


Verloren

by ShinyOrenjiMushroom



Category: Bleach
Genre: AU, M/M, OOC, Post Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 03:15:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 46,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4331661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinyOrenjiMushroom/pseuds/ShinyOrenjiMushroom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grimmjow was given a second chance at life. A chance to finish business and change what made him turn into a hollow. Lost in the world and trying to figure who he is and what happened to him, his only clues are in a foreign stranger and the disjointed blocks of memory he has. Grimm/Ichi</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Traum

Verloren

Grimmjow was given a second chance at life. A chance to finish business and change what made him turn into a hollow. Lost in the world and trying to figure who he is and what happened to him, his only clues are in a foreign stranger.

* * *

 

Kapitel I- Traum

 

Grimmjow awoke to the sensation of someone poking his cheek. Faintly he could hear what sounded like someone addressing him. He couldn't recognize the voice. Heck he felt completely blank. The feeling of the sheet and bed were foreign.

"Allo. Mein Freund." (Hello my friend)

The words sounded off. He recognized them, but it felt like years since he'd heard them. He cracked his eyes open, blinded at first by the sunlight, but then two faces came into view. His mind scrabbled to place who they were, but he couldn't remember. Everything was a big haze.

"Oi! Grimmjow!"

He jolted up from the bed at the more forceful use of his name. Pain sparked through his chest at the sudden movement. "wo.." the syllable felt odd on his tongue. "Wer?" more unfamiliar words seemed to roll around in his mouth. (Where, Who)

A bright light shined into his and and he immediately shut them tightly again while growling. His eyes burned and watered a little from the action. voices were muffled around him as he felt someone tip his head back and apply a small amount of pressure to his eyelid. It felt weird but forced him to open his eyes. This time he was able to make out a small flashlight and the face of a middle-aged man. He closed his eyes to the light again only to be addressed with a soft voice.

" öffnen." He somehow recognized the word and opened his eyes again. "Gut. Schließen. Und öffnen." Grimmjow responded to each command confused at how he knew the words. "Gut." (Open. Good. Close, and open.)

The light went away and the hands holding his head up laid him back down gently. He closed his eyes again and listened to the voices and the strange language he somehow knew. He could tell they were talking about him, but he didn't really understand. Everything was foggy, like he was on the edge of remembering something, but there was a wall infront. He knew he should recognize the faces and voices. He knew the language, but he couldn't figure out why. It had felt like he'd been living another life very far away from this place. Orange flashed through his mind's eye and he jolted up.

"Kurosaki!"

The sudden movement startled all the occupants of the room and thoroughly confused them. He frowned a bit. The name sounded familiar, but he couldn't place it and couldn't even fathom why he knew it or whatever importance it had. The only thing he knew was that Kurosaki was somehow linked to the color orange.

"Oi Grimmjow."

He settled down again and closed his eyes again suddenly feeling tired. It felt like he hadn't slept in ages. Maybe if he slept it'd become clear.

* * *

Isshin had been proud to know that Ichigo had followed pretty much in his steps and gone toward medicine. He was smart and strong and Isshin knew he son would be great in the medical field. The sad part was that he was going to miss Ichigo while he was in Germany for a foreign exchange program. Sure Ichigo didn't live at home anymore, but he'd still been attending school locally and visiting fairly frequently. He was going to be in Leipzig for five months. Five whole months! Isshin knew Ichigo would be fine, but Karin and Yuzu were going to miss their big brother and obviously he was going to miss him as well.

Ichigo had gotten particularly high marks in his classes and had thus been chosen to with a handful of students to go into the program. At first he'd thought to decline thinking of his duty as a shinigami, but his friends had assured him that they in conjunction with members from soul society would keep Karakura safe while he was gone. After much deliberation he decided to go. Deliberation that included both Hitsugaya and Shuuhei threatening him if he didn't. He had definitely wanted to go. In fact he'd spent the greater part of his summer learning as much German as he could to make things easier. He wasn't as confident in speaking it as say his own native tongue, or even english, which he'd learned all through his prior school curriculum, but he did feel he could hold out a basic conversation.

Ichigo was nervous about going though. He'd suffered plenty of grief in his younger years because of his hair color. And though he was stronger now, would he be ridiculed for his nationality? his height? or his broken speech? He couldn't be sure. To an extent most insults now rolled right off him, he just didn't want to end up losing his temper or starting a fight. Just because all the big events had happened didn't mean Ichigo didn't keep his body and spirit trained. He'd stayed in constant training just so that he'd never even have the chance of letting anything that tragic happen again. Besides, he'd missed Zangetsu's voice and if the annoying jibes of his inner hollow when he'd had the brief stint of reiatsu-less existence. All in all he was strong and knew it, and he really didn't want to accidentally hurt someone for flaring his bad temper.

Ichigo had done as much prepping as possible in the coming weeks of his trip. He'd learned that the details of the program had given him a little bit less stress. He'd be sitting in on lectures and serving as a student proctor for pre-med student testing, as well as helping in the campus hospital and working part time for a pre-arranged doctor. His grade would be determined on how well he met the requirements for those things. It had relieved him to know he wouldn't be forced to take tests in German, or forced to do reports in front of full lecture halls.

His living situation had also worried him at first. Luckily he had found a small relatively cheap flat within walking distance of the Uni. It would allow for privacy during his stay and was in a fairly quiet area. The best part was the small grocery that was literally on the corner of the bulding. The location and convenience were all pretty much perfect. He'd mostly chosen the place for those reasons anyway. He could deal with a small space, and a studio living setup. He'd expected as much anyway. All in all, he had been preparing amply for the end of summer.

When he'd stepped off the plane in Germany with his fellow students, he hadn't know what to expect. The chosen exchange students had been given a guide that had met up with them at the terminal and had warmly greeted them. The guide had spoken very fluent english with them. Ichigo had been relieved by that. As much as he'd practiced, he didn't feel quite ready to be thrust into german-speaking. He figured he'd get enough once the semestre started up.

The next week had been spent getting his place set up, meeting the doctor he'd be working with, and learning the campus. To his pleasant surprise, Ichigo found that he quite enjoyed the area. He had made note of several places to check out when he had time. The hospital and doctors offices he was to be with were all very welcoming to him and had been quite impressed with his knowlege. Ichigo had been focusing in pediatric medicine, more specifically psychiatry. His father had wanted him to go more into surgery, but his time fighting made him feel his hands were not fit for the task. Besides, his own battles within his mind had made that space an interest to study. Essentially the doctor they had set him up with was the head of the Psychiatry department. Ichigo had been surprised and truthfully a bit intimidated. The guy had an upstanding reputation and was incredibly smart. As soon as Ichigo had gotten to sit down and speak with him though, he realized that the whole reason for his high regard was because he was so down to earth.

By the time the actual semstre had started Ichigo had felt a bit more comfortable and confident. He'd met a few of the other students through his work at the hospital. For once, despite his different background, he didn't feel out of place. All the classes he was going to be observing had been relevant to his focus of study and despite getting lost a few times due to quick lecturing in a language he had only scratched the surface on learning, he'd found them to be very interesting. Luckily he'd made a few acquaintances in these classes that had offered to go through the things he didn't quite catch.

Often times he found himself sitting in a small pastry shop a few blocks from the campus with those same acquaintances going over the lecture and helping him by explaining the missed parts in English since they obviously did not know Japanese. He realized though, that since that had happened, he was begining to catch more of the language. He was pleased with himself.

* * *

(2)

"Oi Grimmjow. Wie geht's?" (He Grimmjow, What's up?)

Grimmjow turned to the one voice that he'd become used to hearing since his supposed return from a thirteen year old death. "Ich bin m de." (I'm tired)

"wirklich? Warum?" (Really? Why?)

"Meine Träume." (My dreams)

Grimmjow turned back to the window he'd been looking out. He frowned as he felt the stare of the room's other occupant. The guy had claimed he knew him, but Grimmjow couldn't think why or how. He'd been 'back' so to speak, for a while now. A few things had become familiar, and some things seemed to just scratch at the very back of his mind. The problem was that he didn't really care all that much to remember. Sure he wanted to know who he was, and the like, but all this thoughts revolved around orange and why it was such a vibrant thing in his mind. Most of the time he went through the motions. Kilian would try to talk to him and then when he delivered no more curt answers the guy would get quiet and meekly stare at Grimmjow if there was something he really wanted to say. It actually irked him. Most of the time he would just ignore it and go about his business.

"Grimmjow..?" Kilian prodded softly. Grimmjow growled, disliking the submissiveness in the guy's voice.

"was ist es?" He snapped while continuing to look out the window. (What is it?)

"...Nichts." (Nothing)

Grimmjow was thankful for the silence that followed and for the moment when Kilian turned his gaze away. He frowned, bored at watching all the people below on the street. His hands itched to do something. If there was anything that he hated more from his 'amnesia' was that it caused him to be stuck in long periods of inactivity. He was bored and restless as if his body was begging him to get up and do something with the seemingly endless supply of energy. He was just about to move from the window when a flash of orange streaked across his vision. He jumped up and watched as the figure walked in the direction of a nearby park.

"...gehe heraus." Was all Kilian got in warning as Grimmjow flew by him and out the door of the small apartment. (...going out)

Kilian dashed after him grabbing his keys on the way. Never had he seen such a look of determination on Grimmjow's face since he had found him lying in an alley a while back. At first he'd been overjoyed to know that his middle school crush was alive and that he had been the one to find him. The amnesia had been icing on the cake. As underhanded as it was, he had hoped he'd be able to somehow get Grimmjow to notice him. But even now, he was out of reach. Grimmjow had shown gratitude for providing a space for him in very small ways, but even now, his mind was completely focused on something, or someone else.

As he fought to keep up with Grimmjow, he noticed them getting closer to the campus hospital. Grimmjow had been displeased the next second time he'd woken up there and had lashed out violently. Kilian didn't wish for Grimmjow to have another violent fit in the middle of the area just from the building reminding him. He pushed harder to keep up.

"Grimmjow!"

Surprisingly he stopped. Kilian jogged up to him wondering why he'd stopped and was now looking around confused. Grimmjow seemed to be looking left and right anxiously as if trying to find sight of what caused him to jet off in the first place. Kilian heard him sigh and take a deep breath before walking in the direction of the small pond in the park. He followed still anxious to see what had Grimmjow's undivided attention. He jumped when Grimmjow took off again, seemingly catching sight of what he was chasing. Kilian cursed the man's natural athleticism and ran after him. He was floored when he finally caught up to see Grimmjow grab a pedestrian with orange hair by the sleeve.

"Kurosaki! Bist du Kurosaki?" He yelled while dragging the other around to face him. (Are you Kurosaki?)

Kilian was horrified at the display in front of him. He had known Grimmjow had little regard for manners, but he was worried now that the man was randomly accosting someone on the street. He took notice of the white lab jacket and orange hair and things began to clear up. This man though looked too young to actually know Grimmjow. He didn't even look like he was from around here. He watched though as the man's eyes widened in response before narrowing as he quickly punched Grimmjow while uttering what seemed to be an angry 'get off.' Kilian heard Grimmjow growl but he grabbed the man again. Grimmjow seemed to be smiling through the angry facade. The orange haired stranger grabbed Grimmjow's wrist and tried to force him to let go. He stopped though when he noticed something that seemed out of place.

"Grimmjow! Warten Sie!" (Wait!)

Ichigo frowned. Grimmjow. He had thought the man held a striking resemblance to the dead espada, but he hadn't expected them to be one in the same. THis was the weird thing. Grimmjow was not a hollow. Ichigo stared then grabbed Grimmjow's chin and tilted his head to the left. In the place where the mask should have been were two deep scars. Also, this supposed Grimmjow didn't really seem to remember him. He was confused. Though he had never seen Grimmjow actually snuff out, he was certain he was no longer alive. Despite is all, he could never forget the man that was the closest thing to a true rival to him. The resemblance was striking and he knew then, it had to be so. He had some questions for Urahara now.

"Es tut mir leid." A smaller male had walked up and apologized to Ichigo. "Sind Sie ein Doktor?" (Im sorry/it's my fault. Are you a doctor)

It took Ichigo a moment to realize the man was asking him something. He dropped his hold on Grimmjow's chin. Quickly his mind put together the words as he tried to remember the German he learned. "No-"

The man seemed to sense his ill ease. "Sprechen sie Anglisch?" (Do you speak english?)

'Anglisch?' then it clicked. "Yea... I know some english."

A small smile was given to him. "Sorry about him." The man tilted his head toward the scowling Grimmjow. "He's a bit anxious. He has amnesia. What I've gathered is that orange and the hospital set him off."

"What?" Ichigo was slightly taken aback even though he has suspected as much from the desperate look in Grimmjow's eyes when he has been yelling.

"Grimmjow and I went to the same school. He disappeared thirteen years ago." He sighed and looked at Grimmjow. "It's hard having someone you care about die and then years later, the pain is renewed when you find out they weren't really dead."

Ichigo scowled. "I'm sure." He could tell Grimmjow didn't have a single lick of interest in his current 'care-taker' as he was quietly mumbling what could only be curses in german. "Look, if you know those things set him off then I suggest keeping him away from here as 'I' work here."

"Yea, I'll have to do that. What was your name doctor?"

"Ichigo, and I'm not a doctor. Just a med-student."

Grimmjow stopped cursing to himself and turned his attention back to Ichigo a sense of recognition coming over him at the sound of the name. His eyes narrowed studying Ichigo as if re-commiting his entire appearance to memory. Kilian noticed and it made him nervous and even a little jealous. He could admit that Ichigo was good-looking- messy ginger hair, almond-shaped brown eyes, light tan, and slim build. Yes, the intensity of Grimmjow's stare worried him that once again he'd lose his chance.

"Ah, I guess I should get him back. Don't need him attacking anyone else ya?" He said while grabbing Grimmjow's arm and successfully interrupting his assessment of Ichigo. "Grimmjow, wir gehen." Grimmjow growled and shook his arm free, but started to walk to opposite way. (We're going)

Ichigo stared after them watching as the two disappeared around a corner. His mind was full of questions. Once he was done for the day, Urahara was going to be answering some stuff for him.

* * *

"Oh Kurosaki-kun! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Ichigo grimaced at the overly happy voice on the other end of the phone. "I have some questions for you old man. I hope you give me some answers too instead of leading me on."

"Oh you wound me so!" Ichigo could imagine the false pouting expression. "Is everything ok over in Germany?"

"I need to know a few things before I answer that." Ichigo said with some severity in his voice. Just enough to get Urahara in a more serious tone.

"Hmm...I see. Tell me what has you concerned."

"Is it possible for hollows to be reincarnated?"

He could hear the abrupt intake in breath. "Why do you ask that?"

"I saw Grimmjow...the human Grimmjow."

"You seem pretty certain. What made you think it's him?" Urahara seemed skeptical.

"Aside from him attacking me out of nowhere, he has amnesia, his caretaker even called him 'Grimmjow' and said they went to school together. The guy even said that Grimmjow disappeared/ supposedly died 13 years ago, which if time in hueco mundo passes like it does in soul society, that would be enough time for him to become an espada."

"I see. That does prove to be quite persuasive proof. I'm not for sure how time passes there, and I suppose that if his soul went into judgement and they deemed it so, he could be given a second chance. I'm not sure how the weighing of souls is decided." He paused, "There is the unlikely possibility that he is an illusion."

"Do you think it's possible to find out for sure by his spiritual pressure.?"

"Oh! What an excellent idea Kurosaki-kun." Ichigo could almost hear the grin at the next statement. "Of course, you'll have to be in your Shinigami form. Even if his physical body can't remember you, his soul should feel a pull toward your reiatsu."

"How the hell am I supposed to isolate him though? Others can see me here."

"I don't know. That is your decision since it was also your idea. Have fun Kurosaki-kun!"

"wait!" Ichigo yelled into the phone.

"Oh, by the way, I am sending you a universal translator for the souls you might be doing burials on. It only works on souls though." Urahara seemed amused by his own device. "Let me know when you get it. Ja, na!"

Urahara had irked Ichigo. He didn't really seem to know anything, but Ichigo doubted that to be the case. Ichigo supposed though, he could do what he always did. jump right in. Once it got a little bit later he was going to go out in shinigami form and flex his reiatsu a little to see if he got a response. He thought that just maybe that might reveal something to him.

* * *

Grimmjow awoke suddenly. He felt a heavy pressure on his chest and then it let up. He frowned not knowing what the feeling was. He gets up from the bed and pads to the window to look out. For some reason he stares at the moon and instantly hates it for the colorless light filtering in the window. He feels the pressure again and strangely feels a draw to it. Disregarding that all he is wearing is track pants and a tank top he quietly slides out of the apartment in the direction he thinks the odd pressure is coming from. He feels his body start to run pushing him to get there faster. The pull is so strong. That pulsing power is humming through his blood.

He was close. His pace slowed to a walk as he rounded a corner that led him into the park. At first he couldn't see anything, but could still feel that overwhelming pressure. The closer he got to the center though, a blurry image came forth. A figure started to form. It was then that Grimmjow saw the most beautiful and strangely familiar sight since he had awoken in the gutter. Black uniform billowing softly in some unknown source of wind, tanned skin, ginger hair, caramel brown eyes illuminated by the moonlight, and then the large sword stabbed in the ground that the figure was leaning on. It exuded everything that Grimmjow found beautiful. Power, confidence, strength- things he vaguely remembered wanting.

"Grimmjow jaggerjaques."

The voice was calm and quiet, but he heard it all the same and felt it pulling him forward. His mind was screaming threat, but the rest of his body was curious. what dangerous being was he looking at? He continued forward until he was a few feet away. when he was that close his head began to pound and the pressure on his chest came back. It caused him to keel over just a bit. And to him it suddenly felt invigorating, freeing, and more importantly familiar. He could feel himself grin.

"Das ist mein Name." He looked up from his bent over position. "Wer-" He swallowed overcome with a sudden need to be rude and instead flicked off the figure. (That's my name. Who-)

Ichigo had not been surprised when the blue-haired man appeared. He'd been fairly certain that this human was Grimmjow. This now confirmed what he'd assumed to be true. His pupils dilated at the rude gesture. It was definitely Grimmjow. He admitted only to himself that he kind of missed the drag out battles the two of them had gotten into. He got a heady feeling standing here now as if they were going to fight like old times and he couldn't help but goad Grimmjow on, so he said the one thing he knew would strike a chord.

"Weak." Grimmjow seemed confused so he picked his sword up and charged at him a small sense of glee happening when a tinge of fear came over Grimmjow's face. He stopped with Zangetsu poised just past Grimmjow's face and spoke again this time for him to understand. "Schwach." That said he flash-stepped away leaving almost no trace that he'd been there. (weak)

* * *

A/N:  This is kinda future AU ignoring the canon after the defeat of Aizen. Another what if scenario, just instead it's on Grimmjow's side. I'm making up a lot of things as I go, just kind of based on what I do know. This is going to be an eventual GrimmjowxIchigo fic, they just gotta do stuff before it gets to that point. I'm going to try very hard to keep people in character no fluffy romance Bs and no using the convenient excuse of Grimmjow's amnesia to make him something he isn't. Also, I am doing pieces of this in German because I always thought that Grimm's name came from German descent. Turns out that with some name etymology research that it kinda does. Please forgive me if you know German and I have written something incorrectly. It has been YEARS since I've spoken, much less used my German. I will make a nice little thing at the end of each chap with the words. Verloren the title was used because I'm sure that anyone with memory gaps feels a little lost. On the subject of Kilian, he's just a space filler OC he doesn't really play an integral role. I just wanted to have someone from Grimmjow's supposed pre-hollow life there.

Glossary:

Kapitel I- chapter I

Traum/Träume- dream/s

mein/meine- my/mine Freund- friend.  
wo? wer?- Where, who

Schließen/ öffnen- close, open

gut- good

Wie geht's- what's up (roughly)  
Ich bin m de- i'm tired

wirklich- really

warum- why

was ist es- what is it

Nichts- nothing

(ich)gehe/wir gehen- I'm going/ we/let's go

heraus- out

*Bist du- are you (informal)  
Warten Sie- wait (proper)  
Es tut mir leid- sorry/it's my fault

Sind Sie- are you (proper)  
Sprechen sie? - do you speak_?

Anglisch- english

schwach- weak

*I had grimm use this merely to denote his lack of manners. you'll see that Kilian uses the proper version

Questions can be pm'd or email'd to me. I hope you enjoyed and will continue to read.


	2. Schwach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even in his state of amnesia Grimmjow could definitely tell those eyes held something that could not be termed as human. They were too old and pained to fit with the body sitting in front of him. Grimmjow wanted to ask, but didn't really know how. He didn't know if anything he said would be understood and that frustrated him.

Verloren

Kapitel II

Schwach

 

 

When Kilian awoke he had expected to see Grimmjow curled up in front of the small balcony window brooding over a coffee. It had been a familiar sight in the past few months, and one he was almost happy to see. When he found the window-seat vacant he panicked. The image of Grimmjow attacking random people came to his mind and he sobered up instantly grabbing his keys and running out in his pajamas to find the man. What he didn't expect was to find Grimmjow sitting on a bench muttering angrily to himself.

"Grimm-?"

"Schwach! Er sagte schwach! Ich bin nicht schwach!"  
(Weak! He said weak! I am not weak!)

Kilian could tell that Grimmjow was positively boiling with anger. He was even a little bit afraid to approach him. He looked dangerous right then. Even so, he was that much more attracted to him. At first he didn't know if he should approach. When he deemed that Grimmjow was not going to lash out he moved towards him.

"Grimmjow?"

The man in question started at the timid voice. His eyes widened a fraction before setting back into a narrow scowl. "Was ist es?" he growled. (what is it?)

Kilian was at a loss. At first when Grimmjow had woken up, he had been more calm and receptive. Now it seemed that Grimmjow was angry and irritable all the time. He guessed he'd have to call the doctor and see why that was and if there was anything that he could do to reduce that. He ignored the growl in favor of finding out what Grimmjow had been angrily muttering about.

"Wer sagte das?"  
(Who said that?)

Grimmjow eyed Kilian warily before muttering quietly. "Kurosaki."

That name had been heard quite frequently since he'd found Grimmjow. He didn't know if the person was real or not. Grimmjow seemed to think that he was. Even to the point of lashing out at anything that reminded him of this Kurosaki person. He often wondered in it had something to do with Grimmjow's supposed death. He had found it odd that the man could remember nothing in detail except for all the things surrounding that person. He chose to steer clear of that topic for now and went with something neutral to hopefully get Grimmjow out of his bad mood.

"Kaffee?"

He prefered tea, but Grimmjow liked coffee and for some reason had a terrible aversion to tea. Terrible as in breaking the cup if it was even set in front of him. More odd and unanswered questions. Kilian smiled when Grimmjow stood up and nudged his head once signalling that he was okay with that. As they walked back to the small apartment Grimmjow's eyes narrowed in deep thought. Kilian was sure that he was puzzling over this Kurosaki person even more. He wondered if he could get more than snips of answers about him if he got Grimmjow to open up. Maybe it could be beneficial to his memory. Seemed like a case of witbier was in his near future.

* * *

Ichigo was oddly happy today. His little escapade in finding Grimmjow had made him feel an old adrenaline rush that only had come when the two fought. Admittedly he was dampened by the thought of that never happening again, but the fact that his almost rival was alive had almost made him giddy. He didn't know why though. He'd hated the man for his rudeness and the threats he made to those that Ichigo cared about, but for some inexplicable reason he loved every second of the fighting. Even when he was getting the crap kicked out of him.

He also had found himself to be happy to work with a patient today with the doctor observing him. It was a challenge he'd been waiting for. He found it appropriate that from the child's folder he'd been picked on and was having a tough time coping. As much as he hated that, he liked that his first one would be in an area that he had some expertise in. The head doctor was going to be sitting in to translate things for Ichigo if he couldn't understand felt confident.

"Guten Tag Ichigo. Die Sonne scheint. Ich finde es toll."  
(good afternoon. The sun is shining. I find it terrific.)

Ichigo smiled just briefly and greeted the head doctor. Normally the head doctor greeted him in english, so the fact that he was speaking German to him today was meant as a reminder of his first patient. The doctor's greeting also let Ichigo feel like he had the full support of the him. The positive demeanor gave off no doubts.

"Bereit?"  
(ready?)

Ichigo nodded as he grabbed his clipboard and slid his glasses into place. Truthfully he didn't need them. He'd gotten them as a means to hide to ever present scowl and not appear so threatening to the children he'd be working with. When he entered his office, his charge was already in there with his mother. Unfortunately she took one look at Ichigo and lit into the doctor. She hadn't been pleased that he was having a student work with her son. And a foreign one at that. Ichigo sighed and looked over his frames. The kid looked upset that his mother was there. His eyes were cautiously sliding back and forth between Ichigo and his mother yelling at the doctor. It was then that Ichigo decided to take things into his own hands grade be damned. He walked over and knelt down so that he was eye-level with the kid.

"Mein Name ist Ichigo. Wie hei en Sie?" Ichigo prayed he pronounced everything correctly.  
(my name is_. What do I call you?-formal)

After a moment green eyes turned to him. "Lars" was mumbled so quietly he almost didn't hear it.

"Freut mich." he said softly and tried to relay the warmth he might have used when talking to Yuzu in his voice. "Wie alt sind Sie?"  
(pleased to meet you. How old are you.-formal)

"neun."

Ichigo smiled just slightly and stood up. He wanted to get to the bottom of this kid's submissive behavior, but he couldn't do it there with the over protective mom screaming. In fact he thought her presence was counter productive. He might get in touble for this, but he wanted so badly to help this kid not even the threat of bad grades were going to change that.

"Kommen Sie mit mir?" he asked while holding his hand out to the kid. (will you come with me?)

After a brief pause he asked again this time using the his name. Lars shook out of staring at the offered hand and gazed up at Ichigo as if entranced. Timidly he placed his hand in Ichigo's and sighed almost in relief when the long fingers closed almost protectively over his. Ichigo paused when he walked past the doctor. He smirked and apologized.

"Enschuldigung. Heute, das Wetter ist nett."  
(Sorry. Today the weather is nice)

The doctor smiled a little as he watched Ichigo walk out with their patient clinging to his arm. This of course led to a new bout of yelling from the displeased parent to which he calmly told her to shut up and wait in his office while he went to observe the session. She wasn't keen on letting the topic drop, but eventually the threat of making her wait in her car for disturbing other patients quieted her enough. He knew he'd like Ichigo from the start. The kid had good instincts, was smart, and very realistic. That much was obvious today by him taking the child out of a hostile environment even if it was against how things were usually done.

When the doctor finally made it out to the small courtyard the hospital owned he was surprised to see the pair sitting in the grass. His small charge seemed to have gotten more comfortable around Ichigo and even though he wasn't looking up, he was talking. Ichigo looked up from his clipboard as he noticed his mentor sit down in front of him. Lars stopped talking just briefly and regarded the doctor and then continued right on with what he was saying to Ichigo. Every now and then Ichigo would add to the conversation, but it was mostly just him listening to the child.

"Herr Verstandt, Wir sind fertig."  
(Mr. Verstandt, we're finished.)

Ichigo had adressed his mentor keeping in mind the strict time each session was supposed to be. He had been surprised at the amount of information he'd gotten on Lars. He really hadn't expected the boy to speak much at all. It amazed him how much the child had opened up to him. It haven't been anything substantial, mostly stories and what he liked, but that gave him an easy foothold for opening the session the next time. All he was awaiting now was the possible punishment for going against the rules.

* * *

Grimmjow had been grateful that Kilian had been called to work all evening. He'd been feeling cooped up for way too long and the overprotective nature of his caretaker was quite frankly getting on his last nerve. His blood was pumping and he was even more excited at the thought of maybe seeing the powerful aparition again. He figured that this being he'd seen the night previous was the Kurosaki that had been constantly on his mind. He didn't want to stay in waiting for him though. Luckily he'd relearned his way around on foot very well and had very little trouble finding where he wanted to go. His most common haunt had been a small coffee shop not too far from his current dwelling.

At first Grimmjow had wanted to stop by and get an espresso and maybe some sort of baked good and sit at the most secluded back table. His train of thought had stopped when he'd seen a familiar ginger-hair man sitting at one of the outdoor tables. Slowly he felt a grin stretch across his face as he redirected his steps. Surprised brown eyes shot up to him as he slammed his plate down on the small metal table. Grimmjow's grin fell as he noticed those weren't quite the same eyes he's seen last night. He was about to backtrack when he noticed a spark of something in them as the brown lightened slightly. Instead he decided to plop himself down and try to figure it out.

Ichigo had been surprised to see the ex-espada now sitting at his table. He had hoped that his only encounters would have been in his soul form. But just as before, Grimmjow had the annoying habit of catching him off guard. He sighed inwardly. He guessed he could try to learn more about Grimmjow as a human. It might help him decide what to do with him, and most definitely would explain about how he became a hollow. The only problem was that he couldn't communicate with him now had said it was for souls only and not to use it on regular humans, but he doubted that was the case. He turned the small translator on. A clicking noise filled his ears, but it seemed only he could hear it. No one else around could tell what was going on. His inner hollow was rebelling and vehemently cursing the noise loudly in his head. Suddenly he noticed souls standing next to his table. He cursed and turned the thing off unamused at the results.

Grimmjow watched in smug interest as Ichigo scowled at him. He noticed that something was off. Irritation was bleeding into his scowl and his eyes were starting to turn yellow at the edge of the iris. His attention was diverted when Ichigo looked off to the side and cursed. Grimmjow turned to see what he was looking at and saw blurry figures. He couldn't make out all the details, but he could definitely see what Ichigo was looking at. His attention was turned back to Ichigo from the scraping of the chair. He seemed to be debating about something. Annoyed eyes turn abruptly to Grimmjow.

"Ich komme zur ck." He muttered.  
(I'll be back)

The piercing stare was all Grimmjow needed to see to know he was supposed to stay put. He wanted to see what was about to happen. He watched as Ichigo walked away with the apparitions following him. After a minute or so he felt that stifling pressure from the previous night and felt himself grinning again. He wanted to know everything now. He took notice of the folder in front of Ichigo's chair and began to nose through it. Most of the language he didn't understand, but a name caught his attention. 'Dr. Arndt Verstandt'. The name was familiar but he couldn't place it so he read on. It seemed like he was looking at an analysis of someone. Deciding that it didn't give him any information he put it back and focused on his neglected slice of spice cake.

A few moments later Ichigo returned. His eyes were back to normal and his scowl was softer. Grimmjow watched as he quietly sat down and started sipping at his drink again almost as if ignoring his presence. Brown eyes locked with his and Grimmjow found himself momentarily stunned. When he'd attacked the ginger on the street before he hadn't really taken much notice about him. Now though when he wasn't in a frenzy he could take everything in. The scowl the other wore was drawn and tired looking, but his eyes held the most unearthly light. Even in his state of amnesia Grimmjow could definitely tell those eyes held something that could not be termed as human. They were too old and pained to fit with the body sitting in front of him. Grimmjow wanted to ask, but didn't really know how. He didn't know if anything he said would be understood and that frustrated him.

Ichigo had been surprised to see the ex-Espada sit down in front of him. He'd been upset at the situation and even more so when he'd realized that Urahara had been telling the truth about the soul translator. Having it beckon lost souls too him had been annoying in the first place, but having to deal with it in such an environment made it that much worse. He looked at Grimmjow not quite sure what to think about the situation. He scowled at the very attentive look Grimmjow was giving him. It made him shiver. He didn't appreciate the stare and silence. Eventually he sighed and went back to his patient report. He could still feel the heavy gaze though. After a few minutes he got visibly frustrated and slammed his fist on the table.

"Stop it!"

Grimmjow jumped at the sudden outburst. It wasn't German but sounded close enough for him to get the gist. The tired gaze was gone and now only irritation was swimming in the brown eyes scowling at him. Grimmjow grinned menacingly deciding that he liked that look. It was familiar and to him familiar was all he had of who he was. Deciding he didn't care if the other understood he began speaking to him.

"Warum?"  
(why?)

A 'tsk' was all he got in response as the ginger-haired boy turned away and began writing again. Not wanting to be ignored Grimmjow tried again. "Dein Name ist Ichigo, nicht wahr?"  
(your name is Ichigo, isn't it?)

Ichigo looked up and nodded, but said nothing else. He hadn't really expected Grimmjow to speak to him, but he supposed he should have. The guy was unpredictable as an enemy and probably even moreso as a human with no real memory. If he was honest with himself, he actually was enjoying Grimmjow's presence a tiny bit. It reminded him of what he was and that there were still a few people on his level. Even if the current Grimmjow wasn't, the espada one had been. It reminded him how much he'd enjoyed fighting. He briefly wondered if Grimmjow had been a violent human, or if he'd been vastly different. He was anxious to find out.

He was jarred out of his thoughts about Grimmjow by his phone going off. A small smirk crossed his face when he saw the name. "Oi Urahara."

He watched from the corner of his eye as Grimmjow's grin fell into puzzlement. He knew that Grimmjow couldn't remember japanese in this form. He wondered briefly how he'd even known it as an espada, but he figured logically if a hollow devoured and absorbed other hollows to get stronger, he probably had picked it and probably even other things up along the way. He didn't want to stay on the phone with the other man too long, but the face Grimmjow was giving him was priceless. He knew the other didn't like to be ignored, but he never thought he'd see an almost pout on that proud face. It made him internally smirk.

Eventually Ichigo ended his call since he had important things to actually ask Urahara that he didn't want to ask in the presence of others. Even if Grimmjow couldn't understand, he just wasn't comfortable doing so. He was surprised again when Grimmjow adressed him for a third time.

"Wer war er?"  
(Who was he?)

Ichigo suddenly had a feeling of mischief come over him. He was sure that karma was going to kick him in the ass for fooling around with a person with amnesia, if it that didn't happen he was sure he'd suffer abuse from Urahara when the man found out, and he would, about the lie he was about to tell. Somehow, Ichigo couldn't think to care about it.

"Mein Freund.*" He said with was he hoped was a suggestive look. Inside he was laughing at the thought of even dating Urahara much lest suggesting the man was his boyfriend. The other didn't have to know though.

Ichigo almost spit his tea out at the look on Grimmjow's face. It was a cross between confused and infuriated and made whatever hell he was going to have to pay that much more worth it. It also meant that Grimmjow had caught the suggestion in the tone. He chuckled to himself. He never would have thought to be this outgoing. Forget that fact he was sitting at a cafe in Germany with his former enemy and trying to prank him to get a reaction. Grimmjow must have noticed the slight shaking of his shoulders and the soft laughter, for his expression changed again. It became softer and almost content as if the good mood Ichigo was in had been contagious.

The pair sat in an almost comfortable silence for another two hours. Ichigo working on his patient reports and Grimmjow just watching people pass by. In that time Ichigo had taken small glimpses of the man sitting across the table. Not long after the war Ichigo had discovered his leaning toward the same gender. While he liked both and had been open to the idea, he'd found himself more attracted to the hard, flat planes of the masculine form over the soft curves of the womanly. It had stemmed mostly from his desire to be with someone who he could be himself with. Someone who he didn't have to be delicate with. Now, that thought was currently prodding at him forcing him to notice that Grimmjow was indeed a good looking man. Ichigo knew all about the body from the various fights the two had engaged in and had figured that his form was pretty much similar to that. Now with a full view of his face, Ichigo could say honestly that even with the scars in place of the jaw fragment, it was definitely pleasing. His jaw was sharp and chiseled drawing to a fine point at his chin, his nose thin and regal looking, high set cheekbones, finely arched eyebrows that almost always gave off the expression of annoyance, and then of course the angular eyes that even as a human were marked on the outer edge with a teal slash. Never would he admit it out loud though; he was too proud.

Their silence was broken again by Ichigo's phone. Grimmjow chanced a look at him again, seemingly irritated at being disturbed, but also curious to who it was. He watched as Ichigo's face softened as he spoke. The tone was soft, but he could feel the warmth from it. Grimmjow felt strange. He'd seen that expression, the secret smile. He didn't know where. He didn't have a chance to ponder it though as a surprised gasp followed by his name jarred the both of them. Grimmjow watched as Ichigo quickely ended his call and turned toward the sound. His shoulders visibly relaxed when he saw that it was just Grimmjow's caretaker. He looked like he was about to admonish him, but Ichigo decided to step in.

"It's ok. He didn't do anything. He's just been sitting here." Ichigo grumbled. "I have to go anyway." He then decided gathering his papers and standing up. "Bis später." he quickly murmured before walking off.  
(see you later)

* * *

"Urahara, I have some more questions for you." Ichigo murmured into the phone.

"Things not going well?" The overly chipper voice responded.

"Hollows get stronger by absorbing other hollows and souls right?"

"Yes, even the espada. Though I'd assume that the most dominate soul is the one that the hollow's form will follow." Ichigo could almost hear the grin. "Is this about our dearest Grimmjow?"

"Don't be a jerk old man. I'm just speculating. If he was the original human that became a hollow, then he possibly had a high spiritual pressure before right?"

"Not necessarily. It could have been a really big event that made him hollowfy. And it that was the case, that one happening could have made his presence of mind stronger than the others." Ichigo was about to interject when the other continued. "I'm sure it's a mix of both since you mention he was able to see you and other souls when we last spoke."

Ichigo was silent for a moment and then decided to get to the crux of why he was calling."what's going to happen when he remembers? Will he remember just his human life or will it be everything?" He sighed. "Right down to the memories of every soul he devoured."

"Hard to say. He's the first time I've ever seen reincarnation." Ichigo sighed again knowing that Urahara himself was stumped. "I'd say that he'd only remember the most prevalent things. Being as he has some semblance of memory of you, that's probably something he'd recall. I honestly don't know though."

"I hope that's the case." He murmured darkly.

"Why is that?" The smile was back in the man's voice.

"Even if he was my enemy and I hated his guts, I'd never wish having to relive the tortures of hollowfication on anyone. If he were to remember EVERYTHING then that means it be not only his own death, but that of all the other souls that became a part of him. That's too much."

Urahara sighed knowing that even though Ichigo knew it was a necessity, the idea of killing hollows, after he'd found out they were humans previously, had never really sat well with him. He'd admitted to Urahara that he never had killed Grimmjow. He'd even saved him from what would have been the killing blow of another espada. Urahara had figured Ichigo had a soft spot for his rival even if the other didn't know himself. He had been very curious about this revelation and the researcher in him wanted to get a first hand look.

"I've got some theories I want to test, but I'll need to come see you to get you set up." he finally stated. He could hear the grunt of disapproval and grinned. "Oh, I thought you would have missed me. I'm hurt."

"Fine. But it better not interfere with my classes or anything else." He groused.

"Excellent. I'll see you this weekend."

With that, the conversation was done. Ichigo huffed in annoyance wondering what the blonde had up his sleeve. Truthfully, he'd been thinking about the idea of remembering the death of hundreds as if it were your own. It had made him feel queasy. It wouldn't be fair to give someone a chance at redemption only to screw them over by them remembering enough stuff to make them go insane or kill them all over again. Enemy or not.

* * *

The rest of the week passed without much incident and Ichigo found himself begrudgingly waiting at the train station. Why Urahara had insisted on coming into Leipzig on the train baffled him. The blonde was resourceful and probably could have teleported into Ichigo's bathrooom if he wanted to. Unfortunately he'd been intent on making Ichigo's life miserable by forcing him to be up early enough to meet him at the station. He swore the man lived to torture him.

"What's with the look? Didn't you miss me?"

Ichigo turned to the voice and was actually surprised to see the blonde in regular street clothes in favor of his normal goofy outfit. "I'm shocked to see you wearing something even the least bit stylish."

"Kurosaki-kun! You wound me so." Urahara feigned hurt, but years of experience taught Ichigo otherwise.

"Yea yea, shut up old man." He grabbed one of Urahara's bags and started walking toward his flat. "Oi! You coming or what?"

Urahara followed beside him quietly. Ichigo could tell he was observing the area though from the way his eyes would slide slowly to the right and then back again. When they stopped at an intersection he noticed the blonde "accidentally" dropping a coin. He knew better though. He bet it was some sort of weird contraption. They continued on with Ichigo sometimes pointing things out that he thought were important for the other to know. When they finally made it to the small apartment Ichigo let Urahara in with the threat of 'don't mess anything up.' hanging in the air. He then immediately was back out the door to go in for his short day at the hospital.

While he was gone Urahara had done some sniffing about town and setting up items to monitor spiritual pressure. His tasks involving the supposedly reincarnated hollow were going to take some tricksy moves. He was going to have to somehow get a tracer on him so that he could properly see what was going on with his reiatsu and if he was exibiting any signs of hollowfication by remembering things. Next he was going ot have to find a way to get the pressure sealer on him in case he went off the deep end. Of course because Ichigo's occurences with him had been random and sparse he was still puzzling out that aspect.

Late into the afternoon Urahara had begun to wonder why Ichigo had not made an appearance. He'd been assured that the hospital shift today had been a short one. He was getting a little bit impatient since he needed Ichigo for certain parts of his observation to work. He figured he'd waited long enough and could easily find Ichigo by tracking his reiatsu. His search was a short one at best though. Sitting on the corner infront of the apartment building was Ichigo, glasses on, nose shoved in a stack of documents. Urahara was surprised and pleased secretly to see the subject of their recent discussions sitting passively across from the ginger staring off into oblivion.

"Oi, you're late."

Ichigo shot up at the voice and turned. "Urahara!"

Grimmjow also turned at the outburst and noticed the blonde lazily strolling toward the table. Then the name clicked to him. Urahara had been the name the other said on the phone. The name that had been connected to Ichigo in an 'intimate' way. Grimmjow scowled slightly then found himself wanting to get under Ichigo's skin.

"Dein Freund?* Wie alt ist er?" Grimmjow asked leering suggestively at Ichigo.  
(your boyfriend? How old is he?)

Urahara's pupils dialated before a sly grin crept over his face. He could almost feel the panic roll off Ichigo. He was very aware of the implications of that statement. "oh my, I wasn't aware how open you'd been about our relationship."

Grimmjow watched the interaction between the two. He'd been completely in the dark about relationships since he started his life again without memories. As the blonde's arm slid over Ichigo's shoulders Grimmjow wasn't sure how to respond. The action seemed almost familiar. Again he found himself scratching at the mental wall he just couldn't seem to break down. He could see a faint blush on Ichigo's cheeks as the other man pulled him closer. Grimmjow turned away expecting something personal to happen. He was surprised when he heard a soft embarassed mumble.

"I don't do PDA."

"You're so heartless." Urahara pouted, but quickly followed up by leaning over and whispering in Ichigo's ear. "I need you to put both of these on him so I can monitor him."

Ichigo could feel his cheeks burning at the sensation of breath against the whorl of his ear. Urahara's hand discreetly covered his own while depositing two small circular devices in his palm. Instictively he closed his hand wondering what the objects were. Urahara's sparkling smirk told him he'd find out later. Ichigo sighed inwardly momentarily wondering how he was going to get them on the other without him being suspicious. Urahara rose up and slid his hands away from Ichigo signalling his intent to leave.

"I'll see you at home Ichigo. Don't make me wait too long." He added a suggestive look just to make the other squirm.

Ichigo sighed and laid his head on the table. He could feel Grimmjow staring at him again. He was so utterly embarassed, but he should've known that Urahara would humiliate him for the little white lie. He just didn't expect it to be so soon. He sighed heavily and peeked up at Grimmjow. Suddenly he saw an opportunity to leave the small devices and he sat fully up. He hadn't noticed before, but Grimmjow was wearing a hooded vest. Urahara hadn't said to specifically put them on Grimmjow's skin, and he figured the devices would some how attach themselves to the reiatsu knowing the blonde. He'd have to pretend to bump the other, but it would be the easiest way. He started stacking his reports together and sliding them into the folder when Grimmjow suddenly addressed him.

"Er küßte nicht dich."  
(He didn't kiss you)

Ichigo froze, but relaxed again as soon as Grimmjow shrugged and went back to watching people across the street. Ichigo sighed and stood up. He tipped his head to Grimmjow and then walked past him to leave. Right as he passed by his arm barely brushed Grimmjow's shoulder. Subtly he let the small devices fall into Grimmjow's hood hoping that it would suffice for whatever Urahara had planned.

* * *

"So, you two sure seem like you're getting along. Should I be worried you're cheating on me Ichigo?" Urahara grinned lazily while tilting his head to look at the ginger.

"You're not funny old man. He was snooping around last time you called, so I said the first thing that I thought would throw him off." He scowled darkly.

"Well, I can see where your priorities lie. Sure you weren't just trying to make him jealous?"

Ichigo blanched at Urahara and then threw a magazine at the man. "Be serious for a minute! Tell me what the heck is going on."

"Right." His expression changed from the jovial joking one to poker face in a matter of seconds. " The two things I gave you to place on Grimmjow are merely a means to track his spiritual pressure and for signs of hollowfication. Now, I'm not sure if reliving memories can cause that, but better safe than sorry ne?" Ichigo nodded as the blonde continued. "I'll be done getting stuff calibrated here tomorrow then I'll be out of your hair. Essentially you can monitor him from here and I'd already set up my own back at the shop to check as well."

"So what is all this going to do for us then?" Ichigo questioned while sitting down on the floor across from Urahara.

"Well, for me it will show a phenomenon I've not yet seen before and allow me to prepare for other such instances. For you, well that's yet to be seen." Urahara pinned Ichigo with a serious look. "Of course you'll find out what I want to find out, but this might allow you a deeper look into what I think is a the missing piece in your life."

"I don't follow." Ichigo's eye's narrowed.

"Rival, friend, or potential lover; it's quite obvious that something about Grimmjow had serious impact on you. You may not even know it, but you have a soft spot for him. I'm willing to bet it's because you see pieces of yourself in him. He was the one to rise to your challenge, and quite frankly, the one to get under your skin and even make you question yourself." Urahara sighed at the incredulous look he received. "I think you need to know just as much if not more than anyone else."

"Right." Ichigo sighed for what seemed like the millionth time that day. "I'm sacking out. I have class in the morning. Couch is all yours."

Urahara's shoulders sagged as he watched Ichigo walk into the other room. If the small interaction between the human-Grimmjow and Ichigo was any indication, he was sure that his perception of Ichigo had been right. He knew the boy had an undeniable draw toward the arrancar. The two were similar and from what he'd heard of Ichigo's fights with him, the draw was mutual. He wondered if Ichigo would realize. He was hoping that by allowing Ichigo to see how Grimmjow was as a person, then maybe the violent draw would turn into something more peaceful. And perhaps Ichigo could have a kindred spirit, or at least someone who could relate to him better. Hell, he knows the kid needed it. He grinned suddenly to himself.

"Oh my." Urahara had never realized how much he cared about Ichigo's well being before. "Seems I've gotten a bit soft." He mumbled to himself.

* * *

Ichigo hadn't been able to sleep. Two o'clock in the morning found him laying his body down and attempting to sneak out the window. He paused when Urahara's sleepy voice called out from the living area. He snorted at the comment about cheating and jumped through the small opening. Being outside of his body was invigorating. Ichigo flexed his reiastu revelling in the feeling. It wasn't that he wanted something to do, rather because he was restless, he'd found that being in his spirit form relaxed him. He wasn't quite sure why, but the gentle thrum of his own spiritual pressure seemed to do so.

Grimmjow had been in the process of raiding Kilian's bookshelf trying to find anything that would tell him about himself when he felt that stifling pressure. He almost dropped the book when a newspaper article sticking out through the pages caught his attention. He flipped to the page containing it and also found a small crumpled picture. His eyes widened. It was a photobooth picture with 4 different poses in it. Obviously it was a teenage version of himself with another boy. Grimmjow scratched at his brain trying to remember. He had been close with this boy if the small pictures were anything to go by. The last frame had him stumped. It was so personal. The two were joking around in all the others, but the last one Grimmjow had his arm draped over the shoulders of the other boy while he was getting a kiss on the cheek. He frowned not sure what to make of it. He shoved the picture in his pocket and dropped the book, again focusing on the familiar pressure.

Grimmjow approached the apparition again. His eyes focused on the way the other seemed to glow against the night sky. "Wer bist du?" He felt himself growling out as he walked closer. "wahrheitsgemäß ..."  
(who are you? Truthfully...)

Ichigo had know Grimmjow was there, but he made no moved to face him or even that he'd heard. He turned only when Grimmjow was an arm length away. Even then, he said nothing and turned back to staring out over the man-made pond. He sighed knowing that he really couldn't properly communicate with the other. Grimmjow stared harshly. He could feel it. And despite knowing the other wouldn't understand, he felt inclined to He looked away again.

"I wanted to hate you." Grimmjow tilted his head in slight confusion. "I wanted so bad to hate you. You hurt my friends and threatened me." He scoffed to himself. "But I couldn't. You pushed me to get stronger. I wanted to fight you."

Ichigo tilted his head back, his eyes rolling to the side to catch Grimmjow's gaze. Blue eyes locked onto his chestnut ones staring intensely. Ichigo saw all the same things he did when he'd fought Grimmjow the final time, but now it was all tainted with irritation and confusion. He wondered if Grimmjow could hear his zanpakuto, or if he'd forgotten. He was betting that now he couldn't. Ichigo found that sad. Despite how much he hated having his thoughts on display for whoever was rolling around inside his head, it had been terribly lonely with out his hollow and zangetsu in there. It wasn't quite the same now, but at least they were there again. He'd never forget the name of Grimmjow's blade either considering how many times he'd been on the receiving end of its wrath.

"I wonder if you can still hear pantera." He'd mumbled so quietly he didn't think Grimmjow would hear. Something heard him though. He felt a vibration of pressure run through Zangetsu very briefly.

Grimmjow stood frozen in place with the other looking directly at him. He didn't know if he should get any closer. He'd remembered the weight on his chest from the last time and the way that huge blade had cut the air so precisely close to his own face. Everything he wanted to know seemed to hinge on this apparition though. He swallowed whatever uncertainties he had and stepped closer slowly. The other turned fully toward him eyes still locked on his own.

"Noch einmal...Wer bist du?" He growled again.  
(once again...who are you)

A smirk was all Grimmjow got in response. Grimmjow curled his hands into fists angry at the lack of response. His temper was so close to shooting off. The sensation of paper rustling in his pocketed hand dragged him back a bit. His attention went back to the small photo.

"Wer bin Ich?" He muttered dejectedly to himself breaking the gaze he had on the other.(who am I?)

"Grimmjow."

Ichigo turned to leave, but was stopped when Grimmjow's hand curled around his wrist. "Wer..."

Ichigo's eyes softened. The desperation was clear in Grimmjow's voice. It was like the last time. He'd promised the other that he could challenge him as much as he wanted when it was all done. Now he was getting a second chance. True they probably would never fight again, but this was nostaligic. And despite the pain tied to it all, a spark of happiness did flit through Ichigo. Not everyone had disappeared. He had hope then that Nel too had maybe been given another chance. He wanted Grimmjow to remember. Wanted to see the fire in him unbridled by whatever shit Aizen had spewed. He had to wait though. He wanted it to be a natural thing. He was sure that the other would remember. Especially with his "helpful prodding" at the other's soul.

"Nicht schon, Grimmjow. Nicht schon."  
(Not yet Grimmjow. Not yet.)

With that being said, he disentangled his wrist from the other and slipped away. He felt a little more at ease.

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry for last chapter. I decided to take the advice of a few reviewers and keep translations in the paragraph. As much as I dislike that in the sense that I think it messes up the flow, I completely understand where you all are coming from and want you guys to have a good reading experience.

That being said, apologies again if I did screw up a translation or miss something. Again stating that it's been years since I've spoke/used my German.

I hope that I'm not being too out of character. It's a bit of challenge to keep Grimmjow how we know him when he doesn't even know himself. I am trying though to develop him into that. Likewise, I hope Ichi isn't too out of character either. I'm trying to get this whole aged more spiritually thing right for him. Also, trying to back up that I did say he tried to learn some basic German before he came over. He can way understand better than he speaks it. Also about the OCs, again just space fillers and something to try to help develop our main ones and their relationship. It's killing me to draw it out when all I want is for them to make mad delicious love. I absolutely adore them as a pair though and I want to give a more realistic feel to them getting to know each other.

*Freund is a term used only for people who are in your inner circle. Those who are not close with you are merely acquaintances. Freund also can mean boy/girl friend and that is exactly what Ichigo is hinting at. And no I do not plan to even extend that. It was a joke because honestly I love Urahara and thought it be funny to have him play along and take it over the top.

As Always, thank you for reading and your input. I am so very grateful.


	3. küssen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ichigo was startled at the chaste kiss. It was just a mere touching of Grimmjow's lips on his. He didn't know what to do. Grimmjow's lips were soft and somehow inviting.

Verloren

Kapitel III

küssen (kiss)

 

* * *

 

The softer voice from the apparition had been plaguing him for a few days now. He wished he had been able to understand what was being said. Obviously it had been directed at him, but he just didn't know. He also felt no closer to finding out who he was. Only small snippets of memories rolled around in his head. Now added to that was a soft voice speaking in words he couldn't understand whenever he slept. It seemed he got no rest. Kilian had of course noticed and had suggested he find something to keep himself occupied. Thus he'd found a part-time job at a local music store essentially just unloading stock. It kept him physically occupied at least, but did nothing for his thinking. The classical music that the elder man played did seem to help calm him when he was feeling restless, and for that he was a little bit grateful.

He jumped thoroughly startled when one of the boxes he'd just unloaded busted open from the bottom spilling out it's contents. Quickly he turned to clean the mess when his eyes fell on something familiar. He crouched down staring at the pile of cymbals. Bold black letters stuck out at him. His fingers traced the 'z' committing the texture of the bronze cymbal to memory. That's when his first detailed memory came flooding back.

"Vater..." (father)

A small smile crept over his face as he continued to stroke the cymbal. His father had played drums. He remembered that. His father had been reassembling his drumset after a show. He'd been a drummer for a jazz group as a side hobby. Grimmjow remembered to the very last piece how his father's drumset was put together. Bass drum, snare, toms, splash and ride cymbals. The Zildjian hihat he remembered the most clearly though. It was the one thing his father had let him put back together. He flicked the edge of the cymbal savoring the long forgotten sound. The crisp and resonant 'chick' it made caused a small flicker of pulled him into another memory of his father and the drumset.

_He had watched as his father lowered the stool and beckoned him to sit. A pair of sticks were slid into his hands. He'd remembered marveling at his own pair. His father's voice was soft as he instructed him on how to properly hold them. His father's hands were strong and calloused. He had remembered how it had felt to have the man's larger ones covering his own. Grimmjow watched in rapt fascination as his father had guided his arms over the set with practiced ease. It had felt awkward seeing as he was just tall enough to peer over the toms. None the less, he had committed the movements to memory happy that his father was willing to teach him and even on his own set. Something he'd previously seen as sacred to the man._

The memory was interrupted as the owner's voice called to him. He quickly tried to regain composure as the elder man walked into the back obviously a little bit worried. Grimmjow uttered an apology as he grabbed the busted box and moved it off to the side. He'd found in the small amount of time that he had worked there that the old man absolutely loved music and instruments. He was a man of few words and Grimmjow found him easy to get along with. The man never questioned him and pretty much just let him work with out disruption.

A few hours later Grimmjow found himself sitting in the park not too far away people watching. A new energy had stirred in him since the memory had suddenly popped up and it had made him feel just slightly more comfortable in his own skin. Idly he thumbed the leather band on his wrist while pulling and scratching at the two memories to see if anything else would pop up. Small details would flit into his mind, but nothing as ground breaking as the morning. He sighed in frustration.

He perked up when he heard the voice that he recognized belonged to the ginger-haired foreigner. He turned in the direction it came from and saw him walking away from a group of doctors with a wave. He stood up intent on catching up with the other. He was just a few steps away when a child ran up to Ichigo and pulled on the white coat he was wearing. He turned and knelt down talking softly with the child. Grimmjow watched as that same familiar smile crossed Ichigo's features. His mind supplied a scene where Ichigo was looking at him like that. His eyes were different. Gold and black peered at him as a something he didn't quite understand was uttered and then pain. Grimmjow fell to his knees clutching at his shoulder as heat and hurt erupted over him from the memory just as if it was real.

At that point Ichigo had noticed Grimmjow and bid his patient a quick farewell and made his way quickly over to the man. He could feel odd vibrations in his spiritual pressure as he got closer. Things he picked out like confusion and pain permeated the air about them. He'd never been able to feel these things clearly before. But now they were a almost tangible. Knowing that whatever was happening could not be solved by a simple trip to the hospital he hoisted Grimmjow up by the arm.

"I hope you can walk." He muttered while slipping an arm around his waist.

Grimmjow's body seemed to get the clue and started to move, ablbeit shakily, but enough for Ichigo to steer them without to much expended effort. He was glad his little flat hadn't been too far away. Despite his own strength, Grimmjow was pretty heavy being that he was just full of nicely developed muscles. Ichigo sighed. Grimmjow was panting in pain and the tense spiritual air hadn't changed. The device Urahara had given him had not alarmed yet, so he assumed that whatever this was, it wasn't hollowfication. Somehow he'd managed to juggle his folders and Grimmjow and get his keys out. He slid to the floor stretching Grimmjow out on the rug. He laid there quietly save for the pained grunts that would happen every so often. Ichigo retrieved a small throw pillow from the couch and put it under Grimmjow's head then moved away from him figuring it'd be better to let the pain pass than mess with him right now.

* * *

A few hours later Grimmjow awakened to the sound of sizzling and chopping. He laid quietly listening to the rhythmic sound of the knife wondering where he was. He stretched and sat up taking in his surroundings. The ceiling was a soft orange peel color and he knew for certain that he was not in Kilian's flat. The furniture looked like standard housing issue so he was pretty sure he was close to the nearby university. As he had sat up he recognized familiar folder sitting on the coffee table near his feet. He stretched again feeling a satisfying pop in his lower back.

Ichigo noticed Grimmjow was awake from the sounds of clothing rustling. He peeked around the counter in his kitchen just to make sure the other was okay. When he saw Grimmjow yawn and crack his neck, he deemed that no damage had occurred since he'd found the other. He turned back to his task of making dinner. He had planned a quiet evening of dinner, studying his patient reports and maybe going for a jog. As always, plans were overturned. He sighed and went back slicing the onions for his dinner. His cellphone ringing jolted him to awareness. He grimaced already knowing from the tone who it was.

"Urahara."

"Kurosaki-kun, I noticed a familiar presence in your place. Is everything alright?"

Ichigo sighed exasperately. "Yes it's fine."

"You aren't cheating on me are you?" He could hear the chuckling on the other end.

"No! You dumb old man. I'd actually have to be dating you first." He massaged his temples while listening to Urahara's laughter on the other end.

"Well tell me what is actually going on since I can see that he's at least there."

"He nearly passed out in the park. I just brought him here until he became more aware." Ichigo sighed then added. "I think he was remembering something painful."

"I know that you're disregarding the safety in this decision, but seeing as nothing has blipped on my little alert... I'd say we're okay for the time being." Ichigo could feel himself nod. "You know all that doctor stuff your dad sent with you?"

Ichigo frowned at the change in subject. "Yea, what about it?"

"I tinkered with it a bit just in case any odd situations arise. You should check his vitals with it." He should have seen that coming. "I made them able to read spiritual pressure, so really you can make sure physically he's sound and from a soul standpoint too. The information will feed right back into that memory stick I gave you."

"Okay, I will. Now I have to finish making dinner so please stop pestering me."

"Keep me updated! Don't have too much fun playing doctor."

Ichigo snapped his phone shut not even bothering to reply to that. He started when he realized that Grimmjow had walked into the small kitchen. He quickly turned back to his task realizing that while on the phone the meat he'd been cooking was ready to turn. Grimmjow stood watching him. It was unsettling, but he tried to ignore it. He flipped each piece with practiced ease. The onion he'd previously been cutting was emptied into the pan with the aid of steel chopsticks. Grimmjow's stare was very intense. It was like he was studying the action to every minute twitch. Ichigo did not like being on display.

"Was ist das?" The softly growled question caught him off guard.  
(What is that?)

Instead of answering Ichigo pulled one of the smaller pieces off the skillet and placed it on the cutting board. He slid it towards Grimmjow and motioned at it with the chopsticks in his hand. Grimmjow stared at it momentarily unsure. Eventually Grimmjow picked the piece of meat up between his thumb and forefinger and popped it in his mouth. At first he scrunched his nose up at the unfamiliar flavor, but then suddenly he found himself enjoying the odd combination of things he'd not tasted before. Ichigo had noticed Grimmjow's myriad of expressions from the corner of his eye and had to laugh at the last one. The one that showed he'd been surprised at his enjoyment. This however left him with the same issue. Grimmjow's attention was now even more focused on him. Or rather, he was hovering over Ichigo's shoulder eyeing the sizzling meat with rapt fascination.

Eventually Ichigo pushed Grimmjow back so that he could get to the small fridge and grab some butter and the rice he'd made yesterday. Grimmjow eyed him curiously as he melted the butter down and let it mix with the juices of the meat. The rice was dumped in next. Ichigo sighed as he seasoned it momentarily missing home. In his concentration he'd almost forgotten about Grimmjow standing so close to him that jumped when the other cleared his throat. He clicked the stove off and reached above it to grab two bowls. As he moved the fried rice into the serving dishes he looked up and motioned at Grimmjow by flicking his head in the direction of the small living room. The other seemed to take the hint. A moment later Ichigo brought the two bowls and a fork for Grimmjow in the living room and set it on the small coffee table.

Grimmjow eyed Ichigo as he sat down at the coffee table. He was confused at the proffered food. A stern look from the ginger-haired man made him sit. He watched as Ichigo meticulously grabbed the rice with his chopsticks and ate without spilling a bite. He was completely focused on Ichigo forgetting about the bowl sitting in front of him.

"Eat!" Ichigo groused at the other uncomfortable with his staring.

Grimmjow snapped his eyes down to the bowl assessing whether or not he wanted to eat it. He decided he wanted to try it after noticing he enjoyed the savory scent if gave off. After his first bite he realized that he found it quite delicious and attacked the rest with relish. When he was done Ichigo took the bowl from him and left the room briefly. He sighed contentedly feeling pleasantly full. He was so relaxed he missed when Ichigo came back into the room and started a bit when he felt a cool hand on his forehead. He looked up at the thoughtful frown looming just above him. Having the other this close to him allowed him to study his face. Grimmjow had already decided that Ichigo was attractive. He'd felt a natural pull toward the other, but also he'd admittedly enjoyed watching the japanese man.

Ichigo clicked his tongue and sat back on his heels feeling around behind him for the stethescope from the bag of 'medical crap' his father had shoved in his suitcase. Once he'd found it he slid it on and caught Grimmjow's eyes widening and the slight tensing of his muscles. The defensive look caught Ichigo off guard and he realized it wasn't so much the hospital that made Grimmjow's hackles rise, but the things inside. Doctors and equipment. Ichigo sighed his eyes softening just a little bit. He found it just a little bit funny that a guy like Grimmjow would be afraid of a little bit of equipment. He wondered what had happened to Grimmjow before that had him like that. Carefully he removed it and slid it over Grimmjow's neck putting his hand up to silence any retort. Gently he placed the buds against Grimmjow's ears adjusting them until they sat correctly. He took the other end and held it to his own chest before taking a deep breath and then slowly letting it out. Grimmjow's pupils dilated when he realized what he was hearing. His eyes darted to Ichigo's calm face.

"See? It's okay. Be calm and relax." Grimmjow didn't really understand the words, but their tone made him more at ease.

Eventually Ichigo had gotten Grimmjow to untense enough for him to do a quick check and indeed assess that whatever painful experience the other had dredged up, that his body was still physically okay. He was sure that he'd gotten a good reading on his spiritual pressure too, but he'd check on that later when the other wasn't hovering around. He'd been at least relieved when the other showed no signs of fever or irregularities. Not that he could have really done anything about physical problems, but it was a relief none the less.

Grimmjow was currently stretched out on the floor watching Ichigo as he organized his medical papers. He felt oddly calm in the other's pressence despite his episode with the stethescope a few moments ago. He'd very easily figured out that this man and the apparition were one in the same. The air around him was almost tangible just as it was when he'd found the apparition. Like this though, Grimmjow was at ease instead of feeling stifled by pressure. He could feel it gently rolling over his skin like a fine mist. He felt pretty sure that if he reached out he could caress it with his finger tips. He rolled on his side to get comfortable when the crumpling of paper in his pocket roused him. He sat up drawing the other's attention. He pulled the worn picture out and stared at it. He hadn't even remembered putting the picture in his pocket this morning.

"Freund?" Ichigo asked cautiously looking over the other's shoulder.

Grimmjow shrugged trying hard to place the person in his empty memories. Shaggy blonde hair and hazel eyes were what he was drawn to the most. Suddenly he picked out something that he hadn't realized before. Grimmjow noticed his own hair was bleached blonde. He'd recognized the color treatment from the way the hair closer to his scalp was blue and fading out to the platinum color. It showed that his roots were coming through and it caused an interesting effect. As he studied his younger self, the image of his father playing drums came back to him. That thought then twisted into himself playing drums. His heart fluttered painfully.

Their quiet and tense rumination on the photo was interrupted by a very industrial sounding ringtone. Grimmjow frown and reached out for the phone Kilian had given him. It was indeed his caretaker and he scoffed in annoyance while sliding the thing open.

"Oi."

"Grimmjow, Wo-?"  
(where?)

Grimmjow didn't even allow him to finish the question. "Mit Ichigo." he growled out. (with ichigo)

"Warum?"Grimmjow scowled at the question. The other sounded jealous and he could tell. "Grimmjow..."  
(why?)

Ichigo could feel the irritation rolling off the other. The longer he was on the phone with his care taker, the more frustrated he got. Though Ichigo couldn't understand most of the conversation, the bits and pieces he caught made him a bit uncomfortable. He watched as Grimmjow jumped up and started pacing while arguing with the other. The picture fell to the floor in his riled commotion. Ichigo grabbed it and studied it a moment before flipping it over. His eyes widened as he read the small, faded scrawling.

"Ich liebe dich, Ehren." Ichigo mumbled out.  
(I love you, Ehren)

Grimmjow suddenly stopped and stared at Ichigo. The phone dropped from his hand as he swiftly made his way back to the other and snatched the picture. For several moments he just looked blankly at the signature. Ichigo could see hints of recognition in Grimmjow's eyes. All at once a softness came into his eyes and a small smirk passsed over his lips. Ichigo was awed by it and found himself blushing as if he'd stumbled onto something very personal. He couldn't help but feel that whoever had been the receiver of such an expression from Grimmjow, had to be something special.

"Grimmjow?" He started, but didn't know what else to say, so he just let it hang there.

Grimmjow looked up a small smile still on his lips and put the picture back in his pocket. "Danke für das Essen. Bis später."  
(Thank you for the food/meal. See you later.)

Ichigo only nodded as he watched Grimmjow go to retrieve his previously dropped phone and close it. He was even more curious now as to the kind of person Grimmjow was before becoming a hollow. As the other left quietly Ichigo was reminded of what Urahara had said about checking his spiritual pressure. He eventually got up to call the older man back and review his results.

* * *

Grimmjow is irritated when he gets back to Kilian's apartment. He ignores the other as he tries to talk to him and apologize in that same submissive voice that he hates. His mind is too active with the new memories flooding it. He's also kicking himself mentally for never looking at the back of the photo. All he can clearly remember now is when this photo happened. The two of them had skipped school and were at an arcade when they'd stumbled upon the photo booth. That kiss to the cheek had led to chaste ones on the lips followed by a much deeper and rough kiss. Grimmjow had remembered that much at least. He'd also remembered the very softly whispered promise that followed. He had the decency to blush at the idea that even at that age the two of them had promised to be each other's first when they got older and were ready. He briefly wondered if the other was still around, but a painful twinging in his spirit told him otherwise.

"Er ist tot." The soft voice came from behind Grimmjow. "...Selbstmord." Kilian said to the unasked question.  
(He's dead. Suicide.)

Grimmjow said nothing in reply, but merely nodded. A rattling sigh racked his body. He'd known that somewhere in his mess of jumbled memories. A book landed next to him on the floor. Kilian nudged it toward him with his foot. After a moment he left the room not wanting to see the expressions the other would get from reliving his past. Grimmjow eyed the olive green cover. He was almost afraid of what he'd find in there. Never one to let fear rule him he flipped it open. It was a photo album and scrap book of sorts. He scanned the pictures trying to place them in his memory. He laughed suddenly as he thumbed a picture of himself in a football* uniform. His hair was longer and pulled tightly back with a headband. He was making an ugly face at whoever was taking the picture. He pulled the photo out and flipped it over. All it said was 'Grimm-9'.

Hours it seemed passed while he sat in the floor essentially dismantling the album and trying to recapture lost memories. He at least knew where Kilian had fallen into his life. He'd always been uncomfortable with the idea that the guy knew about him, but he didn't even know if he had indeed known him. A few pictures had pointed to Kilian being Ehren's next door neighbor. He was sure that at some point the two had been introduced. What he'd found out about himself through the album was merely surface things. And while he was happy to know that he had been physically active in football and track, learned to play drums, and had a habit of bleaching his hair; it wasn't the stuff he wanted to know. He wanted the deeper memories, like the one of his father and the secret Ehren had whispered. He wanted to know why he hated hospitals and medical supplies. Most of all, he wanted to know why he knew Ichigo. After a moment or so, he decided to turn in tired from all the remembering.

* * *

When Ichigo was finished with his session with Lars he was surprised to find Grimmjow's care taker waiting outside the hospital for him. At first his mind went to worst case scenario until he realized the other was merely asking if they could talk. Ichigo had agreed and followed the smaller man to a coffee house down from the hospital.

"I'm sorry for Grimmjow troubling you."

Ichigo just raised an eyebrow to that statement before sighing and responding. "He's not troubling me. I don't mind his company." He sipped at his tea watching the other discreetly. He knew Kilian was nosing about.

"How do you know him?" Ichigo inwardly smirked knowing that question had been itching around in the back of the other's mind.

"I don't really know him." Ichigo had been puzzling out how to answer the question without saying anything too fantastical. "We met very briefly." He sighed thinking about his rehearsed response. "Let's just say he'd fallen in with a bad crowd of people. They attacked my friends and I retaliated. In the end, he wasn't interested in their goals."

"How did he end up back here then?" Kilian asked his eyes wide knowing that Grimmjow had been the type to fight with people.

"Who knows? Last time I saw him was when we were trading blows. They were the type to kill non-conformists." Ichigo sighed. "I'm actually glad to see that he's alive." He sipped from his tea again, thinking his story didn't sound too bad or unbelieveable. "I'd prefer though if you didn't say anything about what I told you. It'd be ok if he never recalls doing violent things. Or if he does, he should come about it on his own knowledge. His mind is volatile right now. That kind of thing being heard from another person could damage him."

Kilian nodded his assent and peered down into his coffee. He was jealous that Grimmjow had taken so kindly to someone he'd been previous against. He felt guilty too. He knew that it was in the other's nature to fight and be violent. He'd witnessed it at school when someone had started saying mean things to Ehren. Grimmjow had gotten suspended from breaking a kid's nose. He should have suspected that the reason he took to Ichigo was because of him being similar.

"Is there anything else you want to ask?" Ichigo tilted his head.

"Will you fight with him again if he remembers and attacks you?" Kilian asked tentatively.

"Sure, I'll kick the crap out of him if I have to. But that's not what you really wanted to know huh?" Ichigo steepled his fingers and leaned forward.

Kilian swallowed nervous at being found out. "He thinks you're attractive. I can tell." He looked at Ichigo wanting to be mad, but couldn't find it in himself when he saw the warmth of the other's eyes. "Please, don't. Don't pursue him."

"That's hardly my decision." Ichigo answered. "I go back to Japan at the end of December."

Kilian couldn't say he was relieved by that remark even though he wanted to be. Quietly he sat sipping his drink as he tried to pick apart Ichigo's answer. He had to admit that if he were Grimmjow, he would have chased Ichigo too. Not just for his good looks either, but his whole person. Kilian could tell that the other was a truly good person. He was strong and charismatic. He sighed dejectedly. Any man probably paled in comparison when put up next to him. The scraping of a chair roused him from his internalizing.

"If you have feelings for him, it's better to get it out in the open. You're just going to make him more irritated by hiding it and acting jealous." Ichigo tilted his head back and reguarded the other. "Strong people like him respect bravery more than cowardice." With that being said Ichigo left.

* * *

Grimmjow had no idea why he'd felt the need to come back to the foreigner's home. He didn't even realize that he'd memorized the location until he was on his way up to the floor. Further more, he didn't know what spurred him to share the scrapbook with the other. He tried to justify that somehow he'd known Ichigo and that maybe the other would have an idea on how to get his memories back. He knew though that was just an excuse. His anticipation peaked as he knocked on the door. The silence was killing him. He was just about to knock again when the door opened and he was greeted with the sight of Ichigo in a pair of warm ups and a tank top. He sucked in a breath suddenly feeling warm. He felt even more attracted to the scowling man in front of him.

The last thing Ichigo had been expecting was to see Grimmjow on the other side of his door. He felt his scowl slowly falling away as he opened the door wider to let the other in before even a word was uttered. It was odd to him how quickly he'd become comfortable around the other. He set about making a pot of coffee figuring he was in for a long night if the book under Grimmjow's arm was any indication.

By the time the coffee was done, Grimmjow had already seated himself in the floor the book open to a page of photos. Ichigo eyed them as he sat down across from the other. Whatever was going on, he didn't know how it would work with the language barrier between them. Sure he could speak a little German. He even understood more, but he doubted that the knowledge he had spanned the colloquialisms and other commonplace things he might hear. His German was mostly professional and clinical.

At first things were silent and a little awkward with Ichigo just watching Grimmjow flip through the random things in the book. He didn't really know what to say to the other. The silence was starting to bother him, so he pulled up the mp3 player on his phone and let it shuffle through his playlist. Grimmjow peered up at him curiously. Ichigo felt a spark go through him as Grimmjow's eyes met his. He'd thought himself crazy for thinking momentarily that the mildly pouting and confused look was cute on such a person as him. It made Grimmjow look younger. He seemed to be assessing whether or not he liked the music.

"Jazz?" Grimmjow suddenly questioned while flipping the pages in the scrapbook.

Ichigo nodded wondering what had spurred the other's quick perusal. He was answered when a photo was thrown at him. A younger Grimmjow was in the picture standing in front of a drumset. The man behind the set caught his eye though. He was a tall, broad-shouldered man. Very handsome Ichigo had decided. His platinum hair was slicked back. The same bright blue eyes that Grimmjow had staring directly at the camera. His expression was serious, but Ichigo could tell even from the picture he was a warm man. His left hand was resting on one of the cymbal stands, while his right was loosely clutching a pair of sticks. Ichigo's eyes went back to the younger Grimmjow. Admiration and pride was shown in his face. The resemblance was there and even before Grimmjow could say it, Ichigo knew this man was his father and that the other had loved him dearly.

"Er spielte schlagzeug." Grimmjow sighed and took the picture back and studied it for a moment. A sense of sadness was about him as he gazed at it. "Er lehrte mich spielen." (He played drums. He taught me to play.)

Ichigo wondered if he could help Grimmjow find his father. Jaegerjaques was not a common name surely even by German standards. Ichigo looked at the picture again. From upside down he caught sight of something in the corner. It looked like a piece of the venue's name. He couldn't be sure though so he filed it away for later.

Several hours later found Grimmjow slumping over the table glaring at the photos in front of him. Ichigo sighed as he finished his last gulp of coffee. He'd learned a few things about Grimmjow from the photos and the small bits of description the other had, but still he was mostly in the dark. He could also tell that Grimmjow was frustrated with his lack of memory. The other kept idly flipping pages seemingly angry that they didn't stir more than small pieces of his mind. Most amnesiacs Ichigo figured would have been happy to know even just those bits. This was Grimmjow though. Everything was extreme with him, emotions included.

Grimmjow turned his head slightly so he could look at Ichigo. The other was stretched out with his hands resting on the floor behind him propping his body up. His head was lolled to the side so that Grimmjow could barely see his cinnamon eyes through lowered lashes. Momentarily he forgot about the scrapbook and the music playing. He sat up straight and watched as the other rolled his shoulders to pop his neck. Grimmjow found himself unable to look away. Suddenly his mind supplied him with a memory that was particularly vivid. It was right after the arcade picture.

_Ehren was sitting in his room in the same position as Ichigo. Some sort of industrial rock was playing in the background. They were talking about tattoos. Grimmjow had been changing out the heads on one of his drums when the other had told him he'd look good with a tattoo or piercing. He remembered promising when got older he'd consider it. It was when he looked up at Ehren again that he felt a pull towards the other. Though they'd kissed just earlier, he knew that at that moment it was necessary. Ehren hadn't been paying attention and had been surprised when he'd looked up and Grimmjow had crawled over his legs and was leaning close to him._

Ichigo was startled at the chaste kiss. It was just a mere touching of Grimmjow's lips on his. He didn't know what to do. Grimmjow's lips were soft and somehow inviting. Ichigo didn't want to pull away. He closed his eyes and just let Grimmjow kiss him. It never escalated past a gentle prodding of his lips. Ichigo was indeed surpised as would have never guessed that measure of shyness was ever present in Grimmjow. He blushed and ducked his head down when he felt Grimmjow pull away. The other was still leaning over him knees on either side of his thighs. He could feel the warm puffs of air lightly agitating his bangs.

Grimmjow ripped himself away angry and embarrassed. When he'd been so wrapped up in his memories that he'd kissed Ichigo he'd been assaulted with all sorts of confusing images. He'd seen himself brutally attacking Ichigo, followed by a lighter memory of his childhood with Ehren. He felt like he was being torn in several directions at once. Ichigo had seen Grimmjow's expression change when he'd vaulted backwards. His hands raked through his hair tearing at the strands. Ichigo got to his feet unsure of what had just happened. Pained grunts were coming from Grimmjow in streams as he stumbled around grabbing his head. Ichigo jumped into action and wrestled his arms around the other from behind. Grimmjow lashed out catching Ichigo in the forehead with his elbow. Eventually he managed to bear Grimmjow to the ground locking his knees over the other's arms and straddling his back to keep him still.

Ichigo sighed and leaned forward so that his chin was barely touching the other's shoulder. "It's okay." He murmured not sure what else he could do.

Grimmjow eventually stilled. "Ichigo?" He questioned.

"Yeah." Ichigo slowly relaxed his body and let Grimmjow free. "I'm sorry." His head hung in guilt for allowing himself to enjoy something that to Grimmjow was probably very personal.

"warum?" Grimmjow grumbled while standing up. Suddenly he turned to Ichigo giving him a predatory look. "küss mich."  
(why?) (kiss me.)

* * *

A/N: yea I am a little late on getting this out, but I've been super busy with changing jobs. I noticed though that this chapter seems really long. I thought about dividing it up so that it wouldn't seem like it was dragging on, but I eventually decided not to. I am really excited to start to get into Grimmjow's human memories. I'm having fun coming up with what he was like. I'm trying to make it believeable and relate to his personality as a Hollow. I hope that I am doing so. I understand though that it's going to make him out of character a bit, but I hope not too much. Also, I plan to explain why as a kid Grimmjow bleached his hair in the next chapter.

*when I type football I mean soccer. Most of the world knows the sport as football and not soccer like in the US. I believe the other is referred to as American Football. I like to think Grimmjow would have enjoyed such a sport.

A big thanks to those that have offered me advice. I really appreciate it. Thanks to anyone who reads/ reviews. I hope you are enjoying this as much as I am typing it.


	4. Nacht

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He hadn't even really planned on getting that close to him, but he couldn't deny that between them there was some sort of electric chemistry. Some super magnetic draw that refused to let them be. He couldn't forget it not matter what he tried

Verloren

Kapitel IV

Nacht (night)

* * *

 

Ichigo had not planned on kissing Grimmjow. He hadn't even really planned on getting that close to him, but he couldn't deny that between them there was some sort of electric chemistry. Some super magnetic draw that refused to let them be. He couldn't forget it not matter what he tried. Just like when they were fighting, Grimmjow had completely invaded his mind making him unable to focus on other things. He'd been so good at hiding it while he was with his young patient, but today it was obvious his mind was elsewhere.

"Ichigo?" Lars' young voice cut into his thinking. "Alles wird gut." He smiled at the boy. He was very perceptive and kind.  
(everything will be alright)

Ichigo had learned very quickly that his patient wasn't some mentally disturbed child. He essentially just needed someone to listen to him and help him to properly balance out expressing and holding things in. The kid was incredibly keen. He'd been privy to somethings that his mother knew nothing about. Ichigo was not about to tell the mother either lest she start worrying even more and causing more undue stress to him. He'd realized at the onset that Lars was easily affected by the worries of his mother. He'd been pleased when eventually Lars' mother had relented and was okay with Ichigo working with him. All his sessions had been taking place in the hospital courtyard while the weather was nice. Lars seemed more comfortable there. Doctor Verstandt had been supportive of the idea being that he was a very progressive thinker. Ichigo had felt like his patient was comfortable with him now and had noticed that Lars could even tell when he was bothered.

"Yea..." He reached out and placed his hand on Lars' head in a show of thanks for the small bit of positivity.

The rest of his session he focused more on Lars and pushed all thoughts of Grimmjow to the back of his mind. He hadn't been too surprised when he'd learned the true reasoning for the kid being an introvert. It was all a mask. He was being bullied a lot in school, and pretty much just letting it happen. No asking for help and no telling his mother or the teachers. They'd only found out by accident. He'd pretty much ended up in therapy because one of the councilors had been afraid his lack of asking for aide was a sign of deeper issues. In truth, he was letting himself get bullied and not fighting back because he'd seen something that probably was supposed to be secret. His main tormentor had been beat up by his father and Lars had borne witness to it. Slowly, he was learning in his sessions with Ichigo that while noble, it wasn't the correct way to deal with the problem.

When he was done with his session he beckoned Dr. verstandt and they both walked the young charge out to his mother's awaiting vehicle. Ichigo stopped upon exiting the hospital and seeing Grimmjow seated on the bench across the street. Lars stopped walking too and looked up to see what Ichigo was looking at. He peered up at Ichigo noticing the light flush and surprise in his eyes. He tugged on Ichigo's hand motioning him forward. Ichigo had gotten used to Grimmjow popping up at random places, but this was the first time the man had ever shown up near the hospital since their first encounter. If Grimmjow approached him out of the blue and Lars' mother saw, it could lead to some complications being that she already wasn't fond of him. He swallowed the nervousness and smiled down at Lars squeezing his hand in response.

Once he'd bid his young patient farewell, he spent a few moments speaking with the doctor before turning his eyes to Grimmjow. The man stayed seated just watching him. Grimmjow frowns when Ichigo turns back into the hospital with the doctor impatiently bobbing his leg. He'd started to remember some odd things and he wanted to question the other. He was tense and on edge because of his desire for some sort of answer. When Ichigo exited the hospital again, his binders in hand, Grimmjow almost jumped up from the bench. He waits hoping that Ichigo will take the hint and walk to him. He was pleased when Ichigo crossed the street and made his way over to where he stood. He stared down at Ichigo noticing the light pink blush staining his cheeks. A small frown was gracing his features and Grimmjow briefly wondered what was going on. He promptly decided though that getting his answers were more important the the other's odd behavior. Ichigo turned away from him and started walking before he could say anything.

"Oi, Ich habe eine Frage." He stated firmly.  
(Hey, I have a question)

The only response he received was when Ichigo tilted his head in a motion that seemed to beckon him to follow. The other was walking very quickly and Grimmjow was getting annoyed. When he caught up he yanked Ichigo's shoulder causing him to stumble backwards and hit him in the chest. Ichigo's frown deepened as did his blush. Grimmjow couldn't stand what he felt was a prissy attitude. He'd merely wanted answers that he was sure the other had, but so far all he'd gotten was awkward silence and lots of frowning. He was going to get to the bottom of it. Ichigo's voice pierced his thoughts and belatedly he realized that he somewhat understood what the other said.

"Don't make me ask again. Are you coming up or not?"

Grimmjow didn't know what to make of this new revelation and silently followed the other to his apartment. Ichigo sighed wondering what the questions were going to be. He'd been monitoring Grimmjow's spiritual pressure like Urahara had said and was finding all kinds of fluctuations. Nothing that resembled hollowfication, but it was definitely growing, which to Ichigo meant that Grimmjow was regaining memories and strong ones at that. When they made it up, he was quick to put distance between them, still picturing the kisses from last week. His flush made it very obvious to Grimmjow where his thoughts had gone. The other smirked at him.

"Siehst du Geister?" Grimmjow approached Ichigo slowly. "Ich Auch." He stopped when he was very much in Ichigo's personal space. "Warum?" He whispered when he was only a small breadth away.  
(You see spirits. Me too. Why?)

Ichigo shook his head. He wasn't ready to go there with Grimmjow. He was not sure how much the other remembered and didn't want to tell him things if he didn't know anything of what was really going on. He swallowed nervously while stepping back to put some distance between them. He was starting to realize how dangerously close he'd let Grimmjow get to him. A slight tilt of the head and the man would be all lips on him and he wasn't sure if he'd push away either.

"Lügner!" Grimmjow hissed while pushing him up against the counter. "Die Wahrheit. Aber!"  
(Liar! The truth. Now!)

Ichigo could have easily pushed Grimmjow off him but thought it wouldn't be very fair. His mind raced to give Grimmjow a believeable explanation. He supposed he could be honest about the reaper part since he'd shown himself already. He didn't want to explain about hollows though. He'd rather Grimmjow remember that part himself. The other's body caging him in didn't allow him to concentrate. He wasn't aware of exactly when his body had decided that it was okay to not only find Grimmjow appealing, but also to desire him. He'd wondered when had the tension and dislike turned in such a manner.

"Ichigo." He whispered harshly one hand coming up to grip the other's arm.

Ichigo looked up at Grimmjow flushing at the close proximity of their bodies. Grimmjow's eyes were so impossibly blue. Even as a human they still seemed to glow. Ichigo felt like he was drowning. He watched as the frown on Grimmjow's face softened as did his grip. Their eyes met for a brief moment and then Grimmjow was closing the gap.

"I'm not Ehren." Ichigo mumbled out just before Grimmjow's lips touched his.

"Ich weiß." Their lips brushed together. "Es ist mir egal."  
(I know. Don't care.)

Ichigo wasn't sure what exactly had happened. One minute he was trying to think of a way to not tell Grimmjow about souls and hollows and the like. The next minute he was two seconds away from wrapping his arms about his neck and kissing back with equal fervor. His eyes slid closed and his worries about how close they had gotten seemed to fade away. Their kiss deepened tongues lashing together. Grimmjow was every bit as domineering and rough in this as he was as a hollow. Ichigo found himself enjoying every moment and responded by digging his fingertips into Grimmjow's shoulders.

_I see what you're doing to king here. Just because you forgot and he's forgiven you doesn't mean I will._

Grimmjow heard the distorted voice clearly in his head. White flashed infront of his vision and for a brief moment his mind's eye was looking right back into a menacing yellow and black stare. Suddenly Ichigo ripped himself away his heart pounding. The look on the other's face had told him it was too late. His hollow had made himself known to Grimmjow and had even threatened him. In the time he'd been enjoying Grimmjow's attentions he'd lowered his guard enough for the other part of himself to show through. Ichigo had been quick to try to shut that part up.

Grimmjow stepped back and ran his fingertips roughly over his face in confusion. His eyes narrowed as he continued to look at Ichigo. "Ein Dämon."

"Sorry Grimmjow. Maybe you should go." Ichigo stated while turning his back.

Grimmjow still hadn't gotten his answers and wasn't one to be deterred that easily. While confused about what had just happened, he wasn't going to let it drop. He took two steps forward and yanked Ichigo around and pulled his hair so that he was looked directly into the other's eyes. The warm, almond-brown eyes he was used to seeing were different. More menacing. Beneath that look though he could see the pleading. He grinned. Something in him knew that look.

"Please..." Ichigo's voice was soft, but he could hear some of the malicious taint in it.

Grimmjow tilted his head studying Ichigo's countenance. Eventually he let the other go. "Bis später." He smirked then turned to leave.

* * *

Grimmjow awoke suddenly his mind racing and his body twitching. He laid eyes open wide staring at the ceiling as his mind wore off the aftereffects of his dreams. Everything had felt so real. His body ached where he'd been stabbed and shot. He'd died so many times in his dreams each one being different. Oddly though, with each death, he'd felt a little bit more himself. Small memories were there and he found himself more aware of things. He could _feel_ Ichigo now despite being away from him. He could even tell which direction. It was a new sensation and one that he deemed useful once he got used to it. He turned so that he was looking out the window coincidentally in the same direction that the other was. A spike of pressure hit him and it made him wonder what exactly was going on. It had been quick and sharp, but then had lulled back into Ichigo's warm aura.

Grimmjow hummed thoughtfully. While he was learning more about himself, he hadn't really gotten any closer to how he knew Ichigo. He was even at odds with what the kid was after that mental threat the last time he'd kissed him. Whatever devil was lurking around knew something about him and his history with Ichigo and he wasn't keen on being left in the dark. That eerie thing had made it seem like he'd hurt Ichigo or something like it. He shrugged. Whatever bad blood was between them before seemed to have been forgotten. He wasn't one to complain either. Past or not, he was very sure of one thing. He found the med student damn attractive and wanted to pursue whatever odd relationship could be made.

Ichigo was pacing in frustration. After Grimmjow had left he'd gone into his mind's world just to chastize his hollow. That had gotten the two of them in a big argument followed by a fight which Zangetsu had merely watched telling him that it needed to get out in the open. While he'd beaten the other, some wise words of caution had been given to him showing that in a twisted way, his hollow was only looking out for his well being. He hadn't given much thought to what would happen between the two when Grimmjow remembered everything about being an Espada. His hollow had pointed out while the other was no contest to Ichigo, emotions might still his blade should the need to purify him happen. Ichigo sighed and stopped pacing angry at himself for letting it get this far.

_Yo, King. For now you don't have anything to worry about. Once he starts understandin' and speakin' back the same as you then you'll know._

Ichigo sighed and turned toward the window that faced the park. He was tempted to go out and walk just to clear his head. It was very obvious to him that he'd let Grimmjow get under his skin in a completely different manner. The worst part was that his hollow knew every sordid detail of what he wanted to do with the other. On one hand he felt guilty for how much he wanted Grimmjow, his former enemy. In that same vein he felt shame for how debauched the actions were that he wanted to take. On the other hand, he couldn't seem to care. He'd suffered for everyone and even looking back he'd do it again, but he also wanted some of that happiness that his old friends seemed to have come upon. No one seemed to understand. He wanted to be with someone on equal footing. None of the girls fit that aside from Rukia, who was happily with Renji, and who he didn't even see in that manner. And either way, he didn't really think he could see himself with one of the shinigami. The vaizards had maintained a mostly good relationship with him, but he hadn't been attracted to any of them and frankly felt weird thinking of anyone that way. Grimmjow for some reason was different. The man was attractive and similar to himself. For some reason he had no problem picturing Himself and Grimmjow entwined in compromising positions despite their only interaction before had been out of violence.

Grimmjow had been mentally watching Ichigo's presence move back and forth. He stretched his senses unknowingly trying to pinpoint the other and found he could actually feel faint traces of emotions. It was amazing. Grimmjow wondered if this was something he could do before. Ichigo's aura stopped moving and Grimmjow sat up trying to tune into it. He felt it spike suddenly and then it was on the move. He grinned and slid out of bed. He was going to try to casually corner the other one and swindle some information and maybe some other things out of him. He was also interested in seeing what this newly discovered ability was about.

He was lucky as he easily found Ichigo. The ginger was sitting in the grass staring out at the man-made pond in the middle of the park. Ichigo turned as soon at Grimmjow had taken a step off the sidewalk. The aura was tangible now. It was like when he'd woken up at the other's apartment. It was gently rolling over him, and he noticed that the emotions were more clear in it. Confusion and surprise were there, as well as what seemed like longing and something darker. It was enticing and he knew he wanted to feel more. As he stepped closer he regarded the heat in Ichigo's honey colored gaze.

"Grimmjow. It's kinda late for you to be about." It was whispered with a small frown, but he heard it and understood.

"Ichigo. Was machst du?" He tilted his head trying to concentrate on the pulsing presence that seemed to be entwined around him.  
(what are you doing?)

Grimmjow sat down in the grass next to the other. He could feel the heavy gaze on him. When he turned to meet it he was rivetted in place by the way Ichigo's eyes seemed to glow. The almost inocent stare went against all the barely noticeable emotions that permeated the air. Damn if he didn't want to kiss Ichigo again. As he reached over to pull the other towards him his fingers slid over an oddly smooth patch on Ichigo's right arm. He looked down curiously and saw a faded pink scar. His brow furrowed in confusion. Somehow, he recognized it. He turned the arm over and saw a matching one on the underside. The wound must have been a painful one and he tried for the life of him to think as to why it looked so damned familiar.

"Was ist das?" He questioned suddenly his eyes not leaving the site of the scar.  
(What is that?)

Ichigo didn't respond, but rather ripped his arm free. No matter what he thought of Grimmjow now, that scar was a reminder of the crushing blow to his pride that had been dealt. It was the faded picture that told him how weak he'd been before. He scowled as he covered the scar with his left hand.

"Ich tat es." Grimmjow mumbled.  
(I did it)

Ichigo's reaction confirmed that. Wide brown eyes stared at him in surprise. The air was apprehensive now. The vision of yellow and black eyes came bleeding back into his mind. His thoughts were jumbled as he continued to stare at Ichigo. What was it about him? Grimmjow needed to find out. His very sanity hinged on whatever secrets Ichigo knew about him. A cell phone beeping cut through the air and suddenly Ichigo was on his feet. He stared warily at Grimmjow before seemingly making up his mind about something.

"If you can understand me, take me home." Ichigo muttered softly.

Grimmjow had no idea what the underlying meaning to that statement was. He'd clearly knew the words somehow, but take him home? He grunted in surprise when he saw Ichigo's body start to fall lifelessly backwards. In an instant he dashed forward to catch him. The stifling pressure was back and he closed his eyes against it. When he opened them again, he was shocked to not only find an unconcious Ichigo in his arms, but the black robed apparition standing in front of him as well.

_King, this isn't smart._

Ichigo shook his head at the hollow's prodding words. "Take me home and when I get back we can talk."

Grimmjow looked between the two forms of Ichigo and nodded hesitantly showing that he did indeed understand what had been said. Before he could ask though, the air became almost electric and then the other was gone. He sighed gruffly and slung the body over his shoulder in a fireman's hold. He was thoroughly confused and hoping to get some answers.

Ichigo had returned to the apartment about half an hour later through the bedroom window. Grimmjow had settled himself in the living room chair and had started to fall into a daze when the sound roused him. He watched with mild fascination as the apparition approached his body and seemed to disappear into it. A moment later Ichigo sat up from the couch and cracked his neck.

"Thank you. So, can you understand me?" Ichigo asked while turning to look at Grimmjow. When the other nodded at him he pulled his lips into a thin line remembering his hollow's warning. "I'm not sure what to tell you other than I'm not a demon or a ghost." Grimmjow tilted his head letting the other know he was listening. "I'm a reaper. I help lost spirits find their way to the next life."

Grimmjow seemed to be processing this information. It made sense after all that he'd seen. His eyes kept going to the scar though. That was what he wanted to know about. Unfortunately Ichigo didn't seem to want to say more. He was angry at being left in the dark when obviously the other knew about him. He stood up abruptly and grabbed Ichigo's shoulders putting them in the same position as earlier. He shook the man angrily demanding some kind of answers to who he was. Ichigo hadn't responded to kindly to that and had punched him in the gut. That caused the two of them to get into a scuffle. They rolled around on the carpet punching at eachother. While Ichigo could have easily tossed Grimmjow off with his spiritual pressure, he wanted to fight fair. He was regretting that decision though when Grimmjow managed to pin him to the floor. He turned his head and blushed when he realized that the compromising postion easily let the other know he was turned on. Grimmjow had apparently noticed and was grinning victoriously at him.

"Get off me." he hissed while still avoiding looking at the other. When the other refused to move he let the wall between the hollow and himself lower. It was not enough to cause any damage, but definitely enough to threaten. "Do not make me use force."

Grimmjow complied noticing the way that Ichigo's voice twisted as he spoke. He flopped down on his back on the floor next to the other trying to calm his racing pulse. Ichigo had been turned on fighting him and he had pretty much been in the same place. It was thrilling and he had to take deep breaths to try to ebb the adrenalin rushing his system.

"I refuse to tell you what to remember." Ichigo sighed. "Our history is a short, but complicated one. It would be much better if you remembered it on your own. I don't even know how to explain it."

He was upset, but everything around Ichigo was confusing. He hadn't started remembering things substantial until the other had appeared. The new things he felt and the increasing ability to understand clearly a language he didn't know along with the incredibly realistic dreams had him questioning himself. He then thought that maybe Ichigo truly _didn't_ understand what was happening to him. That maybe Ichigo had been just as surprised as he had. He'd already figured out that the other didn't know anything about his childhood. The gap between his supposed death and his current life was where Ichigo and his minglings lie. He wanted to know every bit about that part of himself. The odd clips of memory he'd gotten only served to confuse him more. Ichigo with those creepy inverted eyes, and the scars that littered his own body. Suddenly a notion popped into his head. He rolled onto his side and stared at Ichigo taking in as much as he could. He wondered how he hadn't noticed the faint scars on the boy's face and neck before now. As he reached out to touch them Ichigo's hand stopped him.

"Please, don't."

For several moments they lay there side by side on the floor, Ichigo's hand holding Grimmjow's wrist tightly down. The air was tense and he could feel the fingers curled around his arm tensing and untensing quickly. Finally it all stopped. The pressure, the tight grip on his wrist, it all ceased and left nothing but Ichigo's deep breathing. Grimmjow wondered if the other had fallen asleep. He slid his arm away slowly and noticed Ichigo didn't even flinch. As he sat up fully he took the time to nudge the other. When he received no reaction again he got up and moved to lift Ichigo up.

_Alright blue, King wants me to let him handle you._

Grimmjow started as the voice rolled around inside his head. He yelled out a startled "Wer-" when he was interrupted.

_Cool it blue. King's tired from tryin' to hold off my arguin'. So here's the deal, I'ma let him do his thing forgivin' you n' shit. The minute you turn on him though is the last. I will devour you._

Grimmjow didn't know what to think. He recognized the malicious voice. He wanted to question it, but it seemed he'd gone silent. As curious as he was before, he was even moreso now. Ichigo's explanation did not include the devil's voice that was speaking directly into his thoughts. Whatever it was, Grimmjow thought it sounded mighty protective of Ichigo.

He'd been so wrapped up in the promised threat, he hadn't even realized when he'd made it to the bedroom. He leaned over to slide Ichigo down from his shoulder and to try to put him down with the least amount of jostling possible. The manner he'd set him down left him halfway poised over Ichigo. He swallowed nervously has he gazed down. No matter how many times Grimmjow had looked at Ichigo, it had never ceased to amazed him at how handsome he was. He shifted the other over and slid down next to him only intending to lay there admiring for a moment. The second he laid down though, an intense feeling of sleepiness came over him and he drifted off.

Grimmjow awoke to the feeling of sand against his bare arms and back. As he opened his eyes, all that surrounded him was black and white. A chill ran over his body as he stretched and then stood up. When he bent over to dust his clothing off he became aware of the odd nature of his apparel. The white fabric swished against his legs as he moved and he couldn't decide whether or not it was a familiar, comfortable feeling or not. A sound in the distance caught his attention. Grimmjow tried to locate the source, but could see nothing for seemingly miles and miles. Still though, he could hear it clearly and decided to walk in the direction it came from. He felt like he'd been walking forever when he came upon the sight of Ichigo crouched in the sand. The stark black of his clothing contrasted with the whiteness around him making him stand out. A soft hissing came from the boy causing him to peer curiously over his shoulder.

"I can't help it. The wounds won't stop bleeding." Again Grimmjow noticed that he could clearly understand. "Why won't you stop hurting?" It was as if Ichigo didn't know he was there.

The hissing gave way to pained mewls and then Grimmjow saw what was making the noise and what Ichigo seemed to be talking to. Wrapped in Ichigo's arms was a cat. It was just as white as the sand, but had piercing blue eyes. The small animal made a low growling noise which caused Ichigo to turn and look at him. Grimmjow frowned and knelt next to him in the sand all the while gazing at the cat. It flailed around angrily in Ichigo's arms as he neared. That was when he noticed that large deep gash spanned the entire chest cavity of the small animal and was bleeding profusely despite the makeshift bandages Ichigo had made.

"He needs you to live." Ichigo's tone was pleading and angry all at once. "It won't stop hurting unless you fix it!" Grimmjow was confused. "He'll die if you don't fucking do something!"

Ichigo brought the cat up to Grimmjow's arms pretty much forcing him to take it. Its body was warm and despite the wounds its fur gleamed with some sort of unearthly shine. He tilted his head brow creasing into a frown as the animal stared at him with a look that hid a human understanding. As the cat's pupils dialated Grimmjow felt tingling in the back of his head that slowly grew into a burning and painful sensation. He clenched his eyes shut against the growing intense sensation.

When he opened his eyes again he was staring at a peachy ceiling and the warm weight of an arm was on his chest. Rapidly he blinked a few times trying to get his barings. The sfot breathing next to him roused him to full attention and he turned his head to come face to face with Ichigo. Momentarily he wondered what had happened when the prevoius night's activities came slowly creeping back into his mind. He hadn't meant to actually lay down much less fall asleep, but now he was in a compromising position with the other that would for sure incite questions and perhaps even the other man's temper. When he tried to move though the hand stretched over his chest tightened in his shirt and a leg was flung over his own effectively trapping him in place. Instead of trying to move again he lay still pondering the events in his dream. It was as if it had opened a completely new sense of awareness in him. And while he couldn't remember everything, his understanding of a lot of the goings on was more clear. A smirk stretched across his lips as he turned to look at Ichigo again. Oh yes, he was the key for sure. Grimmjow was going to get his answers even if he had to pry that tight-lipped frown open with his hands.

* * *

A few days had passed since Ichigo had woken up almost on top of Grimmjow. His first reaction had been anger and then embarassment. He'd then forced Grimmjow to leave and had pretty much just decided to ignore the entire situation. Grimmjow had found himself quite annoyed and angry that Ichigo was avoiding him. It hadn't helped that his since the initial dream of the wounded cat, his mind seemed to be constantly buzzing with static. His memories seemed to be flitting in easier now too. As he sat in the floor pricing merchandise all he could think of were things about his father. His father had died when he was only eleven frustratingly so, he couldn't remember how. He had remembered how close his father and him had been. Despite his constantly rough behavior, he'd constantly looked up to his father. He was a strong man.

"Vater, du fehlst mir." He mumbled as he arranged the stickered percussion equipment on the shelf.  
(father, I miss you.)

When he'd been younger he'd always followed his father wanting to learn everything he could from him from music to fighting. He chuckled when he thought of the memory of his mother nearly dieing of shock when he'd gone out and tried to bleach his hair so that he looked like his father's son. He'd gotten a sound tongue-lashing about how he could have burned his scalp or made his lovely hair fall out. However, his mother had been endeared by the reasoning behind it. The habit had continued well into the fall after he'd been suspended from private school because the teal roots had started to grow in. He'd laughed when his father had left the university to come pick him up and had explained that for some reason Grimmjow was naturally born with teal hair. For the longest time he'd continued to bleach his hair until his father had died. That made an angry growl catch in his throat. He threw the pair of sticks he'd been pricing on the floor his good memory thoroughly ruined.

His bad mood stayed throughout the rest of his shift until the shop keeper had told him to set up the new display drumset. He smirked as he'd gone through the set up with ease acutely remembering his father's instructions. The old owner had been impressed. Grimmjow found himself staring longingly at the set. When a pair of sticks were thrust into his hands and he was asked if he knew how to play he grinned. He wondered if his old muscle memory would come back or if he'd make a complete ass of himself. He adjusted the stool for his height then sat down behind the set twirling the sticks and tapping his foot. He thought of the times he could remember his dad warming up. It was all a delicious nostalgia. He inhaled deeply and then let his right foot hit the bass pedal down. The ressonant thump thrilled him. Soon he found himself drawn in and playing. The movements felt a little awkward like rusty gears coming back to life. His rhythm wasn't quite consistent, but it showed to the owner that the knowledge had been there.

He felt pumped by the time he'd left. He was intent on finding Ichigo now that his mood was better and more of his confidence was restored. It had already started to get dark so he knew Ichigo would already be at the cafe or on his way back home. He walked briskly towards the small shop that he knew the ginger frequented. He was disappointed when he arrived and saw that their normal table was vacant. It didn't deter him though. He turned heel and began walking in the direction he had memorized to Ichigo's apartment. As he turned the block he caught sight of his target waiting outside a small bakery. He was about to approach him when the child he'd seen leaving the hospital with Ichigo exited. Grimmjow felt a warmth rise to his face as he saw the smile Ichigo bestowed as he held his hand out.

He followed from a distance hoping to corner the other after whatever errand he was on with the younger boy. He came to an abrupt stop as he heard angry scuffling. It was apparent that the pair he was watching had heard it too. The boy jerked from Ichigo's hand and took off down an alley Ichigo on his heels. Grimmjow's instincts perked and he followed quickly feeling a sickening deja vu. His eyes narrowed as he reached the edge of the alley. Ichigo had pushed his young charge back and had engaged the man farther back by grabbing his wrist mid slap to another child on the ground. Pleas of 'vater' could be heard. The man hadn't looked too kindly on the interruption and had turned to Ichigo to punch at him with the other fist. Ichigo had moved quickly letting go of the man's arm and dodging out of the way. The situation tilted for the worst when the man noticed that the other boy had made his way to the downed one trying to get him to move. Angry cursing turned toward the pair as did a booted foot. The sound of a pained grunt shocked Grimmjow into action. Rage spread through him as he shot into the alley and yanked the man back by the collar of his jacket.

"Grimmjow?"

Ichigo sat up from his position of shielding the two boys and watched in awe as Grimmjow pulled the man around and delivered a rattling punch to his face. The two boys pulled close to his sides watching in fear at the beat down the was taking place. He wrapped his arms around them crouched in a state of readiness should he need to intervene. Grimmjow was raw and graceful every move showing the agility and power contained in his form. It was beautiful and unrefined. Ichigo was raptly fascinated until the sickening crunch of broken bone pierced the air and pulled him back to awareness. He darted up and threw his arms around Grimmjow's midsection hauling him back away from the man who was now clutching his face in agony.

"Grimmjow stop." He whispered into the other's back hoping it would calm him down. "He's weak and not worth it."

It did. Grimmjow delivered one last swift kick to the man's gut before uttering with finality, "Vater ist stark, seinen sohn schützen."  
(Father is strong to protect his son.)

Moments later the local police were on the scene having received a call from a local sotre owner about the racket. Ichigo sighed as all of them were taken back to the station. The first call he made was to Dr. Verstandt figuring out quite easily that the boy that had been getting abused was his charge's bully. The next call was to the mother, and while he dreaded her presence, he figured it'd be best if she took the boys with her. The questioning was pretty easy. The officer was nice and even spoke and understood English making it not so rough on Ichigo to tell what had happened. Before he could answer as to why Grimmjow had intervened Lars had interrupted with much admiration that Grimmjow was Ichigo's boyfriend and jumped in to protect them. Ichigo hadn't said anything when the officer turned back instead started blushing furiously. Grimmjow who had been attempting to ignore the whole thing by staring angrily of to the side had heard that. One look at the crimson-faced Ichigo and he was cracking up.

Afterwhile the doctor and Lars' mother had shown up. When the situation had been explained Ichigo had been expecting a tongue lashing. He was surprised when instead she hugged him for protecting her son. She spoke with the doctor for a moment and then with the police. Eventually she left taking both boys with her. This left the three of them to sort out the mess of who Grimmjow was. Dr. Verstandt had stared in disbelief for sometime that his former patient was towering over him alive and well. It was a hassle but eventually things began to get sorted out. Grimmjow had been brooding the entire time as questions had been asked to him about what had happened. The scenario was unnerving and reminded him of things he couldn't quite remember. His mind was reeling uncomfortably and images were slowly falling into place.

When they had all been excused to leave it was well into the evening. He watched for a moment as words were exchanged between the doctor and Ichigo. Thoughts of the ginger were unsettling and pieces that he'd previously dreamed about were starting connect. He watched with bated breath as Ichigo walked towards him. For some reason he felt like a cornered animal. When Ichigo touched him a spark shot through him and several memories came crashing down on him. His possession over the other had become obvious the moment he'd seen that fucker Kick Ichigo while he tried to shield the two boys. It made sense now. He stepped back away from Ichigo's touch. Brown eyes gazed at him for a moment worry hidden underneath apprehension. Grimmjow's mouth ran dry as the desire to fight the other rose within him. He pushed himself away though. Ignoring the yearning with all his might. He had some thinking to do.

* * *

A/N: Yea, I totally had a clear idea of what I wanted to happen when I started writing this fic. Somehow though, as I got into the interactions with Grimmjow and Ichigo, they began to take life. While it hasn't deviated too much from my original plan, somethings did change. Hopefully for the better. I just can't keep the two of them apart. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed. I hope you're all enjoying it.

 


	5. Angst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He lay still for several moments noticing that he could almost feel Pantera pacing his mind. It felt strange to have the voice back in his head again. The spirit quieted down eventually the only trace of his presence the low almost purr vibrating in his mind.

Verloren

Kapitel V

Angst

* * *

 

Grimmjow had fled from the station with an overwhelming urge to destroy something. He hadn't felt like that for a long time. It was the same as when his father had been killed and he was sitting in the same place with people questioning him. Anger had risen up in him and as an adolescent, that event had turned him into the violent trouble maker he'd become. He'd already been a bit of a loose cannon as a child. Energetic with a quick fuse, but with the tragedy of his father's death and the lack of resolution, he'd pretty much lost any form of patience with few exceptions. Ehren had calmed him, but they'd essentially grown up together and so the other had been used to his explosions. In fact he was pretty sure that was one of the things that had brought them to the day the picture booth snapshot was from. Ehren had always been patient with him and had let him explode and tear about until he wore down. They'd understood each other.

Of course now that his missing memories about Ichigo had come flooding back, he could see that the other understood that part of him just as well as Ehren had his past self. It didn't lessen his frustration any. On the one hand he really wanted to smash his fist through the other man, but on the other hand, he wanted to ravish him. The easy way in which Ichigo had forgiven him also weighed on his mind. It brought to the forefront of his mind how he had attempted to save his life after their battle. It had wounded his pride as a warrior, but at the same time had made him question himself.

The confusion wrought his body and had him pacing a hole in the floor while muttering angrily in German. Killian had attempted to speak to him, but easily shied off at his glare. He stopped for a brief moment to feel out Ichigo's presence. The spiritual pressure was in the location of his apartment full of out of place emotions. He felt the tremors of confusion mixed amongst sadness and guilt. It surprised him as he didn't understand what Ichigo was guilty about. His gut ached with odd presence at the thought. He had so much more to answer for. He slid to the floor clutching at his own body. He'd killed violently, raged, was selfish, and had all but thrown Ichigo's forgiveness back in his face. He'd gone against everything that his father had taught him. It was then that Grimmjow realized why he'd hated Aizen and rebelled against him, yet couldn't seem to get out from under his sway.

Aizen's powers of perception had been astonishing. They'd pulled the deepest thoughts from a person. Grimmjow could see some of his father in Aizen. And while being a hollow, he didn't remember much of his human life, there was still a bit of that pull. His soul recognized it and it made him unable to completely rebel. Ichigo had been the first thing to make him so openly go against the man. He'd been drawn to the boy thought his power, determination, and sheer stubbornness. He saw himself, but even more. And the emptiness in him had hated it. It festered and grew until suddenly the hate had turned more to a rivalry and being reborn, he'd gone even further and formed a friendship and desire. He slammed his fist against the floor. No matter what, human or hollow, there was a force that pulled him to Ichigo. He knew eventually he was going to have to face the other, but for now he was content to stay away his pride holding him back.

Eventually he tired himself out and went to sleep. His dreams were more clear this time around. Eventually he came to the same one he'd had before. Lying in the sand, but this time the environment and the garb were more familiar and comfortable. He felt Ichigo in the distance and this time ran to him. A feeling of dread washed over him as he came across the same scene of the bleeding kit sitting in the reaper's lap. This time though the animal was near motionless and not fighting. Grimmjow gazed down at him taking note of the dulled eyes and labored breathing.

"I can't do anything, the bleeding won't stop and he can't heal." Ichigo muttered sadly. "

Grimmjow frowned down. A name seemed to come to him. "He's mine. Pantera..." He knelt down in the sand and reached for the small animal his hand trembling. "Pantera." He repeated again.

Right as his hand touched the kit's forehead and bright wave of energy pulsed through him. His eyes shot open and he was awake and staring at a non-descript ceiling. He felt a weird sensation itching through his body like energy with no place to go. Then suddenly he heard it, the low rumbling voice in his head that had been present as a hollow. He sat up quickly his breathing quickened and his pulse racing.

_I've been waiting in the dark for you._

"Pantera..." The name felt thick and unfamiliar on his tongue unlike in his dream.

_You speak my name as if you don't know it. What has happened to my 'Great King'?_

The voice was mocking and a little bit tired sounding. Grimmjow didn't know how to respond or what to do. Pantera's voice seemed to speak in several languages at once and though his mind held the knowledge of how to speak back his body did not and the words stuck in his mouth. Finally he just laid back down and bit out a scathing remark in German. He was irritated at his own inability and the mocking tone hadn't helped.

_It's like having a cub all over again. I am you and you will never escape that. I was what you became at death. I was an extension of your own body after you became aware again. Don't insult me boy._

"Sei ruhig! Ich weiß ." (be quiet! I know.)

He lay still for several moments noticing that he could almost feel Pantera pacing his mind. It felt strange to have the voice back in his head again. The spirit quieted down eventually the only trace of his presence the low almost purr vibrating in his mind. He frowned and closed his eyes again feeling out for Ichigo once more. The odd, guilty and sad pulses were still present and for some reason it angered him. He thought about confronting it again, but his body was just too tired to respond and he eventually fell back into a lull.

When he awoke later, his body felt different. He didn't feel ready to burst at the seams, but he did notice the soft roll of Pantera's pressure. It was almost comfortable. As he stretched to wake up, he also expanded his awareness searching for Ichigo again. The other was not home so he figured there was no need to approach the hospital. He could wait until later. He actually wanted to talk to the police officers about himself now that he had the major portion of his memory back. The station had triggered some graphic memory and he figured that would be a good place to start on checking his facts.

Meanwhile, Ichigo sat uncomfortably in Dr. Verstandt's office. The man had his back to Ichigo seeming to sigh in disbelief. It was tense and making him not want to be there. He knew that he was going to get questioned about the previous events, but he didn't know to what extent. It made him on edge and it didn't help that he could actually feel the thrum Grimmjow's spirit nearby. It caused his mind to wander into dangerous territory.

"Ichigo, I want to know... your boyfriend, who is he?" finally the doctor asked, his back still turned.

That question hadn't been what expected, but he answered honestly. "His name is Grimmjow."

There was a soft, almost pained sigh. "I thought so." Eventually the doctor turned and came to sit across from him. "I don't understand it at all. I thought he died. I thought I was seeing a ghost, but even though he'd older, I'd never forget him."

"Doctor?"

"Tell me how you met Grimmjow and I'll explain what has me spooked, so to speak."

"You probably wouldn't believe me." He chuckled. "It was complicated to say the least. He was in with a not so great crowd of people. In fact we met because of a fight." He swallowed trying to be truthful, but still leave out the more supernatural elements. "We actually hated each other at first and clashed every time we came into contact."

His mentor chuckled. "Now that's pretty believable. He's always been aggressive." He bade Ichigo to continue.

"Well, I think through fighting we kinda gained a mutual respect for one another. One of his 'buddies' turned on him though and nearly killed him." Ichigo coughed the sight coming to the forefront of his memory. "It was a pretty bad wound. I didn't know if he'd make it."

"Guess he's just as stubborn about living as well."

Ichigo shifted his eyes downward and cleared his throat. "Yea, well I didn't see him after that until oddly enough he ran into me here." He tilted his head. "He didn't remember me at first, but somehow he was drawn to me."

The doctor smiled at the soft tone Ichigo's voice had taken. "Without the aggression or reason to fight you whatever bond you had before his injuries was remembered."

"I think it was then that I realized that I was attracted to him and always had been."

"Okay, let me tell you about him even if it violates patient confidentiality a bit." A very serious expression came over the elder man's face. "Grimmjow was one of my patients. He was always an aggressive child, but it stemmed from getting picked on." He sighed. "That kid had a really strong sense about him though, but he had anger issues. They got exponentially worse when his father was killed."

"I don't think he remembers that. He has lots of gaps in his head." Ichigo sighed. "I think though, that event triggered a memory of his father that wasn't pleasant."

"Grimmjow's father was actually a wonderful man. In fact, when he was a child, his anger was a sore spot for him because he loved his father and wanted so much to be like him. He admired the man and always seemed to beat himself up for getting into trouble."

Ichigo hummed thoughtfully. "That explains something for me."

After a while more of talking Ichigo had found out some elements of the other's past that made Grimmjow's actions make a lot more sense. It pretty much explained his contempt for Aizen. Even if he didn't remember his human life, he was sure there was some sense of recognition of the mockery of a 'father' Aizen had made to the Espada. It probably rubbed him the wrong way even if he didn't know why. He sighed again as he'd made his way home. He wanted to see Grimmjow again. He wanted to know if he was okay after he'd bolted. He supposed it didn't matter since he'd be leaving in just over a month. He knew that it was a bad idea to get attached to the other, but for some reason he couldn't help it.

* * *

During the next few weeks he barely had caught sight of Grimmjow. He'd see him in passing, but never went out of his way to talk to the other. The curiosity was killing him, but he didn't really feel like inciting an unnecessary conflict if at all possible. Given the other man's personality, he figured Grimmjow would approach him on his own terms. It was near driving him insane, but he tried not to focus on it since he had more important things to fret over. His review was going to be coming up soon, plus he was going to have to make formal reports about his time abroad detailing his personal experiences as a student and intern. Sadly he knew his tryst with the other had to be put aside.

Usually he would sit at the cafe in the same table hoping to catch sight of the other, but as the weather had gone cold, he didn't find that as an option. He tried to keep close to the window though, just in case Grimmjow did decide to approach him. By the third week he'd pretty much just resigned himself to forget about the other. He was probably better off not being involved with him in the first place. If he had his previous life memories back that would be great, but he knew that the ones of his hollow life were still floating around. Every now and then he'd feel a small spark in spiritual pressure. Even with his cruddy detection of it, he still knew it as Grimmjow. His body recognized it on a deeper level.

Life had suddenly felt weird for Grimmjow. His hollow nature was more prevalent and he found himself even more irritable because of his current caretaker, but Killian had reminded him a little bit of Di Roy. The other had looked up to him in an awed and adoring fashion, and little nuances about Killian were very similar. Some days it grated on his nerves endlessly and others he simply tolerated it. The battle between his prior life and time in Hueco Mundo was causing a vast discomfort between himself and Pantera. He'd taken to asking the owner of the music store if he could stay after hours to practice the drums. Thankfully the older man had agreed and he'd found way to burn off excess energy without destroying anything.

He was also going round about Ichigo. He'd long discovered that he didn't hate the shinigami despite their feuding. He also had decided that even though Ichigo's personality reminded him of his teenage years and the boy that had his heart, there was a completely different attraction to the other. Without his memories of either kind, he'd found Ichigo physically pleasing and charismatic. It had bothered him the first few days after his memories had started flooding back, but after a lengthy argument with his zanpakuto he'd been forced into submission on the issue.

Even after talking with the police and with Killian, he still was delaying approaching Ichigo. He didn't know if he could face him without old habits coming back now. He wanted to make sure that he was calm and in control of himself enough to talk to the other. He actually was interested in hearing the other man's side of the story. Killian had at some point suggested he try to speak with his old psychiatrist to help him cope with all his memories and stress. It was a good idea that he had agreed with, but the problem he now had was that he knew Dr. Verstandt was Ichigo's mentor.

He'd managed though to get the doctor for a few hours without the student around. It had been difficult getting himself to go into the hospital since with even clearer memories it made him anxious. A mental ass-kicking from Pantera got him through the doors and into the office. It had felt like a weird deja vu seeing all the same things all over again. The doctor's office hadn't changed much from when he was a child. A few pictures of family and some drawings from patients littered the wall, but it was still the same. He blanched recognizing one of his own on the wall. He walked over and touched the center of the paper studying the blue eyes floating in a complete blackness.

After several moments he turned to the older man and cleared his throat. He didn't know where to start, but apparently the other did. He explained what Ichigo had told him, and asked to hear Grimmjow's recount of how they knew each other. He had explained that he had known about Ichigo before they met and had wanted to fight him. He tried to be true to his side of things, again leaving out the supernatural elements just as Ichigo had. After that the doctor asked him if he remembered his father's death, and then his own 'supposed' death.

"Ja. Schmerzlich..." He sighed. "Er fehlt mir." He admitted quietly.

(Yea. Painful. I miss him.)

_Grimmjow had recalled every detail of his father's death. It had been a good night before that. The place had been packed up to see the band. He'd remembered watching from back stage as his father played on the drumset that he got to help set up. He'd been walking carrying his father's cymbal bag back to their vehicle. Everything else was loaded out and he'd insisted on taking the bag. When they'd walked into the parking lot a man had approached them. At first his father had calmly spoke with the man motioning for him to stay put. At the last moment though, he'd seen the knife. His father's grunt of pain as he'd been stabbed in the stomach was the only thing he heard. Violent tendencies kicked in reflexively and he had charged at the man swinging the heavy bag. It had impacted the man's leg causing him to fall to knee. Grimmjow had been quick to strike again lifting the bag with all his might and thrusting it at the man again. It had been enough to disorient the attacker and help his father up. He'd dropped the cymbals and tried to heft his father up over his small body. Each grunt of pain and muttered curse made him cringe. They were but a few steps from the club door when the attacker was on them again. The knife had come at him, but his father had taken the brunt of the blow. The second wound had come to his side as he'd shielded Grimmjow. But it didn't stop. The man had pushed the elder aside and grabbed his chin. He'd felt a deep sting when the blade touched his jaw._

_"Rührt ihn nicht an!" He'd remembered saying it even as the knife cut again along his cheek. (Don't touch him!)_

_His father's angry yell had startled the attacker and he'd turned forgetting about Grimmjow. The knife came down again, but his father's hands stopped it. He struggled trying to get control over the other. The commotion had drawn attention though. Club goers had come outside to see what the racket was and thusly had scared the attacker off. Emergency care had been quick to arrive on the scene, but it had been too late. Grimmjow had remembered refusing to leave his father's side. Even when they'd tried to take him to stitch his own cuts he hadn't let go of the man's hand. He knew his father wasn't going to make it as soon as his shirt had been cut away. The wounds had been messy and he'd vomited in the ambulance on the way to the hospital at the sight of them. Grey eyes had glazed over before they'd even made it into ER care. He'd stood at his father's side trying to be strong and not wanting him to go out alone. In the end his father had smiled and passed before anything could be done. After that he'd sat numbly and almost unaware to the doctor sewing his cuts closed. Then later when he'd been brought to the police station, he'd stared blankly and the gotten angered when the topic was brought up. Several attempts at questions had gotten them nowhere and Grimmjow had been cleared to leave._

Doctor Verstandt had heard the story before and he still made him feel for Grimmjow hearing again now. He was however shocked when he heard the next part. He'd known Grimmjow was violent. It had been evident in their sessions. At first he'd been brought in to help him cope with the event, but Grimmjow had quickly shown that it had desensitized him to violence. Even now, the minute twitches told the doctor that those tendencies were still there. He guessed that the quick temper was something that would never leave, but still he had not expected the admission from his former charge.

"Ich habe ihn getötet." It was frankly stated and the doctor knew exactly who he was talking about. "Ich fand ihn und er bezahlte für den Tod meines Vaters."

(I killed him. I found him and he paid for the death of my father.)

"Wie? Du warst noch so jung."

(How? You were still so young.)

Grimmjow told the doctor about seeing the man by chance. About following him and eventually deciding to take revenge. He'd never told anyone about it before, but somehow it was releasing to tell his old doctor about the harbored secrets. Dr. Verstandt had know everything from the taunts about his hair to when he'd started noticing that he was attracted his own gender. He'd known Grimmjow in his weakest moments and in his angriest. It only felt right now admitting to him. He knew the good doctor would never reveal it to anyone.

His own death and the missing years from then until the present became more tricky.

_He'd sent Ehren home after practice without him. He'd been planning his revenge for so long he didn't even care about the consequences. He'd followed the man to the darker areas and waited. No one had even cared, he looked as much in place as any delinquent teen that frequented there for their next fix. Right on schedule he'd rounded the corner and waited for a dealer. That's when Grimmjow had struck. Only he'd misjudged his own strength and his first blow hadn't knocked the man out. The same knife had been pulled on him and he had frozen on the spot. He'd gone down to the ground with a punch to the gut followed by a stab right to the center of the torso. As the knife had been pulled back he snapped to attention and tried to wrestle it away. It tore painfully at the wound. The blade came down again this time cutting deeply down past his navel._

_He'd blacked out for a moment. Apparently figured dead or close to it. He hadn't been out long though. Just as the man was finishing his deal, Grimmjow had managed to push himself up. A lead pipe caught his attention. His strength was draining away quickly and he had to act fast. His would be killer turned hearing the scuffing of the pipe on the ground. It wasn't fast enough. Grimmjow had summoned what was left of his teenage strength and bashed the man across the eyes with the pipe. He wound up again and struck the back of the neck. The sickening crack satisfied him and he painfully let the pipe fall to the ground. The bleeding was worse and he'd found himself near unable to walk. Every part of him felt cold and tingly. He'd slumped to the ground near the edge of an alleyway and the last thing he'd heard before he lost conciousness was the ringing of a low frequency roar._

Grimmjow knew he wouldn't really be able to properly fit those into his story so he had just tried to stick to what the doctor had heard from Ichigo. By the time he was done 'remembering' he felt a great deal lighter and actually like he knew himself better. The confidence he'd had as a hollow was back, and he had no qualms about approaching the other. His only problem was that he hadn't figured out quite what he was going to do when he did confront Ichigo. He had died before he'd gotten the chance to think of a future as compared to Ichigo who already had his mind set. Doctor Verstandt had complemented him on his choice in Ichigo, but that in itself was a problem. Ichigo would be leaving soon to go back to Japan. If there was something he was going to do, he was going to have to decide quickly.

On his way back to the apartment he made a detour to the cafe just to see if he'd catch sight of Ichigo. Again, there was no sign of him and he was about to leave when something else caught his notice. The blonde man he recognized from a previous introduction sauntered up to him easily. He was on edge, able to acutely smell the spiritual energy on the man. The smile on the other man made him feel ill at ease.

"Ah it's so nice to see you again Grimmjow-san." The voice was pleasant, but he could hear the threatening under current. "I've been keeping an eye on you for my dear Kurosaki."

"Eh?" He asked feigning ignorance.

"Ara? Come on, don't pretend like you can't understand me. I know you can. Hollows have an inherent knowledge of all languages. And I know you aren't a hollow anymore, but I know that spirit of yours is lurking beneath the surface." He stated while tipping his head.

"Ficken Pervers." Grimmjow muttered a scowl coming to his lips. Remembering how affectionate the blonde had been with Ichigo the last time he'd met him.

"Now, now. That isn't very nice. We both know that isn't true." He stepped forward letting a little energy loose. "I merely want to know what you are going to do. What are your intentions toward my dear Kurosaki?" He grinned widely again as Grimmjow choked a little bit on the spiritual pressure. "I'd have to repay you in kind if you hurt him."

He managed a dark glare at the blonde even while feeling quite stifled. Pantera was growling softly in his mind, but it wasn't threatening like he'd expected. All at once the pressure came off him and he could breathe again. The amiable smile was in place again and Grimmjow honestly felt quite baffled. He wanted to ask questions, but he was too proud and despite his understanding, the words still felt awkward in his mouth. He eyed the other warily as he pointed to Ichigo's regular table. Obviously he had more to say and Grimmjow wasn't sure if he wanted to be in the presence of someone so infuriating and threatening for much longer.

"Sit and let me tell you a little story about my favorite student." The tone of his voice was genuinely cordial and though it made him uncomfortable, he accepted the invitation cautiously.

"So...sprechen." He muttered.

(so. Talk.)

"Kurosaki Ichigo is an interesting case I'm sure you know. He's a reaper yes, but also part hollow. This is due to training with me of course, but the hollow is part of his soul. I know you've met him. Shirosaki, let's call him, is quite possessive over his host. I can only assume that you're allowed so close because Ichigo has argued him into submission, which means something very important and pivotal for you." He tilted his head giving a serious look.

"Ja...Der Geist? Ich weiß über ihn."  
(yea, the spirit? I know about him.)

"Ichigo can be a very violent person. Stubborn too. You affected him in many ways. He believes that meeting you gave him a push to get stronger, to be more instinctual. And quite frankly he enjoyed every bit of fighting you. He's revealed this only to me. Some how that love of challenge to you, his rival, turned to respect, then longing, and then desire, and now something deeper." He sighed an pulled his hat down completely obscuring his face. "He had very strong feelings for you that developed through fighting you. He felt tremendously guilty over the arrancar that he killed. Not knowing what had actually become of you had him in a depression and self-blame fit for the longest time."

"Ja, und?"

"Those feelings never went away. They were burried. He hasn't told anyone except me about you. He's afraid they'll hunt you down, but also, he doesn't want to interfere in what he thinks is a better life for you. He has his future ahead of him, but he can't forget about you." A small card was placed on the table. "You have to decide what life you want and if you want Ichigo and your past to still be a part of it. This will give you the proper means to contact me when you decide." He stood up. "I have ways of 'fixing' things, but you don't have much time."

Grimmjow stared at the card for several moments after the other had taken his leave. He didn't quite understand what happened. It was obvious that the other man was in the know about his history with Ichigo. Finally he picked up the small card. It looked like a standard business card except for the fact that all it had printed on it was "Kisuke Urahara". When he turned the card over to look for any other information something strange happened. His finger print became visible on the card and then morphed into a small skull shape. His eyes widened as it changed colors and began to glow.

"Was zum Teufel ist das?"

(What the hell is this?)

He pocketed the card when he felt Ichigo's presence nearing. The other rounded the corner and Grimmjow was about to approach him, but then he noticed the small group of doctor assistants with him. Quickly he took leave trying to do so before Ichigo noticed him. He didn't want to be around other people and he wasn't quite sure what would happen yet. It had almost worked. Ichigo barely caught his eye as he darted away. He'd seen the expression of surprise and felt the small flare in pressure, but he could wait a little to confront him.

* * *

"Ichigo! Wollen Sie mit uns das Weihnachtsfest gehen?" One of the students in the class he was proctoring stopped him on the way out.

(Would you like to go with us to the Christmas Fest?)

He turned and smiled feeling a lot more comfortable in speaking than when he first came. "Ja, ich werde gehen. Wann ist es?"

(Yea, I'll go. When is it?)

"Am kommenden Wochenende. Es beginnt Freitag Nacht." The student grinned and handed him a flyer.

(Next weekend. It starts friday night.)

"Soll Spaß machen." He said while looking over the brightly colored poster with band names and vendors listed.

(Should be fun)

"Es ist ein großes Ereignis hier." The younger man nodded and tilted his head. "Wir fahren jedes Jahr. Es wäre etwas für dich zu erinnern, wenn Sie verlassen."

(It's a big deal here. We go every year. It'd be something for you to remember when you leave.)

Ichigo nodded and tucked the flyer away, then glanced at his watch. "Schauen Sie, ich muss gehen. Ich habe mit dem Arzt für meine abschließende überprüfung erfüllen. Ich werde euch dort treffen am Freitag." He turned and waved.

(Hey look, I need to go. I have to meet the doctor for my final review. I'll meet you all there Friday)

"Mmhmm. Tschüs"

He walked briskly to the hospital while pulling his coat tighter. It was colder than he was used to in Karakura and it suddenly made him glad that he had splurged on the black military style jacket last year. The high neck wool kept him toasty and even though he hardly used it, the fur trimmed hood was a nice addition. Once he made it inside he went straight for doctor Verstandt's office as he was cutting it close to being late. Luckily the doctor was just finishing up with a patient when he came in, so he politely waited outside until the child left.

"Come in Ichigo." His mentor's voice beckoned.

He entered suddenly feeling nervous. Today he was going to be hearing all of the feedback from his mentoring doctor about everything from how he did his forms to how well he worked with his patient. He hadn't felt so unsettled since he'd fought with his inner hollow. He sat across the desk from the doctor and removed his jacket not sure what to say. A few moments of silence stretched between them as his mentor pulled up his notebook.

"Relax Ichigo. You're not going to the firing lines. We're going to talk about you and your process. What will hinder you in your endeavors and what will help you." He softly smiled.

"Okay." Ichigo visibly untensed and took his own spiral out just in case he was asked specific questions. "I'm ready."

"First off, you're the first Japanese exchange student I've ever had as an intern. I was a little worried about the language barrier, but as your profile stated before you came, you were very dedicated and caught on quickly. While you're not fluent in German, you managed to successfully work in this environment and even become more comfortable. Your adaptability is outstanding and your comprehension is commendable."

Ichigo bowed his head in respect knowing exactly why he was so quick to pick up things. Not that his mentor needed to know, so he simply nodded and thanked the man. "That means a lot."

"We're not here to discuss that though." The doctor smiled and picked up his notes. "I've been evaluating you since the very first day. Every step, session, action, word has contributed to your review." He cleared his throat while scanning a page. He then began to read what he was looking for.

_"Ichigo Kurosaki is a very intelligent man. His capability for this particular field seemed at first unsuspecting based on his physical appearance. The severity and seriousness of his expressions made me a bit unsure of setting him with such a young patient. I am very much glad that I did not decide to change it though. His whole demeanor softened and he easily connected with the boy in his first session. Though he seems to somewhat lack a filter when speaking, his resourcefulness made what could have been a more difficult situation smoother. Though he is very professional in handling his patient and his paperwork, his interaction with adults could use some attention. I don't see this to be too exhausting seeing as his primary field is in pediatric psychiatry. Ichigo seems to have a troubled history and I believe his experiences have helped in aiding his charge. Many times when indicated in write ups about the patient, there were complaints from the parent regarding his lack of conversation and emotion. After a few sessions of Ichigo with my supervision, I found that the patient seemed to have more energy and confidence while with Ichigo. Each session report turned in felt like it had even the smallest measures of improvement. The methods used seemed to assist in that manner as well. His own experiences and anecdotes allowed for a deeper understanding of the issues that may come up in this particular field. His ability to think outside of an office and chair made for a refreshing way of handling different personalities. I will be sure to integrate some of his ideas into teaching new interns and in my own practice. Even if his 'act first' way of handling things causes some discomforts, I think that most of the solutions reached were positive. Overall, I think he has room to grow and will become an asset in the field should he choose to pursue it."_

He handed Ichigo the grading rubric with a small smile. "Lars' counseling will be switched over to me, but he did wish to stay in contact with you if possible. I told him I'd ask your permission."

"I'd like that." Ichigo stood with his mentor and shook hands. "Thank you very much Dr. Verstandt for dealing with my less than normal behaviors. I've enjoyed shadowing you."

"Ichigo, you have been a refreshing intern." His expression turned serious. "I do have some questions regarding you and my former patient though." He pursed his lips. "Grimmjow came to speak with me yesterday. His story was pretty much exactly like yours on how you met, but I still feel as if you're both leaving something very important out that I think might be the catalyst in your relationship."

"I appreciate the concern, but if it's better, I'd rather Grimmjow be happy living in his past and forgetting he ever met me. I think long before now, I'd started to admit to myself that there was something there. Even so, I can't be selfish and force him to uproot everything when he's been given a second chance." He sighed.

"What will you do if he doesn't want to forget you?"

Ichigo smirked. "Beat the shit out of him and then welcome him back."

* * *

When Friday had rolled around a winter storm had blown through bringing about a fresh snowfall. It had not hindered the festival. The amount of tents and vendors way outnumbered any of the ones in Karakura. Street foods and pop-up bars littered the sidewalks offering all kinds of edible fare. He snapped a few pictures of his phone just to show his friends back home just how different Christmas was celebrated in Europe. Ichigo had done some research and had picked out a few things he wanted to try. Top of that list was wassail and a genuine winter brew German beer. Of course there were a few foods he wanted to try as well and he'd planned on getting his sisters some chocolates. He'd wanted to take as much advantage of the event as possible.

He turned when he heard his name being called and smiled softly noticing some of the med students. They all greeted him happily and began explaining all the things to do. The festival featured all kinds of music and events and later, the tree lighting would happen. Bands from all over the world were there performing not only traditional Christmas music, but also their own renditions. Some of the lesser known and locals were already out setting a celebratory mood. Ichigo was content to follow the group around every now and again stopping to inspect a vendor or take a picture. It was so familiar yet so different, but it still reminded him of taking his sisters to the festivals.

Eventually the students met up with other friends and Ichigo separated himself from them wanting to wander about on his own for a bit. He inhaled enjoying the way the snowy air smelled. So lost in his bliss he hadn't even realized that he'd made it to the main area where the tree stood. People were already shuffling around waiting for the lighting. He sat on one of the benches a bit away from the front, but still with a good view. It was way larger than any he'd seen before. He was sure Yuzu would be amazed by it.

Killian had been set on getting Grimmjow out. He'd actually put his foot down and forced the stubborn man out of the apartment and into the full swing of the festival. As soon as they'd gotten there though Grimmjow had gotten antsy at the amount of people and slunk off to a less crowed area. Killian had been miffed at first, but he'd let it go seeing as he'd actually gotten the other out. He briefly wondered if he'd spot Ichigo. He was almost positive he'd be there with some of the doctors or students. He frowned when he realized he'd been thinking about the ginger. He sighed sadly knowing that Grimmjow had been itching to see the other even if he didn't admit it.

Grimmjow had been irritated the moment he'd gotten near. His senses were clouded with noise and traces of spiritual pressure making it slightly harder to find the one he wanted. He generally had never really liked large crowds, it made him to prone to fighting. He'd lost Killian quickly and ducked around vendors and the bustle to find a more quiet location. Without strangers brushing up against him it was easier to focus. He let out a deep breath and stretched his spiritual awareness as far as he could. He realized, that having his memories and Pantera back in his head, he could identify things more clearly. He could feel people's happiness and agitation. He could smell the sweetness of spiritual pressure and found himself mentally sifting through the different scents looking for Ichigo's. Something spicy touched his senses just barely. He smirked recognizing the familiar spiritual pressure. He turned toward it and began to follow as the feeling and aroma became stronger. A crowd blocked his path and he finally noticed where he'd come to. Grimmjow eyed the mass of people scanning for the familiar fire-orange hair. People milled about as music started playing and the tree was lit. It cleared just enough path and for a split second he caught sight of Ichigo.

It was so perfect. The ginger was unaware, his face open in a soft smile. Grimmjow stalked toward him, intent on what he was going to do. Swiftly he wrapped an arm around the other man and pulled his back flush with his own chest while using his free hand to turn his face upwards. Everything became white noise as soon as his lips touched Ichigo's. Sparks shot through him, and a feeling similar to the thrill of battle came over him as a different fight for dominance ensued. A warmth settled in his gut and he felt more alive and complete than ever.

As they parted for air, Ichigo wrestled himself free and turned to face the other. He frowned as he stared intently into challenging blue eyes. Grimmjow was grinning at him. It was something akin to the same look the other got during their fights, but not quite as severe. The gaze provoked action and Ichigo grabbed the sleeve on Grimmjow's coat and tugged him away from the festivities. Ichigo's thoughts were a mess as he warred with himself over what he wanted to do. His hollow's urging of 'fuck it and throw caution into the wind' eventually tipped the scale. Grimmjow pulled back when he noticed how far away from the event they'd gotten. Instantly he knew what was on the other's mind and he could honestly say it was exactly what he wanted. Ichigo smiled at him and tilted his head in the direction of his apartment, but didn't tug giving him the final decision. A crushing kiss was his response hoping that it made his intentions very clear.

Suffice to say that he was nervous still when they made it to the flat. He hid it well, but he was embarrassed knowing that Ichigo had more experience in this area and that he was essentially doing this for the first time. He was sure of what he wanted, but still in actual practice he didn't quite know what to expect. Worries washed away when soft lips sought his once more. This time it was fervent, tongues twining and teeth clacking together. It invigorated him and he somehow managed to back Ichigo against the wall, kissing him senseless. When they finally pulled away, the way Ichigo's lips were plumped and his cheeks flushed sent a tingle straight through him. Honeyed eyes gazed up through a fine veil of lashes giving a text-book definition of bedroom eyes. Instantly Ichigo was on him again tearing their jackets away from heated skin. His blood hummed with arousal and he briefly wondered why he'd never thought to engage in this activity with Ichigo when they were fighting.

"Grimm..."

He froze hearing his name purred in such a manner. He'd never thought that just the sound of his own name would such a fierce reaction. He shuddered as Ichigo repeated it against his neck. He leaned back and let the ginger continue worshipping his body obliging easily when his shirt was pushed up questioningly. His body tingled every place that Ichigo kissed or touched, almost like he was being lightly shocked with spiritual energy. It was addicting. Eventually the other pulled away and beckoned him further into the apartment shedding clothes along the way. He followed the trail to the bedroom eyes glued to the manner in which the tight jeans hugged the pert butt in front of him. This was a liberty he was going to enjoy knowing that in the loose hakama the reaper wore, he'd never see that perfect ass. Ichigo turned as he approached. Years of pent up frustration came pouring out as he pulled the other closer and smashed their lips together.

"Ich will dich." He growled between kisses.

(I want you)

Ichigo moaned in response and slowly slid his way down Grimmjow's body until he was faced with a denim-clad groin. He swallowed in anticipation as he slowly dragged the zipper downwards. Ichigo didn't know how long he'd been wanting to do this exact thing. Maybe not so cautiously, but still he couldn't help the wanting that surged through him from Grimmjow's body. Teasingly he pulled the pants down making sure to grab the underwear with it all the while giving a self assured smirk to the other. Grimmjow couldn't think of anything other than how sexy Ichigo looked at the moment. He twitched impatiently feeling hot breath ghost over the head. He hissed when Ichigo pressed a kiss along the corona wanting more than the light touch. Then in an instant he was enveloped in heat.

"Scheiße!" he grunted not expecting how wonderful the sensation was.

Ichigo grinned around his erection and serviced him with a combination of languid licks and hard suction varying it up just enough to keep him from coming undone. He slid his hands up muscled thighs to let his thumbs rest against defined hips. He gently massaged the against the bones eliciting a series of gasps from Grimmjow. He relished in every sound the other man made and in every scrape of nails against his scalp. Just when he thought Grimmjow was close to his peak, he let off and gripped his member firmly. After a moment he met an incredulous blue glare with a teasing smirk.

"This is the one freebie you get." Ichigo murmured while removing the rest of his clothes.

At first Grimmjow was confused, but then he flushed in embarrassment that Ichigo had figured out his lack of sexual experience. He was pushed back toward the bed until his calves hit the mattress. He watched with some apprehension as Ichigo reached over him into the bedside table. Eventually a tube of lubricant and a condom were pulled out. He swallowed nervously trying to desperately hang on to his alpha-male persona. The discomfort was chased out as he watched Ichigo stretch and climb over him. Lightly tanned skin dotted with light freckling stretched perfectly over toned muscles. He licked his lips as his eyes worked downwards and finally settled on an uncut length with the head peaking almost coyly out. He didn't get much opportunity to admire though when the other grabbed his hand guided it towards his buttocks. He tested the firmness kneading gently and drawing soft moans out. He watched with relish as Ichigo carefully prepared himself, first lubricating a finger and then exhaling deeply and allowing it to sink in to his entrance. He did this a few times while Grimmjow groped generous handfuls of his butt-cheeks.

"Lass es mich tun." Grimmjow finally stated.

(Let me do it.)

Ichigo froze surprised at what the other had said. He had no problem in obliging the request though. Grimmjow let his grip loose after one final squeeze and held out his had for the lubricant. Ichigo handed it to him with his free hand while leaning forward to kiss him. During their kiss, he'd managed to coat his own fingers and nudged the other's away. The probing at his entrance distracted him from the kiss and he hissed as the pair of digits slid in. At first Grimmjow's movements were a little uncomfortable, but it didn't take long for him to catch on to what made Ichigo moan.

"Grimm... Stop. I'm ready." Ichigo stated breathlessly.

He withdrew and took the proffered condom. It was a snug fit, but he didn't have a chance to think about it as Ichigo's hand slicked him with the gellee. Grimmjow fought to keep his eyes open as he watched Ichigo seat himself over his straining manhood. He did not want to miss a moment of the experience he'd been denied by his premature death. In fact, he didn't regret at all that it was Ichigo sharing in this instead. The man's patience and expertise made it easy and relaxing and in his opinion, just as memorable as it could have been. When he was fully sheathed their eyes met for a scant second before Ichigo lulled his head back and moaned. It was the sexiest sight he'd ever witnessed and he had to steel himself to keep from thrusting up. When hazelnut eyes locked with his again, there was an unspoken permission in them. He pushed upwards experimentally gauging the response. A few more tries resulted in a rewarding gasp from Ichigo with an expression of concentrated pleasure to accompany it. He tried again harder and found that he very much liked the stream of noises his partner was making.

Ichigo's hands came in contact with his chest and Grimmjow's eyes widened as the other took control. His fingers tightened on the ginger's narrow hips as the thrusts became harder and more rapid. A stream of curses flowed from his mouth as Ichigo ground against him. Climax was fast-approaching and he did not want to embarrassingly tumble over the precipice prematurely. It seemed though that the other man seemed adamant about driving him to a fast orgasm. Muscled thighs tightened around him keeping him from aiding in the cacophony of skin slapping on skin. He was ready to burst at the seams. A particularly low moan from Ichigo shot him over the edge. The ginger continued to grind through his completion though taking himself in one hand to finish. Just as he rode out the last wave of climax, he felt Ichigo clamp and contract around him in his own peak. His hips kept undulating in decreasing pace until he finally slumped forward sated.

Eventually they separated. Ichigo invited him to a shower. Nothing was said between them. It was an odd, but still comfortable silence. Grimmjow's thoughts ran rampant of what he was going to do now that he'd admitted to himself his draw toward the reaper. He had been so lost in thought that he hadn't even realized when Ichigo had folded the comforter down quietly offering the chance at a morning after. Grimmjow yawned and flopped down dragging the other with him deciding that he could wait another day to decide.

* * *

a/n: Sorry that it took me forever to get this out. It's not beta'd so I apologize for mistakes. I also apologize for any errors in German. Mine is very rusty, so i'm sure that some of my more literal translations might not be correct. I really do love my fic, but I had some bad writer's block and then with stress and moving, it was hard to get back into the groove. Now I've got my muse back so hopefully updates won't be so scarce. Thank you to everyone who has read/reviewed/faved. I appreciate every bit of it. Hopefully you are enjoying my ficcage.


	6. vergangenheit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just this once I want to be selfish."

Verloren

Part VI

Vergangenheit

* * *

 

"Ichi." he shook the man laying next to him. "Ichi!" He growled again.

There was very little response so he tried again. This time all he got was a muttered curse in japanese and the man forcefully shoving him off. Grimmjow's mind was a mess. He'd woken up abruptly by dreams of his past. This was something big, important and he needed to talk to the other. He fumed and then tried a more direct approach. His body coiled back as he readied himself to surprise Ichigo awake. As he leaped, the most unexpected thing happened. The smaller man's hand shot out and latched onto his wrist. Instead of what he'd planned, the pair fell on the floor in a tangle of sheets with Ichigo on top.

"Fuck Grimm. My body is sore from last night. You got something against sleeping in?" Ichigo grimmaced while staring down. "I'm a little out of practice here, but I was sure sleeping in the morning after great sex was mandatory." He blushed and yawned.

"Ichigo, wir m ssen-" He stopped whatever he was going to say when he caught up with what Ichigo had stated. A smirk crossed his face as he ego was stroked. "wirklich?"  
(Ichigo we need to-)(really?)

Ichigo nodded, but this time his annoyance was forgotten. His eyes showed mischeif and Grimmjow found himself curious. The ginger stretched and shifted slightly making their hips come into contact through the sheet. Grimmjow then became very aware that he had a deliciously naked Ichigo sitting ontop of him, mimicking their positions from the previous night's activities. Hands came up to rest on barely covered thighs. All he could think about was the other's sex appeal. It was very obvious too as he became hard. Ichigo tilted his head and smirked playfully as he ground down on the hidden arousal. Grimmjow moaned beautifully and his fingers dug into the other's thighs. Ichigo knew that he needed to address the issue between them, but for just once he wanted to be selfish and enjoy it. He smiled as he watched Grimmjow's eyes close in pleasure. The expressions of bliss from last night and now were permanantly etched in his mind. He moved up and away from Grimmjow to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Scherzbold..." he muttered as he rolled up onto his fore arms.  
(tease)

"Come on Grimm. I'm sure you can go another round."

He rose to the challenge and stood up. He caught Ichigo admiring his body. The other man's eyes seemed drawn to the area around his navel. It was off putting but he knew why. He even felt a bit strange with his memories back and knowing there was no void there. A calloused finger slowly touched his stomach and started tracing a circle around his belly button. The tickling caused his muscles to twitch. He exhaled in surprise as Ichigo traced the same path with his tongue.

"Mehr..." Grimmjow whispered while watching the ginger transfixed on the little pink tongue darting out.  
(more)

He'd never realized just how attracted to Ichigo that he was. The reaper had never given off such allure before and now he couldn't stop himself from noticing. The dip in his collar bones, the way his fingers curled, the arch in his back, the battle tinged gaze- it all added to his desire. He shoved Ichigo back on the bed and followed attacking his body with fervent bites and kisses. He didn't want to share this person with anybody. In fact, the idea that Ichigo had been with others before him, as ridiculous as it sounded, made him incredibly jealous. Someone else had seen this face contorted in pleasure and had felt that heat. The darker side wanted to maim those people.

"Grimm..." he gasped out."You don't have to say anything." arms tightened around the other's neck. "Just let it happen. Don't think about the consequences right now."

Grimmjow bit down on the other man's collar bone eliciting a moan. "Warum?" he growled.  
(why)

Ichigo reached down and palmed his hardness. "Whatever you choose is fine. Just-" he moaned again rubbing his own arousal against Grimmjow's thigh. "Just this once I want to be selfish."

Grimmjow wanted nothing more than to have a repeat of the previous night's performance. His brain was fogged with lust and the rational part was gone from the teasing on his length. He wanted to be selfish too. He growled as he kissed Ichigo again. His agressive nature was coming though and he wordlessly demanded control. Ichigo's head tilted relenting as Grimmjow blazed a trail down his body with tongue and teeth. The ginger arched under the onslaught bending his legs to push away from the bed. The larger man's weight didn't let him get very far though. When fingers closed over his length, Ichigo groaned deeply bits of Japanese cursing slipping between gritted teeth. It sounded hot to Grimmjow. He'd recognized the angry words from their past battles. To hear them in this manner though, made his blood boil with utmost desire. He sucked at the pronounced hipbones marring the skin with dark red marks. It drove the reaper mad as he tried to thrash under Grimmjow's powerful hand pressing down against his abdomen.

"Grimm, stop." Ichigo breathed out and gripped his wrist successfully stilling any motion.

He moved back letting Ichigo sit up. Honey colored eyes were roaming his body as if evaluating him. The next he knew, he'd been wrestled to the bed with the smaller man hovering over him. Long fingers splayed out over his chest and started moving downwards. He attempted to watch, but his eyes rolled back as a hot mouth engulfed his member. He was drowing in the sensation not paying any mind to what the other man was doing. Slowly those same hands slid to his thighs and began to squeeze massagingly. He could feel his body relaxing into it. Because his eyes had been closed he never had noticed when Ichigo's body had moved, but when the suction was replaced by a tightened fist he didn't know whether to be disappointed or grunt in pleasure. His eyes slit open to watch the tugging at his erection. Ichigo had shifted his weight and was balancing his body on Grimmjow's thighs. The stroking stopped for a moment, and he got to enjoy a replay of Ichigo preparing himself. This time he wanted to watch. He wanted to see the lewd manner that the reaper worked his own body. Lube-slicked fingers depicted an enticing image of what his own length would be doing shortly. Grimmjow's eyes darted up to the other's face. Teeth worried a plumped lip and his eyes were closed in concentration. Seeing this in daylight allowed him the privelage of the details he'd missed the night before. His mind had already been made up then, but it reinforced some of the why now. He shuddered refusing to close his eyes.

"Genug." He stated firmly.

(enough)

Ichigo's eyes opened and met his. His lips parted and unconciously he licked his sore one. He removed his fingers and instant groped at Grimmjow's straining erection. He got a pleasured hiss in response. His idle hand blindly felt for the discarded gel. Upon successful retrieval, he wasted no time in coating the other's member. Grimmjow hissed his approval and was more than eager to help Ichigo mount him. Once fully seated though, Ichigo shoved his hands away and pinned them down. Blue eyes widened as the ginger took charge and dominated the situation. He couldn't control the sounds of pleasure that escaped him. It was almost as rough and powerful as when they'd fought and that made it such a turn on. He flexed his arms trying to get some leverage to participate, but the smaller man was surprisingly strong and held him still. He watched transfixed at the erotic display. His body was responding wonderfully to the stimulus and he could feel climax fast aproaching. It seemed that way for the other as well. His pace became unrelenting and Grimmjow found one of his arms freed in favor of Ichigo palming his own erection. He shot off, groaning loudly while the reaper continued to rut against him milking his penis. A moment later he crested with a low moan. Ichigo tried to take in everything to memory knowing very well it could be the last time they ever saw each other. Eventually he slumped forward breathing heavily.

"Grimm, I'm not sure what you remember right now. I want you to do what you think will be best for you." Ichigo breathed next to his neck. "Like I said before, you don't have to tell me. I'm just glad you have another chance."

Grimmjow lay quietly unable to think of how to respond to that. He wanted to speak back in the same way now that he remembered everything. German still felt the most comfortable even with his universal knowledge as an arrancar. Ichigo was unaware that he now recalled everything from when he was a hollow. Every fight and word were as clear as the day they'd happened. Yet still he wanted the man for himself.

* * *

Killian hadn't been surprised when Grimmjow had disappeared the previous night. He sighed as he heard the door open signalling the other's return. "Hast du ihn gefunden?" he murmured with a sad smile.  
(you find him?)

Grimmjow paused and looked at the young man with a small feeling of remorse. "Ja. Ich war mit ihm"  
(yea, I was with him)

Killian nodded once already assuming what that had meant. "Was werden Sie tun?"  
(what will you do?)

Grimmjow shrugged. He knew what he wanted, but realistically he was unsure what would happen. He had been nervous to contact the hat man. Obviously the man knew what had gone down seeing as he was Ichigo's old mentor. He unnerved Grimmjow in several ways though. His power, his unpredictable personality, and his vast knowledge all added to the sum of unsettled feelings. His time was nearly up and he didn't even know what would be done when Ichigo left. It's not like the other could just stop his life to stay in Germany. Killian's sigh broke his thoughts.

"Ich wei , dass Sie nicht das Gef hl, das gleiche zu mir, aber..." he ran his hands anxiously through his hair. "Sie sind herzlich, hier zu bleiben."  
(I know you don't feel the same towards me but... You are welcome to stay here.)

Grimmjow actually felt guilty. He hadn't always been the callous person he'd become as a hollow. He'd been quick to anger and sometimes very crass, but never particularly mean. But for some reason he couldn't quite make himself open up to this boy from his past. He couldn't be warm or inviting to him. In fact the idea bothered him so he kept him at a distance. His memories had let him see that Killian had been a part of his life, even if not a large part. He'd apparently affected the other in ways he didn't really know. Now he'd come back and complicated his shit up even more. And selfishly all he could think about was Ichigo. The reaper had filled his mind even when he had no memories or thoughts to think. He blinked and eyed the smaller man. Killian's sandy blonde hair reminded him even more of Di Roy. An amused snort came out and he shook his head.

"Ich werde aus dem Weg bald." He stated while turning to walk into the room he was currently occupying.  
(I'll be out of your way soon)

Killian sighed again and finished getting ready for work. He hated that he was still so hung up on the man. The crush he'd harbored as a teen had never fully gone away, even when Grimmjow had died. He'd tried to be the best friend to Ehren knowing that he was suffering more. In that time he'd realized that Grimmjow had not only saved him from bullies, but protected Ehren from his demons. Though they'd been neighbors, he'd never known until Grimmjow's sudden disappearance what went on in Ehren's house. His parents fought constantly being at odds religiously. His mother had been devoutly conservative and had more than enough times condemned Ehren for being gay, for what he wore, for befriending someone so sinful, and the list went on. Ehren's father had actually liked Grimmjow. He was a man's man in all senses of the word and enjoyed working with his hands. The only thing was, that he had been in the dark about everything. Ehren had never let on about the abuse, or his feelings toward Grimmjow. Killian had kept his secrets but didn't like it. A month before his suicide, Ehren started changing. Killian had remembered seeing another boy on the football team teasing him. He'd stood passively until the boy got in his face. That had been a big mistake. Ehren by far had not been physically strong, but he'd been quick. He kneed the other player in the crotch. when the boy had gone down, he'd kicked his legs open and pressed the heel of his kleat against the already sore parts. That hadn't so much scared Killian as the look of complete and total disinterest as he did so. It was like the kindness had been completely dissipated with Grimmjow's passing. The memories were painful and suddenly Killian had the urge to talk to Ichigo. He didn't know why, but he decided to try to find the other after work.

As soon as Killian had left Grimmjow slipped the bizaare card out. He thumbed the edges not entirely sure what to do with it. It seemed to crackle with energy at his touch. Pantera stirred to life in his mind disturbed by the move in pressure. The low rumbling voice vibrated through him as tried to explain the card. It sparked and shined a bright blue before going dark again. Suddenly his phone rang startling him out of his mental conversation with Pantera. No number appeared, but for whatever reason he answered anyway.

"Ja? Wer sind Sie?" He growled through the phone the gruffness completely counteracting the polite words.  
(Yea, who is this?)

"Oh Grimmjow-san, I was wondering when you were going to contact me." The jovial voice came through the other end. "You do know that you're cutting it really close on time if you're trying to beat him leaving." He stated matter-of-factly.

Pantera seemed to take over him and suddenly he felt his tongue rolling over foreign words. "I'm not planning to before he leaves. I want to be the only fucking thing he thinks about. What do I need to do?"

Urahara was amused at the conviction. "Glad to see you aren't faking about understanding me anymore. I am actually trying to research about your situation. You'll need to be here for me to properly figure it out. Though if you're going to just up and disappear, I'll need to perform a very large memory wipe. I wonder if you're worth the trouble." He hummed thoughtfully.

"Don't toy with me bastard. Things are already complicated enough." He shouted through the phone.

"Does Ichigo know you have all your memories back?" his voice turned deathly serious.

"No. I tried to talk to him, but he refused." Grimmjow sighed tiredly his temper abated.

"Interesting. That may work in our favor though. Keep the facade up. I have a plan. Ichigo will mope quietly when he gets home. I can guarantee that if post war time was any indicator. I need some time to figure out the circumstances of your return so that we can be sure that nothing goes wrong. "

Grimmjow understood that, besides he wanted to show up when the reaper least expected it. He grinned to himself thinking of the look of surprise. Even if this time they weren't fighting, he couldn't wait to see that. "How soon can I get out of here?" He asked not particularly interested in staying away from the reaper for too long.

"Depends. Do you remember what you had planned on doing before your death by any chance?" Urahara asked still serious.

"Fuck, I don't know. I was still a kid. Probably something with drums or clubs since I grew into it from my dad." he shrugged a bit annoyed.

"Okay... that's workable." Urahara hummed thoughtfully. "I think I can figure something believeable there. I'll retrieve you the day after Ichigo leaves. He'll get suspicious otherwise. Make sure you tie up any loose ends before that."

With that being said the other man hung up leaving Grimmjow puzzled. He stretched his jaw feeling weird and strangely comfortable with speaking another language. Pantera's knowledge settled into him and he felt a little bit more in synch with his spirit. He ruminated on his pending leave wondering if he should try to seek out the mother he knew to still be alive. Pantera had given him even more acute awareness of other spiritual energy. His mother's smelled softly of baked bread. In life he'd associated that aroma with her. Even now, he could faintly feel her presence.

_I wouldn't do it brat._

Pantera's voice rumbled through his body. He prickled at being called a brat by the spirit. A few muttered curses were sent back mentally. A vibrating laugh was all he got in response to the german expletives. Pantera despite his amusement did seem completely serious though. Grimmjow wondered why. He had been so caught up in Ichigo and trying to regain his memories that he'd never once thought to find his mother.

_It will torture her to see you. You died a long time ago. Think how it would feel to suddenly see someone you burried alive and well. Let it be. Their memories are going to be wiped, but hard to say what would happen with a mother seeing her dead son again._

Grimmjow sighed knowing that Pantera had a point. He did not wish to cause his mother more grief. She seemed to have been the only woman in his life he loved. And while he was dying to see her now that he had his memories back, he knew it would do way more harm than good. His only other loose end was Killian. He was going to get memory wiped for sure since he'd had the most interaction with Grimmjow and he knew the man's past. He had no real idea how the cunning man was going to go about this whole worried and excited him all the same.

Killian purposely took the long way home from work hoping to catch Ichigo. He'd about given up when he saw the other sitting in the cafe alone. He gathered his courage up and walked inside and straight to the table where Ichigo was. The ginger-haired man didn't even look up, but simply motioned his hand toward the empty chair. Killian watched silently as Ichigo sipped a tea and finished writing a report. The dark frames suited his face and again he was reminded of just how attractive the man was and how he easily would have been drawn to him had he been in Grimmjow's place. Eventually Ichigo set his mug down and looked up catching Killian in his gaze.

"I know you want to know what happened, but really that isn't my place to say. I'm not fond of kissing and telling."

The statement made him wince. Even if he was indeed curious, that had not been what he craved to talk about. "Actually, that's not why I'm bothering you." he paused to order a coffee before continuing. "I want to tell you a story about Grimmjow. Is that alright?"

Ichigo nodded to show his consent. "Say whatever you'd like."

"I met Grimmjow when I was about 8. His best friend and I guess later boyfriend was my next door neighbor." He waited for the waitress to leave his drink before continuing. "Coincidentally you were shadowing his old doctor. He was in therapy for his mood swings and temper."

"Yea. The good doc mentioned that." Ichigo replied.

"He's a always had a distinct sense of self though despite all that. Ehren was one of his only friends and he was very protective over that friendship. I guess I looked up to his strength and bravery." He tilted his head down. "When he became a teenager though, that admiration turned to a crush. I nearly fell to pieces when I saw how tenderly he acted with Ehren. I felt guilty for being jealous."

"How exactly did you come about this idol complex with him?" Ichigo frowned.

"I had always known that I liked boys. I got bullied a lot for it. Right after I'd made the football team and got to play with him and Ehren, some of the other players tried to beat me up. Grimmjow wouldn't have any of that and busted them up terribly. Sent one to the hospital. I was always being protected by Ehren because we were neighbors and friends, but I'd never expected Grimmjow to step in."

"I see." Ichigo chuckled to himself causing Killian to flush in embarassment. "Hah, never was a peaceful kind of guy was he?"

"It was bad. That was two years after his father had been killed. His moods got even worse and he got more violent. I'm sure he never got kicked off the team just because he was the star player." Killian shivered. "His face when he fought was frightening. I have never seen anyone so focused."

Ichigo smiled knowing exactly which expression Killian spoke of. It was one that he loved. The unyielding fire in his eyes. Then again, the same could be said about himself. Grimmjow had more than once commented on his eyes when they fought. His 'hatred' for them had made many a curse get yelled Ichigo's way. He felt the slighter man's gaze on him for a moment.

"I guess that's what it is. You're not afraid of him.I guess that's what he needs." Killian finally said glumly.

Ichigo sighed. "Okay, I want you to listen to me. I don't think you've ever actually been in love with Grimmjow. I think you were in love with the idea of him." He held his hand up before Killian could respond. "I don't think you ever gave yourself the chance to find anyone else. You confused your adoration for love, but I want you to think about why you think you feel for him. And if afterwards you still can say it's the same, then by all means pursue him like your life depends on it." Ichigo chuckled again. "You have nothing to worry about concerning me. I want Grimmjow to have a better chance at a violence-free life. It'd be easier for him away from me."

"Why do you say that?"Killian asked warily.

"I'm a violent person." Ichigo responded with a small smirk. "And redemption is easier without temptation."

* * *

Ichigo sighed heavily as he packed up his belongings. The small flat had become very much like home in the short months that he'd been there. He was very much looking forward to being home though. He missed the comforts of home, his sisters, his friends, japanese food, and speaking his native tongue. Despite all this, he felt that he'd had a rewarding time as an intern and doing so in a foreign country. He'd learned a fair amount and gotten to experience a completely new culture. He blushed as his eyes fell on his 'nice vibe' shirt. It brought back pleasant memories of bodies rubbing together, tongues tangling, and hushed moans. Nice vibe indeed, he thought as the memories of sex with Grimmjow passed through him. It had been awkward, wild, tender, primal, and all sorts of conflicting words came to mind on how much he enjoyed the experience. Even if it was just for that one time, he didn't regret. If the internship hadn't been enough, Grimmjow had definitely made the trip worth its while.

He turned in surprise when he heard a knock on the door. Dusting his hands off on his sweat pants he moved to answer it. "Grimmjow?" He moved aside letting the other man in.

"Wenn Sie verlassen?" He questioned quite suddenly keeping the ruse up as Urahara had told him.  
(When are you leaving?)

"Um...Next week. I fly out two days before Christmas." Ichigo sighed and watched Grimmjow pace.

"Kurosaki..." he growled impatiently wanting so bad to lash out and let Ichigo know.

"Look, I told you that I don't need an explanation. You got a second chance at life. I want you to take that and make your own choices. I'd be happy for that, even if it meant..."

"Ich weigere mich, dich zu vergessen." he snapped angrily.  
(I refuse to forget you)

Ichigo looked down a deep blush staining his cheeks. "I wonder..." He shook his head and turned around. "I'd never forget about you either you know."

Grimmjow yanked Ichigo back by the elbow so that they stood in a spoon position. His nose grazed the top of Ichigo's head. The other stood still while he whispered forcefully against orange locks. "Du bist dumm. Ich werde nicht ..."  
(You're dumb. I won't...)

They stood quietly together Grimmjow's arms wrapped around his chest tightly. It was possesive and desperate and Ichigo wondered if this was Grimmjow's way of saying goodbye. He closed his eyes and leaned back so that he head touched the other man's shoulder. In a way, he was grateful. He never did like painful goodbyes. He could feel Grimmjow lips hovering over his own. His left arm came up to nudge his head the rest of the way down. It was a languid meeting of tongues. None of the usual fire was there. He wondered if he could really go back to japan and not be deeply affected by his recent discoveries of his own feelings. He sighed softly as they parted. Grimmjow moved back dropping his hold on Ichigo. He wanted nothing more than to screw the rules and keep the reaper all for his own. He knew though that certain things would have to happen first. The promise of it was enough to keep him in check no matter how impatient.

He sat with Ichigo watching as he packed up his items. The man was meticulous about how everything was arranged. Very few things were left out and Grimmjow thought the place looked pretty bleak without the personal touch. Eventually Ichigo excused himself to the bathroom. Grimmjow stood up and stretched and then walked around the apartment making his way to the bedroom. He grinned as he stared at the small bureau. Wrist bands were scattered across the top. The man loved the small accessories. He eyed all of them before snagging a striped one with a '15' on it and shoving it in his pocket. He wondered if the ginger would notice it missing. His nosing was interrupted by Ichigo calling to him and asking his help for mailing out his non-essentials back to japan.

After the task was done they walked to the cafe and to a table in the far corner. The simply sat in the quiet basking in the warmth of the small shoppe. Ichigo watched Grimmjow as his gaze was fixed at the light snowfall outside. He pressed down the feeling that welled up within him at the hand he'd been dealt. Once again the happiness he'd had was set aside for the benefit of another. He closed his eyes his lips set in firm line. It just didn't seem fair how his life revolved around that. No matter how much he did and gave, in the end he didn't really have a happiness of his own. Though he did have fond memories of his time in Germany. He supposed that would have to suffice. He knew it was going to be hard remembering how passionate Grimmjow was in bed, how thoughtful he could be, how his eyes lit up even when he wasn't fighting. He blushed and turned toward the wall trying not to think of such arousing things.

Eventually Grimmjow walked with Ichigo back to the apartment, but this time did not go in. He pressed the smaller man close to his body and kissed him for all he was worth. Hands grabbed the lapels on his jacket tightly crushing them as close as they possibly could be. He could feel the rapid heartbeat coming from the reaper through his coat. His chest tightened at that. It was going to be a while before he got to do that again. He wanted to make sure that Ichigo would not thinkof anything else. They parted and Grimmjow flicked his hand up in a casual goodbye. The other nodded and murmured in response.

Dr. Verstandt had taken him to the airport the following week. Many of the students and interns he'd worked with were there to see him off. Even his young patient and mother had shown up. Lars had come to him rubbing his eyes and trying to hide he'd been crying. He'd knelt down and given the kid a hug and told him to be strong. He was hopeful that the boy would get better. He sighed somewhat happily and took his Aqua Timez wrist cuff off and gave it to Lars. Eventually he finished his goodbyes and stood scanning the crowd hoping that just maybe he would catch sight of Grimmjow. A sliver of disappointment shot through him despite the knowledge that the other probably wouldn't show.

"Wo ist dein Freund?" Lars asked while clutching Ichigo's hand.  
(where's your boyfriend?)

Ichigo sighed sadly and lied perfectly. "He's not good with goodbye."

"Aber willst du nicht sehen, ihn wieder?" he looked up innocently at the melancholy smile.  
(But will you not see him again?)

"Probably not. We can't stay together." Ichigo looked down and offered a serene expression. "But I'm happy he's alive, and it was great while it lasted."

His flight made a call for boarding and he decided it was time. He knew there was no point in waiting to see if Grimmjow would show. They'd already had their parting and it had been a beautiful one. Even if Ichigo was able to eventually settle down, that was a kiss that would last him lifetimes over. He sighed and grabbed his bags and made a final wave to everyone and gave a firm handshake to his mentor. He never saw the the blue eyes watching him from the terminal coffee stand. As his well-wishers left Lars caught sight of Grimmjow. He shook his hand free and walked up to the man watching the plane taxi away from the terminal.

"Warum hast du ihm gesagt, auf Wiedersehen?" Grimmjow looked down at the boy.  
(Why didn't you tell him bye?)

"Das habe ich schon. Es war unvergesslich." He smirked and stood as the plane left view.  
(I have already. It was unforgettable.)

Grimmjow left the airport and made his way back to Killian's apartment. He had no idea what kind of memory altering the sly man was going to do, so he wrote a letter to the boy that had harbored feelings for him and put up with his temper. He made it sound as if it was his teenage self writing it though. He thanked Killian in a gruff way for staying friends with Ehren. Told him to get more confidence and find someone that suited him. Also thanked him for not judging. It was short and direct, and sounded almost like a suicide note. He shoved it into the photo album and then grabbed his meager belongings then left. Killian would find the note way after he left. He knew it.

_What on Earth are you doing brat?_

Pantera's voice grumbled angrily already having taken notice of Grimmjow's thoughts.

_I told you not to go see her. It's only going to cause her pain._

"Ich will nur sehen, ob sie gl cklich ist. Sie wird mich nicht sehen." He replied sullenly while walking to the train station.  
(I just want to see if she's happy. She won't see me.)

_You're going to have to drop the German kit._ Pantera finally said after a few minutes.

"Ja, ich weiss..." he murmured. "Es f hlt sich merkw rdig komfortabel."  
(I know, it feels strangely comfortable)

After about a half hour he was out of the metropolitan area and someplace more suburban. As he stepped off the train, the scent of his mother's energy was stronger. He let himself follow it. He kept walking until he came upon a corner house where the presence seemed to be the strongest. He stood across the street just feeling out the energy. It was happy and calm. Another scent was present too. It was like his mother's only spicier and more masculine. He closed his eyes visualizing the different energies moving about the small dwelling. They snapped open as he realized one was exiting. A small dog wiggled its way out and bolted across the street straight for him barking merrily. Quickly a young man followed calling after the small beast. He stopped short when he noticed his pet pawing at an unfamiliar person.

"Entschuldigung. Er ist noch ein Welpe und hat nicht gelernt, nicht zu laufen aus der T r." the youth apologized while crouching down.  
(Sorry. He's still a puppy and hasn't learned not to run out the door.)

Grimmjow shrugged and studied the younger man. His hair is the exact same shade of blue-black that his mother had. His frame was slight and almost mimicking every one of her traits. The only differences were his shock-green eyes and tan skin. Grimmjow knew in an instant that he was staring at his half brother. The kid had inherited awareness from his mother. He grinned and felt warm. He cleared his throat to catch the other's attention again, but was interrupted by the his mother's voice.

"Dominik bekommen den Hund und kommen in das Haus. Wir sind dabei, zu Anjas Kuchen geschnitten."  
(Dominik get the dog and come in the house. We're about to cut Anja's cake)

"Dominik ist ein interessanter Name." Grimmjow mused softly.

"Dom Varrick Schoen. Sie sagte, es war etwas Besonderes." He looked up fixing his eyes on blue ones. "Ich mag es."  
(She said it was special. I like it.)

"Deine Mutter benannt Ihnen alles Gute." Grimmjow praised genuinely hearing is own father's name. (Your mother named you well.)

"Ich sollte gehen. Meine Tochter wird w tend, wenn sie f r Kuchen warten muss sein. Mom ist die beste." He grinned and scooped the small dog up.  
(I should go. My daughter will be upset if she has to wait for cake. Mom's is the best.)

"Warten Sie bitte." quickly he fumbled for an evelope in his coat pocket. "Gib das ." Grimmjow felt awkward using his mother's first name. "Ich verdanke ihr viel mehr, als ich jemals hoffen, zur ckzuzahlen."  
(Wait please. Give this to Mrs. Lisolette. I owe her more than I can ever hope to repay.)

Dominik took the envelope curiously with his free hand. "Was ist das? Wer sind Sie?" He questioned with a frown.  
(What is this? Who are you?)

"Gehen Sie sorgsam mit ihr. Sie verdient ein gl ckliches Leben nach all ihre Schmerzen." Grimmjow ignored the question and flared his spirit unknowingly while walking away. (Take good care of her. She deserves a happy life after all her pains.)

For a brief moment he could feel the confusion behind him. He turned a corner quickly hearing her voice again and not wanting to be seen. He could feel the two lingering in the doorway probably speaking about his gift. All the savings he'd worked up from the job at the music shop had been pulled. Part he left for Killian, some he kept for himself, and the majority went to his mother. He smiled secretly as he felt her surprise. It hadn't been much, but he felt best giving it to her. He walked back the way he'd come hoping that neither had decided to seek him out. The first inn he'd come across he stopped at to stay for the the night. He only intended to be back in the city tomorrow evening to leave once again.

His anticipation was rising though. Even if he knew it'd be months before he'd get to see Ichigo again he was still anxious and ready. His stomach churned in excitement. Pantera had been oddly quiet after the train ride leaving him dwelling on scenarios that could happen with the reaper. He instantly kicked out any that revolved around Ichigo rejecting him. He knew that despite what negativity might brew from his surprise return, Ichigo wanted him. His body had cried out for his physically while their spirits entertwined. Never before had he ever imagined that sex could be such a transcendental thing. To be allowed that, he was aware that the hollow lurking inside the other was not so quick to forgive. Yet somehow even with their walls completely lowered it had not interfered. For the moment when he'd crested, he had almost felt their energies combined. He didn't know if Ichigo had experienced it that way, but if not, upon their reintroduction he was going to make sure it happened.

_Tomorrow night. Are you ready?_

The text from a hidden number popped up. He sighed and responded affirmatively. His knee bounced furiously. That text hadn't helped his anxiousness. As he flopped back on the bed he wondered what kind of things Ichigo's mysterious tutor was going to do. He'd said he needed to research the situation. He didn't particularly want to trust the man, but it was his only way to get what he wanted. The thought that circled his mind was what kind of repayment the other wanted. It was unsettling to think it, but he couldn't help it. He didn't like owing anyone, even as a teen.

_Get some rest brat. You're going to need it._

Pantera finally spoke sensing the tension in his host. Grimmjow sighed at the deep rumbling within him. It soothed and frustrated him. He wished he hadn't taken so long to figure himself out. The one thing that kept him confident that what he was doing was the clarity of everything he felt around Ichigo. Intense ire, pride, satisfaction, lust, and contentment. Every feeling was multiplied and only the reaper caused that. He yawned and stretched waiting for sleep to take him. His eyes caught sight of the wrist band he'd stolen from Ichigo and he smirked and brought it close to his face.

"morgen Abend..." he whispered before touching it to his lips.

* * *

a/n: 

-First and foremost was how it's possible to be the dominating love even when being the receiver. I wanted to give a look into Ichigo's personality and how he's always given up what he wanted to help and protect others. Just once I wanted him to crave and want and get something of his own. As far as Grimm's memories go, he does know that some of them are back, he just doesn't know the extent of it.

-Next is Grimmjow's family, past life and friends, and Pantera. I'm going on the basis that Pantera, like Zan, is a part of Grimmjow's soul. I'll actually get more in depth on that next chapter with him interacting with Urahara. Previously I mentioned Varrick (Grimm's father)as far as personality, looks, and his death. Also snips of Grimmjow's memory to parallel to Ichigo. I wanted to make his mother something different originally, but then the idea of him having mixed descent was appealing. Grimm's mother I decided to make Scandinavian. Think beautiful dark hair with crystal-blue eyes. Her name Lisolette means small and strong. Obviously some time after Grimm died she moved to the suburbs and got remarried and had a son. Dominik means king, while Varrick means gentle and gracious leader. The last name Schoen means good and kind and is a common surname. Dom would obviously be way younger than Grimm. I know the family isn't a big deal, but I wanted something tender for Grimm.

\- Third is Grimm speaking german despite his full memory returning. It's merely a comfort thing. He spoke it before his death, and upon awakening it was all he could remember at first. It feels natural in his mouth and around his tongue. He had a brief understanding of other languages after his hollow memories returned, but he still just prefers how german sounds and feels.

Big thanks to all who have been reading my stuff. I know that my GrimmIchi stuff may not be profound or as fun to read as some other great authors, but I've been enjoying writing it. I appreciate any feedback I have gotten. Also I apologize for any errors in my fics. I try to catch typos, but also my German is rusty so hopefully I haven't said anything offensive. I've been trying to check translations against my books. Peace out all. Many apologies. This is not beta'd and I'm tired as fuck right now. I'll fix errors later. Let me know if you find glaringly wrong ones.


	7. Einheit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yea, I suppose I came to terms with a few things." Ichigo smiled again while looking out over the campus. "Ishida, do you believe in soul mates?"

Verloren

Kapitel VII- Einheit

* * *

 

Grimmjow had quickly gotten tired of all the prodding and poking the former shinigami had done. Urahara was a genius and curious man by nature and that made him all the more scary. At one point he'd tried to rip Grimmjow's soul from his body, but had only succeeded in materializing Pantera. That had resulted in having an oversized panther and an angry Grimmjow trashing around his place until he'd figured out how to shove the spirit back into Grimmjow's body. He'd been confused and not exactly sure how to proceed with the situation. Grimmjow's soul had adhered to the physical body and seemed adamant in staying there. He scratched his head as he went over notes. Grimmjow had not been the most gracious of house guests either. Of course one could not be patient with the constant prodding of things he didn't understand, but that was neither here nor there. Urahara was stumped.

"According to my research Grimmjow's physical body already died, so I shouldn't have a problem extracting his soul, so why is it stuck there?" He stroked his chin stubble in minor frustration and began to pace.

"Look old man, I don't really like all this mojo you're trying on me." Grimmjow grouched from the floor. "Maybe it isn't some big science thing. Seltsam Ruck." He muttered under his breath.

The blonde ignored the barb even though he'd heard it. He'd come quite accustomed to his project slipping back into german to curse at him. He didn't particularly care to know what the other said either. Wasn't like he didn't know anyway. He sighed heavily and thumbed through his papers again. There had to be something that he was missing. Then he realized something. He hadn't even bothered to look at the prior data he had about Grimmjow. His stack of reports fell to the ground as he dashed back into his lab.

"Hah! I don't know why I didn't even think of this?" came from the back room. " Looks like I need to go do some digging into your previous life." Urahara stated while coming back with another stack of papers.

"What the fuck is it old man?" Grimmjow quipped with a bored expression.

"I'll explain it when I test my theory. Give me a few moments." the blonde grinned and left the room again.

About twenty minutes later Urahara returned to the room with yet another pile of papers. Airily he flopped onto the floor and began shuffling through the ones that were already in a mess until he found what he was searching for. He hummed thoughtfully and reached for another. Grimmjow yawned and uttered more curses in German. He was bored of this whole thing and just wanted to know when he'd get to see Ichigo again. After he sighed for the hundredth time it seemed Urahara was exclaiming excitedly again. Suddenly the crazy blonde was in his face with three different papers. He didn't know what the fuck he was looking at.

"Okay, I don't understand all that scribble scrabble." He deadpanned while looking up over the top of the papers.

"This explains everything. You're you, but you're not you!" came the response.

"What?"

"Okay, your genetic and spiritual makeup is all wrong. Something happened between your last fight with my darling protege and now making you some sort of weird hollow-human hybrid." he pulled the paper back and pointed to the weird graph."These are your spiritual patterns. The one with the least deviations is from your first human life. The most chaotic one is your hollow life, and the last with the two separate lines is your current life. It's almost like you absorbed and merged with a human giving you a coporeal form. I just don't know though."

"What about my memories? Hollows don't remember shit."

"Oh but they do. That's part of why I think arrancar exist. No one really knows what they remember though." He set the papers down. "What I need to do now is figure out how to separate you from the person or soul you merged into. Eventually your strength will completely return and then destroy that body. I need to get you into a gigai if you want to see Ichigo again."

"I assume that's going to take a while." Grimmjow glowered.

"Yes, but we have a few months to get it right." The blonde grinned again. "You're going to be the big reveal for his graduation in the spring."

* * *

Ichigo had been happy to be home, but his heart still ached. He'd made good memories in Germany, ones that he couldn't share with anyone. It was tough to have gotten what he wanted once, but never to have it again. It had put a gloom on his mood and his sisters had definitely noticed during the holidays. He'd smiled and had been warm with everyone, but his heart just wasn't in it. Yuzu had kept up his apartment well while he'd been gone, and it still felt like home, but now even more so, he felt parts of himself missing. Everyone was glad he was back, even Uryu. They'd all invited him out wanting to hear about his trip. He'd spoke about his internship and how he'd liked his mentor. Very briefly he mentioned his young charge, but didn't go into details. He talked about the different events he attended and the foods he tried. Everytime though, he left out the parts about Grimmjow. After a while, he got tired of repeating the same stories to his family and friends. In a way it depressed him since he couldn't share what had really made him happy while there.

It wasn't until Uryu cornered him during one of their post class outings that Ichigo finally spilled his secret. Luckily for him Uryu had also gone to the same school for medicine, but in the surgical field. Sometimes he would occasionally meet up with his former rival for coffee after practicals. Uryu had always been really good at reading people, so it didn't really surprise him when the quincy caught him out of earshot of anyone and frowned him into admitting he'd been hiding something.

"Alright Kurosaki. Spill." The dark-haired man gave off a cold look as he demanded an answer.

"Na- Ishida, I need you to keep it secret if I tell you." Ichigo sighed and leaned on the breezeway railing.

"Oh, something that could get you in trouble with soul society I assume." He smirked. "Like I'd tell. I know we're on peaceful terms with them, but I still don't trust them."

"Okay." He swallowed but then found himself smiling. "I was actually wanting to tell somebody, just afraid to I guess. I met Grimmjow there."

"What?" Uryu adjusted his glasses unsure how to process this information. "I thought he perished in Hueco Mundo."

"I mean, I met him as a human or something." Ichigo tilted his head looking the other in the eye. "Something happened, I don't know what, but I was there and then suddenly he came running at me with no idea who I was, just that he had some semblance of knowledge of me."

"How?"

"I'm not sure. I asked hat n' clogs, but even he seemed stumped by it. He verified that it was him though." Ichigo shrugged. "Grimmjow actually was a human that lived in Liepzig before he was killed. He was the strong soul in the hollow."

"You must have made a huge impression on him if he remembered you." Uryu shifted so his back was against the rail. "I wonder how it happened. What was he like?"

"Confused at first. Sad. But then I got to see him regain memories both his human ones and hollow ones. His personality isn't that much different. He's still brash and confident, but there's this certain touch of softness. He actually had people he cared about so much that he killed for them." Ichigo closed his eyes remembering what he'd been told. "Grimmjow was a former patient of my mentor when he was a child. Violent tendancies he said and I'd assume 'hallucinations' that he didn't understand. Then worse when he saw his father murdered."

"So he was a troubled child, with strong spiritual pressure, who didn't get a chance to thrive, and he also saw a violent crime committed against a loved one. Sounds like the perfect recipe for becoming a hollow once he died."

"Friend of his from his previous life said he disappeared when he was a teenager. So that's where his death falls into all of this."

"I'm guessing that something happened between you two and he's the reason you're moping about like a scorned woman." Ishida remarked with a small smirk.

"That bad huh?" Ichigo chuckled when his friend nodded. "Yea, I suppose I came to terms with a few things." Ichigo smiled again while looking out over the campus. "Ishida, do you believe in soul mates?"

The other went silent for a moment realizing just what Ichigo had admitted. "Hard to say, but yes I suppose so." He murmured softly.

Ichigo felt better knowing that at least one of his friends knew about seeing Grimmjow again. Surprisingly that admission had made him closer friends with the Quincy. They hadn't particularly been on bad terms. They just had never found a reason to deepen their relationship. But now that Uryu knew something so painfully secret about Ichigo, he felt it was necessary to at least try. Quickly their friends had caught on to them not arguing as much and had attributed it to common grounds of med-school. It allowed his secret to be safe for the time.

Bit by bit Uryu was learning things about the hollow and it made him realize a few things about the allies they'd accquired during the war. It made him start to question things. He wanted to ask urahara a few times, but his pride kept him in check. For now, he was content to hear Ichigo's stories and theories. After all, they did make a little bit of sense. He was starting to wonder though if Grimmjow would make another sudden appearance in Ichigo's life. Things were getting almost too normal now that he was back.

It didn't seem to be the case though. Classes came and went with little difficulty. Every now and then they'd have to deal with a hollow attack, but nothing big seemed to come up. Ichigo had fallen back into his normal routine of jogging, class, part-time job, and then kendo. On occasion Uryu joined him on his morning jog just so they could bounce theories of hollows off each other. I made things seem not so humdrum. A few times he'd gone to see Urahara and to maybe just exercise with Zangetsu, but Tessai had regretfully informed him that the other was working on a project that had the basement in use. Ichigo had actually sighed almost missing the eccentric scientist. He knew though that the man could take months on his new fangled inventions and it was best to just leave it be. He did wonder if he was going to be the brunt of a test run later.

* * *

Making Grimmjow a body was harder to do than first expected, but eventually he'd succeeded. It was the perfect replica physically. He'd made sure that every little detail matched, right down to the scar on his cheek. Now his plot had been to separate Grimmjow from the body he was taking residence in. He focused on the weak signature that wasn't from the arrancar and delicately pulled on it. Grimmjow felt some pain like he was being torn open from the chest. The sensation rushed over him and suddenly he felt a huge ache in his stomach like hunger pains. He looked down and then realized he was a hollow again. Next he noticed a teenager passed out on the floor. He chuckled at the irony. The boy looked similar to how he had. Decently in shape and tall with bleached hair.

"What's going to happen?"

"Well, we're going to send him home. Your soul must have just been completely overwhelming and he must have been close to death in order for that to happen." Urahara commented gazing at the boy. "I'll see if I can get an ID on him after he wakes up. Let's get you into your new body."

Grimmjow turned and looked at the gigai laid out for him. It was weird to see the exact image of himself seemingly so lifeless. He walked toward the body and tried to remember how he'd seen Ichigo disapear. As soon as he touched the arm he instinctively felt himself moving to lay down. Then it went dark for a moment. Several seconds later his eyes shot open. He felt stiff, and there was a dull pain in his left ear. He tried to move and eventually his body responded. He felt sluggish, but somehow completely himself. The first thing Grimmjow did was touch the ear with the burning sensation and took notice of a loop that he previously didn't have.

"I wanted to make sure that no one can sense you. Your gigai will supress a lot of your spiritual pressure, but I wasn't completely sure about it working for an arrancar. The earring is discreet and is made solely to mask minus energy." Urahara shifted to pick the teen up while still addressing Grimmjow. "So how does it feel? I tried to make it based on the data I had about you."

Grimmjow shifted and sat up again looking at the teenager he'd temporarily taken over. He wondered if the kid had parents, or if he was missed. It had been a while since he'd taken over. He was curious as to what would happen. A pained moan came from the boy. Quickly Grimmjow stood up and moved so Urahara could lay him out on the futon. He stumbled a bit his legs stiff in the new body, but was able to stay up. Blue eyes opened and frantically shifted around in confused anguish. Urahara knelt down and placed a hand gently on the boy's forehead to show some neutral action that they were not going to hurt him.

"Talk to him Grimmjow." He stated quickly. "German probably is his mother tongue."

"Sind Sie verletzt?" he asked somewhat gruffly. The boy stared at him in surprise. "verstehst du mich?" He tried again less rough and more familiar sounding.

(Are you hurt? Do you understand me?)

The kid nodded and shifted slightly to look at Urahara. The blonde smiled softly and sat back removing his hand. Several moments lapsed in silence as the teen took in his surroundings. His eyes kept shifting to Grimmjow though. He flushed in embarrassment which caused Urahara to chuckle. The blue-haired man huffed and stamped over to lean on the wall. Finally the kid began to speak.

"Wo sind wir?" He moved to sit up but winced and just lay still. "Wo ist er?" He asked with more panic.

(Where are we? Where is he?)

"Wer?" Grimmjow asked quirking an eyebrow.

"Der Händler. Er wird mich umbringen." The teen turned his head to the side but kept his eyes on Grimmjow. "Haben Sie für ihn zu arbeiten?"

(The dealer. He's going to kill me. Do you work for him?)

Grimmjow laughed heartily. "Ich arbeite für mich." He smirked. "wir nicht einmal in Deutschland zu schließen. Wir sind in Japan." The teen sighed in relief. "Wie heißen Sie?"

(I work for myself. We're not even close to Germany. We're in Japan. What's your name.)

Urahara left the room deeming the kid out of danger if he could talk to Grimmjow. He'd grill the other for answers later. Now he had a few 'legal' things to take care of. His little family was growing. He supposed he could take Grimmjow on as one of his own. He had afterall decided to go along with Ichigo and even give his pupil a shove in the right direction. So now he guessed he had a new 'nephew'. He wandered into his little office and went about forging things for Grimmjow. First was to fix his name. It was too noticeable. Instead he legally became Gunnar Jaeger. He laughed knowing that the volatile man would not find that funny, but he would have no rights to complain. Entertainment was good payment.

An few hours later he came out with all the forgeries completed and everything in order. Grimmjow had already left the other room and the teenager was fast asleep. He was sitting quietly in the front room with a cup of coffee between his hands. Urahara silently joined him and pulled a pipe out from his sleeve.

"His name is Alec Gliessen. He's from Berlin and hasn't been home since way before I took him over." Grimmjow muttered between sips. "He was worried about some drug dealer killing him.I'm pretty sure now though that the guy is in shreads at the bottom of the river I was found in."

"Why do you think that?" Urahara asked around his pipe.

"I remember devouring someone." Grimmjow stated bluntly.

"Hmmm. I'll look into it. In the meantime I'd suggest you get used to your new body. You aren't going to be able to freely go like my dear Kurosaki."

Ichigo hadn't wanted a large celebration for graduation. He just wanted it to be over and done with, but his father and Yuzu had insisted. They'd all been bustling about while he'd been avoiding being around at all costs. He'd spent time with Chad when he had no other places to hide. His family's incessant meddling was driving him absolutely nuts. And without Urahara's place to hide at, he was finding himself even more on edge. All his efforts to be absent seemed to be null as someone usually found him.

"I don't get it." He told Uryu as they were in the middle of their early morning jog. "I just want to be left alone. I have a small break before I have to start my residency."

"Indeed." Uryu shared the same thoughts. He was lucky enough not to have an overly celebratory family, though he was sure Isshin would try to rope him into Ichigo's party. "I'll be going into mine scant weeks after commencement. As per my father."

"I don't envy that." Ichigo chuckled.

They ran in companionable silence. The route was so familiar they could probably do it in their sleep. It was comfortable and Ichigo knew he was going to miss the routine of it all. Half way through they'd stop at the fountain in the park for a breather. He sighed as they slowed and came to a halt. Ichigo smiled and stretched while taking a deep breath. Uryu sighed and gave a small smile of his own.

"Man, I wish I could go back to Germany." Ichigo sighed. "I mean, I just want to see him again, even just for a moment." He shook his head. "I know that's crazy."

"Not that I'm particularly fond of him, but why don't you? You always tend to dive right in."Uryu pushed his glasses out of his face.

"I told Hat n Clogs to alter his memories." Ichigo sighed again with a sad smile. "I should be nothing more than a one night stand."

"That's a dangerous thing to leave him to do." he chuckled.

"Yea." Ichigo agreed with a chuckle. "Hopefully he didn't play with it too badly."

Uryu laughed and then they both took off jogging again. Even though it was relaxing him, his mind was completely on Grimmjow. The wind swooshing over his body as he ran reminded him of the way Grimmjow's presence felt. He liked to imagine that maybe he would feel that again. He knew it was foolhardy to think so, but he at least enjoyed the fleeting remembrance.

* * *

"This shit is stupid." Grimmjow growled as he tugged at the collar of the shirt he was wearing. "I look stupid."

"Au contraire! You look quite dashing." Urahara laughed from behind his fan. "Besides, commencement is a big deal. It's a formal event for him so you have to make a statement."

"I can make an impression without wearing this getup." Grimmjow smirked at the blond.

"Indeed, but we don't need to alert soul society."

"Killjoy." Grimmjow groused.

He harrumped as he followed Urahara and company out of the shop. They were purposely late to the ceremony so nobody would catch glimpse and ruin the surprise. Grimmjow stood in the back of the auditorium. He could feel Ichigo's presence. It took all the patience in him to keep him from running up to the ginger. He wanted to be cool though. He wanted to see the look of surprise on Ichigo's face. He bet that'd be worth the months of waiting... And the few hours of boring speeching and name reading. He was glad he'd had the presence of mind to bring the refurbished phone that the goofy shop-keep had made.

Once the ceremony was over he stepped outside and popped a frisk-mint in his mouth to wait. Crowds of families and grads poured out the doors. He kept his awareness solely on Ichigo. He avoided the milling crowds of people and watched from afar as Ichigo was greeted, hugged, and had pictures snapped. Grimmjow was getting impatient. Finally as the crowd thinned he began to walk closer. If he'd been able to flare his energy, he would have. He still made a striking image. Dark, pinstriped slacks and matching jacket over a black shirt and electric blue tie had people stopping to watch.

Ichigo was in the middle of a sentence when he noticed Grimmjow. His mouth frozen open and every eye turned to see what had him so stunned. Everything seemed to fade away and he pushed his way around family and friends and made a quick pace to the tall man. Grimmjow tore the sunglasses off his face and again delivered a cock sure smile that made Ichigo weak in the knees. His confusion turned to a smirk. He grasped the lapels of Grimmjow's jacket and pulled him down not caring about the why or the spectators. It was electric when their lips met. He wished that they were not out in public and that he didn't have parties to attend. He just wanted to lose himself in the Ex-Espada.

"Wie geht's?" Grimmjow asked with a smirk.

"You ass." Ichigo mumbled with his own smirk. "what the hell are you doing here?" He smoothed Grimmjow's jacket down.

Grimmjow leaned down and nosed Ichigo's ear. In the most suggestive voice he could manage he spoke all the dirty things he wanted to do right then and there. It was enough to make the ginger flush brightly. Ichigo pulled back and hit him in the shoulder, but his mind was already graciously going over the things he wanted to do with Grimmjow. His question hadn't been answered though and he was serious about it. so he asked again.

"What are you doing here?"

"You don't get to just leave like that. You don't just get to ask me to forget." Grimmjow hissed at him in Japanese.

Ichigo's eyes widened. "Your memory?"

"All of it." Grimmjow smirked. "And still want to fuck you." He grinned at the affronted expression. "And more."

Ichigo sighed and rolled his eyes. "I can feel your pressure, but it's so faint." He commented while laying a hand on Grimmjow's chest. "How?"

Blue eyes flickered mischeivously before he tilted his head in the direction of Ichigo's mentor. He turned and looked at the innocent wave Urahara was giving him. He sighed heavily and flicked the man off which caused the other to laugh. Grimmjow found the disrespectful gesture quite hilarious as well as the responses to it. Unfortunately, Ichigo's abrupt exit and their display had draw quite the crowd. He finally noticed all the differing reactions. Some of his friends were steaming with anger while others were confused or scared. Uryu and urahara seemed to be the only ones not affected. Even Chad showed minor surprise. He grabbed Grimmjow's wrist and marched back to his family and friends with a determined look.

"Before anyone says ANYTHING, yes it is Grimmjow. No we aren't fighting. Yes we are in a relationship, and I reserve the right to kick the shit out of anyone who causes trouble for me." His expression was deadly serious. "I have given up so fucking much, so I'd appreciate it if I got to have at least something I wanted for once."

Somewhere during Ichigo's little rant Grimmjow caught the 'relationship' comment and felt something warm spread through him. Even more when Ichigo said it was wanted. He smirked and pulled his hand free so he could wrap it around the other. He silently mourned the stupid robes as they hid the reaper's body from view. He tried to keep himself focused, but was pretty sure Urahara knew what he was thinking. Ichigo had at first seemed surprised at his arm draping across his shoulders, but the sweet tinge that bled into his spiritual energy told Grimmjow the other was happy.

"So Ichi-nii has a boyfriend? Big whoop." Karin finally deadpanned breaking the tension. "I told you he liked it up the ass."

Grimmjow instantly saw the resemblance between the two and knew that she was Ichigo's sister. He liked her. She seemed very no- nonsense and had an imposing presence herself. Besides, he could easily see himself getting along with her when it came time to embarrassing Ichigo. He grinned maniacally and met her stare. She wasn't in the least bit intimidated by him either. She gave him a look that seemed to be an attempt at threatening. He chuckled and shook his head at her.

"Karin~ ladies shouldn't say such inappropriate things!" Isshin chastized.

"Whatever Goatface." She mumbled.

"If we're done here I want to get out of this crap." Ichigo groused. He slapped the wandering fingers at his shoulder.

Nobody really had any room to say anything to Ichigo. Nor did they want to. His little rant had made everyone feel just a little bit guilty. It didn't change the wary glances that were being tossed at Grimmjow or the angry stare Rukia was burning into Urahara's back. The group did break up without another word to relocate back at the Kurosaki residence. Ichigo stayed back a moment and pulled Grimmjow with him.

"Despite what it may look like, I really am glad to see you. Confused as fuck, but glad." He hugged Grimmjow surprising him. "You don't have to sit around for the parties and stuff. I don't even really want to be there. YOu can go hole up at my apartment."

Grimmjow grinned. As much as he wanted to be around Ichigo now, he wanted to limit the contact with his friends. He wasn't particularly in the mood for them to be spoiling his day. He was in a great mood and plus, he wasn't sure how long he could hold up being around the other. Months of sessions with just his hand were nothing compared to the beautiful experience it was to have been with the reaper. The keys were dropped in his hand with a sly look. Ichigo leaned close to his ear and whispered.

"I'm sure you can find it." His lips grazed teasingly against the whorl of Grimmjow's ear. "By the way, I want my wristband back."

Grimmjow turned his head and smirked. "Nope." He caught the ginger's lips briefly with his own.

"That was my favorite one. You think I wouldn't notice it missing?" Ichigo quirked an eyebrow.

"Tough. It's payment for you trying to get 'stripped hat' to wipe my memory." He tilted his head blue eyes narrowing.

"Fine." Ichigo pulled away. "But you better wear it all the damn time showing that you're mine."

"Oh feisty. Ich mag dass." Grimmjow clipped his teeth expression sparkling in mirth. "I'm going to have to fine some way to lay claim on you since I'm pretty sure you're against love bites." He joked. Ichigo frowned lightly in response. "I'll see you at home Ichi." He relented with a grin.

Ichigo sighed with a soft smile and watched as Grimmjow turned to walk away. He was feeling all kinds of things at that moment. Almost anger at Urahara for keeping Grimmjow a secret, surprise at his luck, but most of all happiness that he got another chance. He bit his lip and turned to follow his family. The whole commencement ordeal had been totally worth it just to see the ex-Espada. He couldn't wait for his party to be over so he could go home and pour out months of frustration into Grimmjow. It was honestly going to be the best thing about his night.

* * *

A/n: Sorry it's been a little over a year since I updated. I've had several life changes over that time, plus a hospital visit and a shit-ton of overtime at work. To those of you who are still with me, I sincerely apologize and thank you for the support. I plan to finish this within two chapters. Thank you for reading and commenting.

As far as all else is going. I've been doing some original work. A dear friend of mine has been inspiring me to try to get it published. Probably won't happen, but I'm going to write it. If you feel like following any of my original stuff, I made a tumblr for it. There's not anything there yet, but there will be soon. ( )

Thanks to everyone for the support.


	8. Rückkehr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> „Grimm. I didn't want anything other than to just relive Germany." He climbed over the other man's lap. „I just wanted to stay cocooned in that little world with you."

Verloren

Kapitel VIII

Rückkehr

* * *

 

Ichigo was tired by the time he'd mangaged to escape his party. His guests were all thoroughly sloshed while he'd remained sober. He'd pretended to sip at his drink and then would toss it in the grass when no one was watching. All he wanted was to get back to the privacy of his flat and indulge in some celebrating with Grimmjow. He thought about how glad he was that the ex-arrancar was stubborn. He was glad Urahara had meddled. He felt happy. He wished he could just have total disregard for all else as he rushed home. His body was thrumming with anticipation.

Grimmjow was lying on the couch in just a pair of pajama pants that most definitely did not belong to him when Ichigo got back. The pair of blue plaid pants that were baggy on him almost sinfully clung to Grimmjow's body. He kicked his shoes off and walked straight for the couch. Grimmjow was watching him with a soft lust visible in his eyes. Ichigo was ready to come apart at the seams. Each step closer he worked on shedding his suit. He could see Grimmjow coming to full attention. It made him feel strangely sultry.

„I have been waiting too damn long." Ichigo smirked and shucked his slacks off as Grimmjow sat up. „God, Ichi. You don't know how many times I just wanted to fuck all and just come find you."

„Grimm. I didn't want anything other than to just relive Germany." He climbed over the other man's lap. „I just wanted to stay cocooned in that little world with you."

„Me without my memories?" Grimmjow asked with a smirk.

„Fuck no, just you." Ichigo leaned forward. „I have to say, for someone with no prior experience, you had me seeing stars more than anyone else."

„I'm going to be the only one making you see stars now Ichi." Grimmjow grinned wolfishly.

Ichigo sank down into Grimmjow's arms and kissed him. First softly wanting to show how much he valued him. Then it escalated. They crashed together pouring months of yearning into their kiss. Lips slicked messily together and their teeth clacked harshly. Grimmjow bit Ichigo's lower lip and then sucked at it making him moan loudly. He wanted to see the reaper come undone and lose control. His hands wandered down a tanned back and stopped to cup the ginger's firm backside. He pulled him impossibly closer grinding against his awakening arousal. Ichigo gasped and pulled away from the kiss arching beautifully. In one smooth motion Grimmjow stood and lifted the smalled man with him. Ichigo didn't have the presence of mind to be indignant, too impatient to indulge, and instead wrapped his legs tightly about Grimmjow's waist.

„I'm going to fuck you the way I've been wanting to since you left Germany." Grimmjow whispered against Ichigo's neck. „Du gehörst mir."

„God Grimm. I forgot how sexy you sound in German." Ichigo hissed and curled his fingers in powder blue tresses.

When they made it to the bedroom Grimmjow threw Ichigo on the bed and followed after caging him in. The reaper smirked and pulled him down roughly engaging in another heated kiss. Their aroused bodies rubbed deliciously together. Grimmjow growled and moved away from Ichigo's lips to bite and suck at his jaw and then down his neck. Each mark left drew a gasp of pleasure and further fueled Grimmjow's excitement. Even though he still lacked a lot of experience he compensated with vigourous enthusiasm and near perfect memory of the first night with Ichigo. He attacked each place with relish enjoying every sound Ichigo made. He paid special attention to protruding hipbones remembering the sharp intakes of breath the ginger had released. Ichigo was just as responsive and was elated over the active role Grimmjow had taken. He moaned and dug his fingers in the blankets. Soon Grimmjow's fingers were dipping beneath his underwear but never fully touching where he wanted.. He sighed and shifted his hips upwards slightly asking silently for more.. The other's voice rumbled in a low chuckle against his stomach.

„Tell me what you want Ichi. Just tell me and I'll give it to you." He teased.

„Damnit Grimm! Don't get coy on me now. I want you so fucking badly." He almost whined. „Suck it or fuck me, I don't care, I just want you!" Ichigo near shouted.

„Haha, du bist so gemein." He chuckled again and pulled the black shorts off.

Ichigo didn't take kindly to his teasing and slid his knees under Grimmjow's arms and used his whole body weight to flip the other onto the bed and land himself on top. The ex-arrancar was stunned and even more turned on. His lips parted and he let out a hungry breath as Ichigo leaned over and near predatory look in his eyes. He was kissed hard. It was all tongue and teeth, and it made him growl possesively. Ichigo moved against him purposefully grinding slowly.

„Vulgar? I'll give you fucking vulgar Grimmjow." He snapped a sliver of gold bleeding into his irises.

His lips descended on the other. He bit roughly and sucked along Grimmjow's neck. His tongue laved at the prominent adam's apple and then down over collar bones. Soon after he moved further and bit at an already peaked nipple. Grimmjow hissed in response, so he bit harder. As Grimmjow tried to shift him off to regain control he pressed down harder and let his reiatsu leak out pinning the larger man down. The gigai gave him an advantage of Grimmjow not being able to ward off his spiritual energy. He was drunk on the dominance he had over this once wild being. Ichigo gave a respite to Grimmjow's nipple and trailed his tongue lower, over rock hard abs to dip ticklishly into his navel. The man's body tensed causing him to stifle a laugh before he did it again.

He wasted no time and let off just enough to pullthe borrowed pajama pants down and toss them aside, boxer shorts following immediately after. Grimmjow was at his mercy as he took his erection in his mouth and suckled the tip. Ichigo opened his mouth wide and took Grimmjow in as deep as he could. He gagged but pushed further and swallowed around the thick length a few times. Grimmjow's pupils were blow out as he met Ichigo's eyes. He actually blushed at the heated look. It was forgotten though when the ginger moaned around his erection and slowly pulled back. It was so dirty and he fought to keep his hips still as his penis was worked. He'd only been joking when he called Ichigo vulgar, he hadn't realized the reaper had it in him. He wanted to watch every naughty bit, but it was hard to keep his eyes from rolling back in pleasure. Suddenly the ginger let off.

„Stay put Grimm." He murmured while licking his lips.

Grimmjow watched as Ichigo leaned over him and reached for the nightstand. A small bottle of lube was brought out and hands were on him again. The mixture of gel and saliva squelched noisiy as Ichigo pumped his erection. He moaned under the onslaught. His eyes popped open as the pace slowed and he just knew that Ichigo was opening himself up to be taken. He growled possessively as an unpleasant thought entered his head. He pounced and pinned Ichigo down in his distracted state and immediately took over slapping the other's hands away.

„Ow! Shit Grimm. What the hell got into you?"

Grimmjow kissed him slowly as if to apologize. „You didn't do this with anyone else did you?"

„No. Fuck." Ichigo moaned as fingers brushed his sweet spot. „Wouldn't matter anyway." He gasped and arched again. „None of them would even be close to being you."

His ego flared. „Good. No one else gets to see you like this."

He pulled back and pressed a hand down on Ichigo's stomach feeling the waves of anticipation roll through him. This was what he wanted, to watch their bodies merge. With his free hand he guided himself in. The memory of sinking inside Ichigo's body came to the forefront and he groaned lowly. It felt so perfect. As he slowly slipped further the reaper's legs came up to hold him tightly. At long last he was a deep as he could go, sheathed completely within that hot body. He hissed as he slid back out until just the head was still inside. After a deep breath he surged back in all the way until his body was flush with Ichigo's.

„Gods Grimm. It's so deep." He sighed and curled his fingers. „Move."

Grimmjow smirked and repeated the motion again. It drew another delicious moan from the other man. It was his invitation to take more, harder and faster. Ichigo matched his thrusts using his legs to lock Grimmjow deep inside with each forward motion. Their bodies slapped together loudly and Grimmjow let out a constant stream of curses. Ichigo had to fight to stay in control of himself, but a little bit of his spiritual energy was leaking out and curlng around them both. It was warm and electric and Grimmjow felt almost as if he was melting into Ichigo with each piston of his hips. The heat grew too much and combined with the lewd noises and nails leaving long welts on his back, climax rapidly approached.

„Fuck Grimm." Ichigo breathed out as he arched and twitched.

His body became tight and thrummed with impending orgasm. Moments later he released drawing Grimmjow deep within. His twitching hole and the splashes of semen between them was enough to set the taller man off. Grimmjow came with a low, breathy growl. His whole body rode out the waves of his peak as he collapsed over Ichigo. They lie together catching their breath and trying to cool down. After several moments Grimmjow pulled back and extricated himself. Ichigo grimaced at the sensation of seed leaking out of his body, but was much to blissed out to care.

„That's the best fucking graduation present I got." He murmured after a moment.

„It better be with all the shit that weirdo tried on me." Grimmjow smirked. He rolled on his side to watch the ginger for a moment and his eyes softened. „I know you said you'd fight me any time, but I think I could forgo that for now."

Ichigo perked up at that. „Oh yea? And why is that?" He asked a smile coming to his lips.

„I've found something more enjoyable to do with you." He stated scandalously.

Despite their precious activities Ichigo blushed at the innuendo and shoved Grimmjow back. „We won't have a bed if you're this rough every time!" He snapped.

Grimmjow stopped laughing and pinned him with a serious look. „We?"

„Well yeah. I kinda thought since you stubbornly wanted to remember me that we, were going to be a thing."

Grimmjow smirked again. „Yea, I could do that."

After they both felt steady enough to move Ichigo pulled Grimmjow into the shower with him. Beneath the spray they languidly kissed while soaping each other. It was perfectly relaxing and gave Grimmjow time to think about how happy he was that he'd gotten a second chance in such a strange way. They made their way back to the couch in minimal clothes and talked about what Grimmjow had been up to while staying with Urahara. He explained what he could on the experiements and said that his body was still a work in process since he was essentially a hollow still. He told Ichigo how weird it felt to have so many sets of memories. Their fingers twined lazily as they shared stories. So much had been missed. Ichigo explained that he still spoke with Dr. Verstandt and Lars despite the memory wipe. The good doctor had been restored to having never met Grimmjow the second time around, but Lars still mysteriously remembered. In his letters he asked if Ichigo had met anyone new and hoped that he came back to Germany for his boyfriend. Grimmjow had found that particular story amusing.

They talked all night until the sun started to rise. Grimmjow had forgotten how amazing it was. He stood and walked to the balcony doors just to stare out at it. Ichigo smiled and after a moment of watching the beautiful man in the first day's light, he joined him threading his arms around his torso and leaning on his shoulder. He briefly thought about if he could change things would he. The answer remained that if he could have last night, the time before, and this moment now, he would gladly go through the pains again. He finally had his chance at happiness and was damned if he was going to give it up.

* * *

a/n: So this is the end of Verloren. I'm sorry I took so long to finish this damn thing. I've been practicing my German, but I probably will not go back and edit the chapters for it now. I've got so much going on and so many new things to work on. Thank you so very much to those of you that took the time to read and review and message me. Sometimes rereading those reviews got me through the dark days. I wanted to give you all something short and sweet for the last bit but also something with a good long fuck. I hope I achieved that. Now I have to get on to updating other things. Thank you all for the great time. I enjoyed writing this.


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